Page 100 of Shadows Within
“I’ll come?” Sophia asks. I nod in acceptance.
I lead us down an unlit hallway, until Sophia flicks the light on. We pass two other doors, both are shut. The last door is partially closed. I push it open and turn the light on. We both step into the bathroom, and Sophia shuts the door behind her. I grab a facecloth from a basket on top of the toilet and twist the tap on. It doesn’t take long for the water to get hot. I step in front of the mirror and wipe blood off my face. My cheek stings as I run the warm cloth over it. I grimace.
“Does it hurt?” Sophia asks me with a quiet tone.
“A little.”
I wash away all that has happened today, and all that I want to forget.
“I’m sorry.” She adds.
“Sorry? For what?”
“I should’ve tried harder, I should’ve fought more…” She looks at the ground instead of me.
“Sophia, I don’t blame you… You couldn’t have stopped them. What happened wasn’t your fault.” I look to her. “It was mine.”
“No, you don’t get to do that.” She grabs my arm. “You don’t get to blame yourself. If you won’t let me take any of the blame, you aren’t allowed to either. You did all that you could. You tried, Scarlett. What Elliot did to you was his own damn fault. If you ask me, he got what he deserved. But you don’t deserve any of it, you never did.” She pulls me in for a well warranted hug.
Her warm embrace and strawberry scent comforts me, but it’s not the comfort I crave. I hear mumblings as Callum and Stirling talk down the hall.
Sophia leaves, then brings back some clothes for me to change into. I assume they are Harrison or Stirling’s clothes from when they were younger. I hold out the oversized dark green crewneck and black sweatpants.
I gather myself and walk out of the bathroom, toward the kitchen. Harrison lies across the table, partially sedated. By the empty whiskey bottle beside his head, I assume the alcohol is responsible. Callum uses a scalpel to try and retract the bullet out of his leg. His belt is still on acting as a torniquet to control the bleeding, he’s focusing on the wound. Slowly his eyes drift onto me as I walk into the room. They barely meet before his attention is swiftly back on Harrison’s leg.
“How’s it going?” Sophia asks Callum.
“It didn’t hit anything important, he’ll be fine.” His words are cold and calculated.
“Actually, it kind of fucking hurts.” Harrison mumbles.
Sophia laughs and Stirling pats his brother’s shoulder while he glances up at her. They share a look, one that feels private—like I wasn’t supposed to notice. I turn away and my eyes can’t help but land on Callum. He stays focused, but his jaw tightens. I know he can feel my eyes on him. I approach the patio’s sliding door and look out at the view. The large lake curves, and I can’t see its fullness. Before I slide the door open, I look to Stirling. He nods with approval.
Cool wind hits my face as I step onto the deck. It’s still early winter, where the ground isn’t covered in snow yet, but the grass is lined with a crystal sheen. As I look to the sky, the warm sun brushes against my cheeks. I step toward the railing and savour in the beautiful nature around me. Birds chirp and line the tops of some bare trees. I forgot that calm places like this exist. I’ve been so caught up in the chaos that I haven’t stopped to appreciate what and who is around me.
A few minutes pass and I hear the sliding door open. Callum comes into my peripheral view as he props his hip against the railing beside me. He isn’t looking at the view, he’s looking at me.
There’s so much I want to say, so much I should say, but I can’t. He doesn’t say anything. I finally work up the courage to look at him. The dark bags under his eyes don’t take away from his beauty—they add to the image he tries so hard to protect.
“Callum, I don’t know where to go from here—”
“No Scarlett.” He calmly cuts me off. “Let me get it out, please. Just… just give me a minute.”
The vulnerability in his voice makes me want to listen. He studies the water. Another moment of silence passes.
“I’ve never had anything good in my life. I hurt people. I don’t know how many people I’ve killed—Elliot wasn’t the first, and he won’t be the last. And I’m not sorry about any of it. I keep replaying that moment when I walked into the room and saw what he did to you...what he took from you. I’ve never been so powered by rage and… and by love.” His eyes meet mine and a single tear falls down my cheek.
“You have been the only good thing in my life, even when you’ve almost broken me. I’ve never wanted anyone to ruin me so gently. I can’t live without you, Scarlett. But after tonight, if this is too much… you deserve so much more. I can’t explain the agony I’m in when I see the pain in your eyes... after what I did...what I had to do. But Scarlett, you must know, I was never going to pull that trigger. I could never fucking do that. I’d kill myself before I ever hurt you. I killed my own father instead. But I needed the Highers to believe… I had to make it real, just for a moment. I went to the darkest place within me, but looking into your eyes is the only thing that brought me back.” He plays with the ring on his index finger.
“I won’t blame you if you don’t want this, but know that you will always be mine, and I’ll never let you go.” He takes a step toward me. My breath hitches, just enough for him to notice.
“You have nestled yourself inside the darkest parts of me and made a home. You can never be set free.”
He steps closer.
“I think you love my darkness.”
He takes another step.
