Page 101 of Away With You
“Hello?” Jade waves her arms in the air. “I’ve lost you. Where did you just go?”
“St. Lucia,” I sigh, placing the sand globe carefully back on the shelf. “Where was I?”
She nibbles on a digestive, her worried gaze flickering over me. “You were telling me about Nathan and the snow globes.”
“Right.” I grab a digestive for myself and bite into it, wishing it were a chocolate bar from St. Lucia instead. “Well, we were talking about all the places my mum had marked on her bucket list and how I wanted to fulfil that wish for her.”
Tears sparkle in Jade’s eyes as she nods for me to continue. “I love that. What was at the top of the list?”
“Australia. And more specifically, I wanted to snorkel on the Great Barrier Reef.” I point to snow globe number one. “And to climb the Sydney Harbour Bridge.” Snow globe number two. “And to take a tram around Melbourne city…” I trail off, pointing to the globe on the couch next her.
“Wow,” she gulps with realisation. “He remembered your bucket list.”
I plunk down hard next to her. “He did.”
When the first globe arrived a week ago, I’d been a little puzzled. Nathan sending me a snow globe from tropical North Queensland was definitely a choice. Especially after the weeks of silence between us. And then when the next one arrived a few days ago, with a little Harbour Bridge and the miniature Opera House next to it, it clicked. He’s over on the other side of the world, and he’s thinking of me. In the most Nathan way possible, he’s showing me he still cares.
“So, what are you going to do about it?” Jade asks.
I shrug. “What can I do?”
She gets up in a huff, flinging her arms out wide, frustration written all over her. “Katie, this man has sent you the most romantic and thoughtful gifts. It’s his grand gesture, and you’re not going to do anything?”
I stand up, feeling at a disadvantage as she glares down at me. “The globes change nothing. Nathan was always a good guy. The best guy. But can’t you see? He’s sending me these from Australia. The other side of the world. He travels all the time, lives a glamorous life, while I live…here. In a tiny flat in Brixton. We’re not compatible.”
Her braids fly around her head as she flounces around the room. “These are just excuses you’re telling yourself because you’re scared.”
“I am scared!” I yell, frustrated with the both of us. “I’m terrified. I’d be scared to fall in love with Joe Blow down thestreet for fear of getting my heart broken. But at least with Joe Blow, I’d believe there was a chance. How can I let myself be with that man, knowing who he is, who I am, the lives we lead? I’m setting myself up for failure.”
I’ve spent four weeks stewing on this, convincing myself I’m more right about my decision every day.
“You don’t know that.”
I turn the TV on and scroll to find the Sky Sports channel. This week is the first on the F1 calendar, and the teams are out on track testing their new cars. And, this year, it’s taking place at the Albert Park track in Melbourne. It’s why Nathan is already over there. And it’s a perfect example of the very different lives we lead.
“Look at that.” I point the remote at the TV screen. Formula 1 cars are racing around the track at blistering high speeds, with the Albert Park palm trees blurring in the distance. The sky is a brilliant shade of blue, the stands are filled with fans, and it’s such a far cry from the life I’m leading, it’s almost laughable. “That is his world.”
“You could meld your worlds, Katie. It doesn’t have to be all or nothing.”
I shake my head. “In the long run, one of us would have to compromise. I don’t want that for either of us.”
She runs out of puff, sitting back down with her arms crossed. “I still think you’re making excuses. That if you’d give him a chance, he’d make it work.”
The sad thing is, she’s probably right. Nathan would do anything for the people he loves. It’s the part of this that hurts the most.
“Can we stop talking about this?” My voice wavers, and I rub my throbbing temple. She’s not saying anything I haven’t whispered to myself a million times since New Year's Eve. She’s just saying it with more conviction.
“Fine,” she agrees. “For now.”
We sit in silence, watching the cars go around the track. The sounds and the repetitive motion of the cars are so hypnotic, it lulls us into a place of calm, so when Nathan’s face pops up on the screen, it’s like a jump scare.
Like, I literally jump and almost fall off the couch.
“What’s this?” I say, my hands on my cheeks. I may faint. I feel faint. Am I pale? I feel pale.
Jade’s eyes flicker between me and the TV. “Looks like they’re doing some sort of spotlight interview with your man.”
“Not my man,” I hiss, staring at the screen, longing coursing through me. It’s been so long since I’ve seen him. My eyeballs are crying out with relief at the sight of his lake blue eyes, his wind tousled hair, his perfectly bowed lips. In high definition, Nathan is even more beautiful than I remembered.
