Page 56 of The Monster I Loved
“I didn’t.”
She studied me. “You’re not the type to have casual sex.”
“Well, the alcohol must’ve helped with that.”
She nodded. “And now you’re pregnant.”
“Looks that way.”
Marni lowered her pad and placed it down beside her. “Does Thaddeus know? If not, you do know you have to tell him.”
That’s when I told her all my fears. At the end of my explanation, I added, “What if Thaddeus takes this baby away from me too? He’s already taken away my dad.” My voice cracked.
She kept her voice low and patient. “Summer, you told me Thaddeus is marrying the other woman to have a child.”
Yeah, Mimi; who I saw the other day buttoning her shirt outside his office, clearly after they’d had a midday fuck.
“Marni, Thaddeus and I can barely share the town. We hate each other. How the hell are we supposed to share a child?”
We went round and round in circles until I blurted out a thought that was in the back of my head. “Maybe I’ll leave town and focus on being a good mother. I never had one.” I found myself cradling my tummy and thinking again about a tiny little hand in mine. What would it feel like?
Marni nodded slowly. “Your mother abandoning the family was a subject we’ve talked about many times. It’s likely part of the reason you’re fearful of Thaddeus taking the baby. However, for the moment let’s tackle the biggest issue right now: telling him.”
This must be why Marni made the big bucks. She really knew how to compartmentalize. “Okay.”
“Okay, what?” Marni said, not letting up one inch.
I shut my eyes and took a deep breath. “I’ll talk to Thaddeus. Though maybe I should wait until after I see a doctor and confirm that at-home test result?—”
“You’re pregnant. All the throwing up, plus you have a glow. Sorry, Summer, but there’s definitely a bun in that oven.”
I smiled. The rest of the session passed a little easier since I’d got one big fat secret off my chest.
After leaving Marni’s office, I headed to the cemetery to tell my dad. He deserved to know before Thaddeus did. I was stretching my lunch hour longer than I should, but fuck it. I didn’t actually want to help Fitzgerald earn another dime.
Funnily enough, I knew Dad would be happy for me even though I was carrying the baby of a monster.
I stood in front of his grave.
“Dad, I don’t know how this happened. Well, I do, but I didn’t try to dishonor your memory.” As I spoke, my knees buckled, and I fell to the ground, sobbing. I just didn’t understand how. How could things have gone so wrong? How was I supposed to navigate this? On the chilly ground, I sat alone for a while with my dad, the only parent who’d stayed, but then Thaddeus took him from me.
When I stood, I looked over the rows of tombstones, and my feet moved without any help from my brain. Gina Fitzgerald. My eyes scanned the engraved words.‘Gone too soon. Motherof Thaddeus and Lily, friend to all who knew her. Wife of John Fitzgerald.’
What it didn’t say was how kind she was. Gina never met a person she didn’t like. She would have done anything for anyone. I blinked hard, trying to prevent the tears from slipping down my cheeks. Gina paid for my dad’s substance rehab facility not once, or twice, but three times. My dad owed her so much. The Fitzgeralds had accepted me, even though my dad’s reputation could’ve made them object to Thaddeus dating me. I wish it had never happened. I wish Dad had been able to hold himself together. I wish it had happened to anyone other than Gina.
“Sorry, Gina. You know I’ve always been sorry,” I whispered.
One hand went to my stomach. My baby would carry the last name Fitzgerald. Maybe, just a little bit, it would finally be repayment for the life my father accidentally took.
After I got homefrom work the next day, I sat in the kitchen eating a tuna fish sandwich, thinking about the state of my life. A loud banging came from my front door. Whoever it was clearly didn’t believe ringing the bell displayed enough urgency. Alarmed, I hurried from the kitchen. Whatever news this person was desperate to tell me couldn’t be good.
“I’m coming!”
The banging continued. Whoever it was, they must not have been able to hear my voice over the racket they were making.
I yanked the door open and braced myself.
Ashley.
