Page 55 of Shadows Within
“I’ve been in trouble my entire life.” The words spit from between my teeth. I know he’s not threatening me, but it doesn’t help that I’m already on edge. If Father has noticed, it means that they are paying attention to me. Suddenly, I feel an urge to protect Scarlett, something that I haven’t felt so strongly since that night four years ago.
“I never question The Society, Sir.” The lie seeps from my mouth like poison, but I’ll do anything to protect her.
“Good man.” He reaches for my shoulder and grips it. It takes everything in me to stay in place. When he finally breaks the contact, I dig my fingers into the palms of my hands, almost cutting my skin.
I walk outside and get into my car. I need to see her. My engine rumbles as I back out of the driveway. From the centre console, I grab my sunglasses and look into the rear-view mirror.
The place that made me who I am and ruined all that I have stares back at me.
This fucking place.
Silent Gestures
Scarlett
Rain is back in the forecast for the next week. It’s not unusual for November, but I’m not ready for the nice weather to leave. Wind hits the back of my neck. My wet hair is contained in a clip. I walk across campus to the lecture hall, constantly looking over my shoulder. I feel uneasy, almost like I’m being watched.
There is no one behind me, but the whole situation with my mother has shot my nerves completely. I’m surrounded by so many people in the halls, but I still feel so alone. I open the lecture hall door and take a seat in my usual spot. The room quickly fills as everyone takes their seats and pulls out their notebooks.
As I place my bag on the ground, my phone vibrates. I pick it up, turn my notifications off, and check my messages—two from Callum and one from Sophia.
I should answer Sophia, she hasn't done anything wrong.I pull up our conversation.
Sophia:Miss you. Can I bring you coffee later?
I know that even if I say no, she’ll likely show up. Deciding to text Sophia is the first step to get past this.
Scarlett:I’d love a coffee. After class?
I hit send before I can change my mind. Lately, I feel like I’m making decisions without even thinking about them. Even my usual anxiety never hinders me this much. Her response comes through fast.
Sophia:Can’t wait! XO See you soon.
I put my phone away. Professor Elliot lifts his briefcase onto the podium, before he pulls out his textbook and laptop. He scans the class, landing directly in my eye line. Our eyes meet. If I was into the whole ‘hot for teacher’ thing, I’d think he’s cute, but it’s never been my niche.
I react with a small, partly forced smile. He returns it, like it’s a habit.
“Good morning, everyone. I hope that you all did your readings.” He picks up the textbook.
“Today, we’re going back to different brain imaging techniques. Does anyone remember the different techniques that are used?”
Well, is he talking about in each State or in general?I raise my hand, along with a few others.
“Scarlett.” He looks at me.
“Well, Sir, here in the States our first options would be an MRI or CT scan. But in Europe, they tend to do an EEG with an MRI instead of the CT scan sometimes.” I didn’t have to read this week’s syllabus to know the answer to that—we’ve discussed this topic many times in various classes.
“Why do you think that is?” He leans against the podium, his hand brushing the stubble on his face.
“Well, we still do EEG’s here, but they are mainly used to test brain activity in real time. Meanwhile, the CT scan is used more for diagnostics. But with the EEG, the test can be impacted by exterior factors, like no sleep and various medications. A CTscan focuses more on the anatomy of the brain instead of what’s going on inside of it. I think that both have a purpose and are useful for different things. Overall, an MRI is the standard practice.” The words come out so easily, like they’re second nature to me at this point. As someone who hated speaking up in the beginning of my program, finding my voice has boosted my confidence.
Today, I needed that.
“Exactly. Let’s dive into EEG’s first.” He sets his textbook down and opens his laptop.
The rest of class flies by. A few other students participate at times, but Professor Elliot looks to me for most answers. I don’t always want to speak, and sometimes I wish other people would step out of their comfort zones and engage more.
As class comes to an end, I gather my papers and laptop off the small desk attached to my chair. I throw my bag over my shoulder, my palms are sweaty. A hand reaches over me and holds the door open on my way out of class. I turn to see Professor Elliot.
