Page 149 of Red Flag
She looked across the room, chest rising with a deep inhale and her gaze narrowed on me. “I sent it to them.”
The lawyer asked a follow-up question but I didn’t hear it. My ears only rang as I sat up straight and blinked at her. Eyes were on me. Nix’s hand was in mine under my jacket and he squeezed my fingers but my hands were numb. Everything was numbing as my breaths increased.
It didn’t change anything. I didn’t feel angry. I didn’t feel shocked. I simply… I simply didn’tfeel.
And I wasn’t here to be a spectacle. I stood and walked out, looking straight ahead and hearing my brother and Nix following closely behind.
Out in the dark-walled corridor, Nix talked me through the panic attack he thought was coming. But it wasn’t.
We’d been friends. We’d gone out for dinner on double dates. We’d gone shopping for wedding guest dresses together.
And she’d known it was me in that picture. She had known it was me when she sent it to them. She hated me.
I didn’t have the energy to cry or scream.
I cut Nix off mid-sentence. “I’m just going to the bathroom.”
But, in there, I simply sat on the toilet seat and stared without thought. I probably had ten minutes before Nix would come in to find me — he’d done it before, I didn’t doubt he’d do it again — but time ceased to exist.
There was movement outside the cubicle and then the sound of heels on the floor.
I just wanted to be alone.
And when I opened the door, I saw her standing there, reapplying her red lipstick in the mirror.
My voice was hoarse. “Samantha.”
She met me with hostility, a glare through the reflection.
“I’m so sorry,” I said, holding onto the sink.
She looked me over with disgust, top lip curling.
“I hope you know it wasn’t planned. I didn’t want to, I was blacked out, I don’t even remember—”
“I know you didn’t want it,” she snapped. “I saw the video.”
She shook her head in disbelief and popped her lips before swiping the edge of her lipline.
“Thevideo?”
She turned to me, snapping her lipstick lid on and chucking it into her bag. “He was a piece of shit. Recorded what he did to you on his laptop. Put it on thefamilycomputer. You werejust lying there… there was no way you could consent.”
The floor felt so far away and yet like my head could crash into it in less than a second. Like my body had grown light and heavy, lifting like a feather, ready to fall and smash into the ground like a wrecking ball.
I swallowed, part of me ready to lose it and weep.
I’d cried so much. I didn’t want to cryanymore.
“So, you knew?” I shouted. “You knew all along that it was me? That he raped me? You released that knowingly?”
She looked me up and down with sympathy. “I had to look out for myself, for my family. If he was a cheat, he was a piece of shit. I could divorce him. If he was a rapist, that would ruin his career. That would ruin my child’s life. As I’m sure you’re aware, how people perceive you is what can make or break you.”
“You’re a fucking bitch.” I didn’t know if it was awful to say, knowing the circumstances of what she was going through, but I didn’t know if I caredanymore. “And you never reached out to ask me if I was okay?”
“Turning you against him would help me more than anything. I didn’t want your sympathy.” She closed the clasp of her bag. “Still don’t. Now, excuse me.”
“We could have done this together,” I shouted after her. “If you’d come to me, I wouldn’t have been in the dark for so long.”
