Page 7 of The Monster I Loved
GO FUCK YOURSELF
Summer
“Money!That’s what runs this world, and Tarrytown is no different.” I spat the words at Marni and sat upright on the couch. My time was up. Like always, I’d wasted most of it on Thaddeus. He’d still shown zero remorse, but his expensive lawyers fought for a voluntary manslaughter conviction due to ‘temporary loss of control,’ leveraging his wealth for a psychiatric defense. The result was a sentence of thirteen years. Thirteen! Thaddeus didn’t even serve all of them and was now getting out early for good behavior. Good behavior. Was this an elementary school? The justice system was a fucking joke!
“Summer, have you given any thought to what you will do when you see him? You live in such a small town, and your social circles overlap. It’s definitely going to happen.”
Chills crawled up my spine.I’d be seeing him soon. Ten years had passed since my life went to hell. I’d spent a lot of those years planning what I’d do to him when I saw him.
I’ll run him over with a car. Over and over again, I’d replayed that scenario in my head. Watching his life blink away; just like he’d stood and watched my dad’s.
He didn’t listen to my cries. He didn’t hesitate, didn’tcarethat Dad was all I had.
“Summer?” My therapist leaned forward, face twisted in concern. Ihatedhow gentle Marni was. I mean, I knew that was her job, and I wouldn’t benefit from arguing with someone right now, but it was exhausting to be the only person filled with rage.
IwantedThaddeus to suffer just like I did. I wanted to see the pain written on his face and the scars carry over for the rest of his life becauseGod knowsI’d never be able to forget what he did.
Instead, he got away with a slap on the wrist. A short sentence for manslaughter, not premeditated murder. He was being released into the exact same town where he murdered my dad. Everything went back to normal for him. He could pretend the last ten years never happened. Meanwhile, I would never get my dad back. He was gone. Sometimes, when I couldn’t sleep, I shook, remembering the sound of the gunshot.
“I don’t know,” I murmured. I wanted to make Thad hurt, but I knew I wasn’t a monster. Murdering someone seemed easier to talk about than to do. “We share friends. Although sometimes I worry some are not really my friends. Why haven’t they all cut him off? My dad made a mistake. Thaddeus is cold-blooded. He took revenge.”
“They may find it complicated. With you and Thaddeus at odds, forcing them to pick sides, it adds an awkward dynamic. What are your thoughts on that perspective?” Marni asked.
I’d had enough of this over the years. I didn’t want anyone to play devil’s advocate. This straddling-the-fence thing was easy when your father wasn’t the one murdered. “I have Daisy, mybest friend, and she cut that monster off when he did what he did.”
Marni smiled and stood. “Okay. Use that support network. And if you need an emergency session, call me.”
I thanked her and headed off to work. There wouldn’t be a need for an emergency session. I was determined not to crumble on account of that man. He’d already taken so much from me. I stopped off and grabbed a pumpkin latte with a few extra shots of espresso. Last night I got even less sleep than usual. How could I rest when I knew I could come face-to-face with the monster of my dreams in the coffee shop? On the street? In the grocery store? My home didn’t feel safe anymore.
“Summer,” a voice called as I walked down Main Street, sipping my latte.
“Hi, Ella.” I smiled at her, hoping she couldn’t sense how I was feeling. Therapy always left me feeling drained. It meant it was working.
She hurried to me. Her long blonde braid of hair bobbing behind her. “Can you believe it’s October 1stalready?”
Main Street was a festive sight. Tarrytown had waited the entire year for its time to shine. Some towns waited for Christmas, counting down the days. Tarrytown waited for Halloween. Nowhere was that clearer than in the town center. Fake cobwebs, ghosts, and skeletons already covered both sides of Main Street. Every storefront strategically placed pumpkins, and witches appeared to fly over each awning, creating a spooky atmosphere. All this effort would pay off for our little town as an influx of visitors would pour in from Sleepy Hollow, making this a lively spot for shopping, dining, and fun.
We fell into step together as we walked to the office.
“Are you going to be okay?” she asked.
So, that was why she started this conversation. I’d never really spoken to her outside of the office. Thaddeus wasn’t evenhere yet, and he was already the center of gossip. “Yeah. They should’ve given him the needle, but money talks.”
Ella’s eyes widened. “It’s been ten years,” she said. “I thought you would’ve forgiven him by now.”
I nearly dropped the hot coffee on myself. My feet froze, and I spun around to face Ella. “If somebody killed your father, would you forgive them and move on?”
She spouted the same argument I’d heard too many times since Thaddeus did what he did. “Your father killed his mother. You both lost someone.”
My body felt hot. I took some deep breaths, like Marni advised, but they weren’t helping. “Ella, if he had the right to ignore the circumstances of his mother’s death,”like my dad being drunk, panicking, and it being an ACCIDENT,“then I’ll be fucking ignoring the grief that made Thaddeus murder the only person I had left.”
She lifted both palms in surrender. “Didn’t mean to upset you.”
Really? We were steps away from the office when I realized I couldn’t do people today. I was ready to blow, so it would be wise to take a sick day. Softening my face, I said, “Do me a favor. Can you tell Olivia I need to take the day off today? I’m too emotional, and I need some space.”
She nodded. “Sure. Sorry I brought it up.”
“It’s okay,” I said, even though it wasn’t okay in the slightest. I quickly hurried off. Heading back up the hill, I rushed past the coffee shop to the parking lot behind the building and slammed my car door shut. Inside my car, I recalled the only letter Thaddeus sent me from prison at the beginning of his sentence. The words were etched into my mind. “You think forgiveness is so easy? Prove it. Forgive me.”
