Page 173 of Green Flag
I scoffed. I knew it was ridiculous, but I had to protect my heart.
“I think the date for our diary has come,” I said, voice firm, but I could feel the tremor beneath it. “I don’t want to play pretend anymore.”
Because it hurts too much.
“What?” he whispered, the disbelief in his voice cutting me deeper than I thought possible. “You don’t want to… Everly—”
“You’ve got your PI,” I said, drawing squiggles in the sand to not look at him. “We’ve been pretty awful detectives. You don’t need me.”
“Iwantyou,” he said, sitting down beside me again. “Everly, look at me.” But I couldn’t. I picked up my things and started to put them into my beach bag. “I want you. I do need you. I gave you space, thinking you regretted us getting together. Thinking you didn’t really forgive me. I thought that was what you wanted, but…” He let out a shaky breath. “I’m not ready to lose you, Everly. I don’t think I’ll ever be.”
The glare from the sky was easier to face than him.
“You’re right,” he continued, shuffling to get slightly more in my view. “I don’t want to play pretend anymore, either.”
My glance at him nearly took my breath away.
My vision was blurry, but his eyes were filled with tears too. His bottom lip wobbled as he reached for my hand again and I met him halfway.
“Everly, I love—”
“It’ll pass,” I said and picked at the blanket, my hand heavy in his.
He squeezed my hand. “It won’t. Don’t you think it would have by now?”
My watery eyes met his and he smiled weakly.
“It’s been months and months of me trying to fight these feelings. Your dad told me I could get out of my contract if I broke up with you,” he said it quickly, as if forcing the words out. “He wanted you to focus on your music.”
I brushed my tears back with my forearm, taking Luca’s hand with me. Anger started gnawing at my stomach. “He… he did what? Is that why he made us share a room?” He’d said it was a test, but…
“No,” Luca laughed, but it was broken with tears. He shuffled closer to me, his knees touching my legs. “He asked me last week how you were and we… we had a frank conversation. He told me he roomed us together because… after Alv, he was worried about my mental health and he knew you brought a smile to my face. I don’t think he really meant what he said about me breaking up with you… I think he was testing how much I care about you.”
“You passed,” I told him.
“Of course,” he said with a chuffed smile. “With flying colours, because I love—”
“Don’t,” I begged, shaking my head and letting the remaining tears fall from my face onto my lap. “If it’s a lie…”
His thumb stroked the back of my hand and he brushed my hair behind my ear.
“When have I ever lied to you, Everly?”
Never. Not once.
Even when he tried to tell me he was okay, that he’d lost weight because of stress, Luca Mendes had only ever been completely and totally honest with me, despite the omissions.
He was probably the only person to have been so honest.
So he couldn’t start lying to me now. “The only way to say ‘I love you’ is honestly. So don’t say it until you mean it.”
His eyes held mine with a sadness in the blue irises. The light slipped from them.
“I’ll prove how much I care about you, Everly,” he said. “You don’t have to say it back. I don’t want you to, not until you’re ready. But… please believe me when I say I’ve been obsessed with you for five years. I have liked every single one of your posts. I have notifications set for when you do post.”
He pulled his phone out of his pocket to show me his Instagram. But I paid no attention to that, taken aback by the fact that I was still the background on his screen.
That was at least six months ago.
