Page 56 of Red Flag
My head shook as I pursed my lips through a long exhale. It wasn’t passing.
“Tell me what you need,Livie.”
But when I didn’t speak, she kept talking. I couldn’t make out her words; everything sounded as if it was underwater. Like I was deep, deep down under the crushing weight of sea depths.
I couldn’t get enough breaths.
“Livid?” Nix’s voice was quick, his footsteps towards me faster.
Liha stopped the stroking.
“She’s having a panic attack,” Nix said. “Liha, could you grab her some water?”
I shook my head furiously. Actually. “A bottle — bottle of water… please.”
Lihaspoke but, again, I didn’t hear her.
“You’re okay, you’re with me. I won’t let anything happen to you.”
But it wasn’t about him, nor the drinkanymore.
“Breathe with me,” Nix said. “Let’s count. Up to ten, we inhale. Down from ten, we exhale. You got that?”
A raspy breath and nod.
Nix took both of my hands and started counting. At first, I couldn’t follow through, but eventually, the pulsing in my ears soothed, the dizziness in my head faded, and my breathing slowed with each passing number.
“I’m okay,” I said, opening my eyes and taking my hands from his. “All good.”
He cocked a brow. “One more breath,Livie.”
“I’m fine,” I said again, a little raspy.
“One more,” he pressed.
I rolled my eyes but placed my hands back in his and took a deep inhale and exhale, settling my lungs.
He may have been right.
“What do you need?” he asked, stepping closer so our adjoined hands were pressing against each other.
Too close. In the haze of the light-headedness, I had noticed how close we were, but not had the energy to even consider how it would look. I pushed him away, still trying to gather my thoughts.
“I need to… not drink those drinks that Frank got me.”
“Are you not into pink guavacoladas? It’s what you ordered last week. Goes with your aesthetic.”
My chest was heavy as I spoke, needing to take deep breaths between phrases. “It’s not that. I just don’t… I can’t drink them. I want to get my own, but I want to be polite.”
“Okay,” he said with a decisive nod. “Consider them gone.”
“What?” I asked, reaching for his arm.
“You ok here? Liha’s coming back.”
“Yeah, but what—”
The second she was there, offering me the bottle, Nix was gone. I thankedLihafor the drink and took some small sips, following him and peering past the wall to our table. Nix stood behind my empty chair and gestured for Abbe to chuck him his coat, saying something about going for a smoke. When Abbe threw the coat, Nix leaned over too far, grabbing and then dropping the coat over my drinks. He shook his head as others laughed and he, in picking it back up, knocked over the drinks, practically swooping them out of the way.
