Page 28 of Teddy Sinatra: Go Your Own Way
Even though Nikki might have been fed up with Teddy’s ways, that would never mean she was fed up with Teddy.
That was why, as soon as she got to the docks that morning, she searched for him. Because instinctively she knew, even though he was supposedly fired, he’d be there.
And there he was. Sitting on the dock of the bay watching the wreckage still being hoisted out of the water. Their men, those who survived or weren’t there at all when the explosion occurred, were out in force, too, as they helped with the cleanup. But their faces were no longer the faces of cocky wise guys who’d seen it all and done it all, but they all looked spooked. As if they’d never seen anything like this and couldn’t even imagine doing the shit to another syndicate that had been done to them.
When Nikki walked over to Teddy, she sat on the dock beside him. He still had that spooked look, too, only his face wasn’t laced in terror like the faces of their men. It was guilt that was spooking him.
How could she be worrying about their marriage when her man was falling apart? But she also knew that was when bad decisions bred worse decisions. If she remained silent, his momentary anguish could become the end of them.
She spoke up. “Is it your father?”
Teddy looked at her. She always had that look of supreme confidence, as if no tragedy was going to turn her inside out. But that was exactly how Teddy felt: Inside out. Like everything about him was being exposed when he wanted nothing exposed. He felt bare.
But Nikki had already gotten herself up, brushed herself off, and was back in the saddle again. He admired her for that, even if he was nowhere near there yet. “Is what my father?”
“The way you’ve been acting. The fact that he fired you, even though you’re back on the job like you always are, and he never appreciates it.”
“Sixty-one of our men died, Nikki.”
“Lord have mercy,” Nikki said. Last night it was in the thirties.
“Sixty-one good men, Nikki. That’s the death toll now. How do you expect me to act after hearing how many more of our men perished?”
“I expect you to act like Teddy T. That tower of strength you are. We got hit. And it was a horrific hit, no doubt about it. But what do we do about it, Teddy? That’s how I expect you to act. I expect you to act on it, not just feel it. That’s why I’m wondering if it’s those daddy issues you still have that’s driving you. Because you’re the one who taught me to face tragedy head on, and then move the hell on.”
Teddy stared at her. His old man said she had nerves of steel, and she did. And she was perceptive too. Because she was right. Something within him shattered when Frankie told him that his father said he wanted to talk to Nikki after Teddy left the house. “When he asked to talk with you, as if he was going to offer you my job on the spot, that hurt me, Nikki,” Teddy admitted.
Nikki was struck by his admission. It was so rare for him to go down that deep that it was like an event whenever he did.
“It felt like a twist of the knife,” Teddy continued. “It felt as if he couldn’t wait to get rid of me. After all I did for that man and he was willing to get rid of me so easily? But then I hear the new death toll, and come out here and see the look on the faces of my men, and I can completely understand why he would want me out.I’dwant me out, too, if I was the boss.”
“Youarethe boss, Teddy, and not of any Bengino crime family, either. But of our family. The Sinatra family.”
But Teddy was shaking his head. “As long as Pop is around, I’ll never be anything but his flunky. You know it and I know it.” Then he exhaled. “I just didn’t want him to use you too.”
“It wasn’t about him using me. That’s why you gave me that ultimatum last night. It was about you making sure he didn’t have me without you. That’s what that was about,” Nikki said bluntly. “So let’s keep this shit real.”
Teddy knew she spoke the truth. “I’m fucked up, Nikki, that’s just the way it is.”
Nikki looked at him. “Don’t say that.”
“Let’s keep it real, remember? Well that’s the real. I’m fucked up! Ever since I was a kid I’ve been kowtowing to this man and it’s got to stop. Do you realize I live in Philly to this day because I wanted to be close to him? I had my own thing going. I could have lived anywhere. But I kept my ass right here in Philly. And for what? To be trampled on by him? I don’t allow anybody to treat me the way he treats me. Why do I do this shit to myself?”
“You love your father, and want to please him. That’s human nature, Teddy. That’s not a weakness or a crime.”
Then Teddy frowned. “Ah shit!”
Now what, Nikki thought. “What is it?” she asked.
Teddy motioned toward the office. When Nikki looked, she saw Mick’s big white Cadillac Escalade speed onto the property and keep driving past the office all the way to the dock. Then he got out and made his way toward them.
Both of them were staring at Mick as he walked over. Teddy noticed that he, like Nikki, was well put together in his Armani suit. As if he was over it already too. Teddy just showered and threw on whatever suit was at hand. He didn’t give a shit if he was matching or looked good or any of that. He just wanted the pain of his screwup to go away.
Mick stood beside Teddy and Nikki and opened his suitcoat, placed his hands on his hips, and stared out at the wreckage too. For several seconds not a word passed between any of them.
Until Mick spoke. “What’s the final count?”
Nikki knew the number now that Teddy told her. But she felt Teddy should be the one to tell his old man. That Teddy needed to be the one. “Sixty-one.”
