Page 1 of Loving the Sinner
Prologue
Elli
Hot, fat tears are streaming down my face so quickly I can’t keep up with the onslaught.
Packer Boyd Nelson and Tiffany Lorraine Keyes are excited to announce their union for time and all eternity…
I throw the announcement into the trash, where it belongs. Theaudacityof him to send me an invitation to his wedding.
I shouldn’t be surprised. Packer never seemed fully invested in our relationship. He wasn’t a good boyfriend and he would have been a worse husband. But to see he’s getting marriedtwo monthsafter he broke up with me because he “wasn’t ready for a serious relationship” hurts.
A lot.
Never mind the fact we were together for six months. Six months where I tried everything to be the type of girl he wanted. Six months where I was someone I wasn’t, all in the name of “following the right path.” Six months where I was belittled and told I still wasn’t doing enough for him.
I’m twenty-four and unmarried, which is basically spinster age when you’re Mormon.
It also feels like a big old slap in the face to my already low self-esteem.Tiffanylooks as if she’s barely graduated from high school. Bleach blonde hair, big blue doe eyes, petite, slim, tan, and with a blinding white smile.
Every man’s dream.
I look in the mirror at my shoulder length boring, plain, brown hair, my oval shaped face, dull blue eyes, and my not-so-slim figure.
I’ll never compare to her. I wasn’t even in the running.
Something I’m sure my mother will use to hurt me as soon as she finds out. I can already hear her now.
“If you would have worked harder to lose weight, maybe you could have kept him.”
“If you hadn’t focused so much on school, maybe you’d be married by now.”
“If you had more faith, maybe he wouldn’t have left you.”
“Maybe if you weren’t so boring…”
The list goes on. I’ve never been the daughter she wanted. She always wanted a son first, but you can’t pick the gender of your first child. She blames me for the fact it took her five years to conceive my little brother, Spencer. She said I “ruined” her womb. She hates the fact that I’m not blonde like her and Izzy. She hates that I take after my dad’s German ancestry and have a plus-sized body. She hates that I wanted to go to schoolinstead of immediately getting married and having a baby.
I honestly think she just hates me, but she’d never admit it.
If I’m boring, it’s because I was told I was being “too much” as a child. I was to be seen, not heard. When Spencer was born, I was immediately pushed into a caretaker role, so I was never able to actually be a child. I didn’t go out and play with my friends all the time. I read in my room alone until I was told I needed to come take care of my siblings.
The itch to up and leave Utah without telling anyone where I’m going is so strong, I almost do it. I eye the duffel bag peeking out from underneath my bed, calculating the best time to sneak out of the house and never return.
I could do it. I have the money. I’ve been putting every penny I can spare away into savings so I can get the heck out of here someday.
But where will I go?
Emma’s in California… Maybe I could go live with her?
No, she’s got her own life, she doesn’t need her boring cousin bringing her down.
Oregon? No. Too expensive.
Arizona? No, too hot.
Izzy comes barreling through the door, chattering away on her phone, completely unaware of the internal crisis I’ve got going on. Which isn’t her fault, I keep my thoughts to myself for the most part not wanting to be a burden to anyone.
I know instantly she’s talking to her long distance boyfriend, Luke. I can practically see the hearts coming out of her eyes.
