Page 22 of Husband Material
"We fought for more than half of our relationship. About the stupidest things, too, like…my socks on the floor. Although I think, deep down, all that was because of the real problems, the ones we barely talked about. I couldn't open up to her."
Giselle stiffened against me slightly, but she didn't speak. She was in listening mode. And since this was something I wanted her to know about me, I kept on talking. Because this wasn't really about her—it was aboutme.I was saying these things out loud for myself.
"In the end, she left me. And she was right to."
"But didn't you say that she was—"
I clasped her hand in mine. "Okay, so she did it in the shittiest way possible, by giving me a page of handwritten hate-speech and running off with one of my friends, who she’d already been fucking." I let out a half-laugh that had been trapped deep in my chest, but now seemed to want to be free. "But the past months have given me perspective. That it was for the best. That Cassidy and I, we weren't right for each other. She knew it, and, deep down, I knew it too." I shrugged. "I guess I just figured our relationship was normal. What you did. Found a person you were more or less compatible with and settled down. Built a life that was better together than if you were alone. Whenever I saw those romantic comedy movies, I'd always roll my eyes. I never thought it was possible to feel—"
"That strongly about someone." Instead of sounding cheerful, Giselle's whisper was desolate…like a death sentence. And yet, she snuggled against me, and held me tight. "I'm so happy I met you, Gage."
Her words pricked my heart.
Suddenly, despite being outside in the open air, I felt stifled. I cared deeply about Giselle. And so, the right thing would be to tell her about the type of man I was. Clearly theright thingto do, but it felt agonizing doing it.
"Giselle." I took both her hands in both of mine and pressed them tight. "I need to say something."
My nerves left me as soon as I made the decision. How could I even know Giselle was thinking that far ahead? We'd only been together for one month, after all. Maybe she wouldn't mind what I was going to say. She’d never mentioned exes or marriage or children.
After a few seconds of deliberating over the right words, it occurred to me there weren't any.
"One thing my ex said in her letter was definitely right. I don't think marriage is in the cards for me."
An overpowering silence screamed between us.
Giselle didn't react as I expected she might. No piercing wit or sarcastic teasing. No dismissive little laugh. Only a cool solemnity that came over her features. Her eyes closed for a moment, and then when she opened them again, they were resolute as she spoke into the cool night air.
"I have something to tell you too."
8
“My visa is expiring. I have to go back."
Her words were logical, and yet, they wouldn't compute in the structured confines of my brain no matter how many times I ran through them.
"I have to return to France in two days. I am sorry."
Two days? What the fuck!?
She twisted around, finally with the dejection in her eyes I'd expected. "I could not manage to figure out how to break it to you. I kept meaning to, and then…"
Catlike, she left my lap and made her way to the balcony railing. I went to the opposite side and leaned over as far as I could without falling, half suspended in open air.
A Molotov cocktail of emotions boiled through me, pushing me under in a sea of shock. Fury, despair, fear. But what did I expect? That Giselle would stick around indefinitely when she didn't even fucking live here?
As I accepted her news, I realized I was lucky it had ended like this, instead of theCassidy-way,with another woman disillusioned.
I had to face facts: there wasn't an exhaustive supply of women who would be content to just pass time with me, knowing any "relationship" we had wouldn't really go anywhere. I knew all too well how young girls were raised, even today in the so-called era of the "modern woman"…on Hallmark Channel movies and Instagram wedding envy. I'd seen it with my friends, Paul and Isa, and I'd seen it with Cassidy. I had no doubt that most women, apart from a very few, would have the same expectations in mind.
Not that that had been the problem here, clearly. I have to return to France in two days. Christ, did she really have to break this to me so last minute? Sure, this whole time it had felt like things with Giselle had been too good to last, but still. I'd thought I would've at least had enough time to reconcile myself to her leaving when the time came. Say a proper goodbye.
"Do you want me to go?"
That she had to ask me at all cut me off at the knees, because there was something deeply wrong with me. Ishouldbe able to tell her how I felt about her. Ishouldbe able to say, “No, I don't want you to go back to France and leave me,” but I didn't say any of that.Two days. In two days, she'll be gone…
I closed the distance between us and pulled her into my arms. "On your second to last night here? Not a chance."
Before my eyes, her face transformed. The statuesque coolness melted away into a soft smile. "So, what does that mean, Gage?"
