Page 53 of Bordeaux Bombshell
“Did what people in love who finally say it out loud do?”
Heat crawls up the back of my neck before blooming on my cheeks, but I nod. “Yeah. It was my first time, and it was perfect. He was perfect. We didn’t tell anyone.”
“Brother’s best friend. I get it.” Lauren gives me a knowing look I don’t understand, then purses her lips. “Not that Kel seems like the type to get all stupid about it.”
“Um, no?” I shake my head, not following. “It had nothing to do with Kel. I’m pretty sure he’s known the whole time and just Kel’ed it by never saying anything.”
“Kel’ed it?” Lauren burst out laughing. “Oh god, that’s the best description I’ve ever heard. The man is both ridiculously observant and obtuse. Did you know I’d been hanging around Sunshine for over six months before I heard him talk? And the first thing he did was tell me that my brakes needed to be looked at.”
I laugh. “I believe it. Anyway, no. We didn’t say anything because I knew our moms would be planning the weddingwithin the hour. In case it wasn’t obvious, I’m not a girly girl. I never dreamed of prom or weddings or getting dressed up. In fact, I never had any girlfriends at all until I got to college. From the time I was in high school, I just wanted to live on the Ridge with Nate and a million cats. Didn’t care about anything else.”
I take another sip, rolling the wine around in my mouth to distract me from the way my heart is squeezing. I’ve never spelled all of this out before—when I told Nate the night I left, it was the first time I’d ever confessed what happened, what had shattered my heart so badly.
“He didn’t want to make anything official while he was away. Said he didn’t want to tie me down ‘just in case,’ even though I kept insisting there would never be anyone else for me. But he didn’t believe me and insisted I consider myself single until he came back for good.”
God, he was so determined to be noble. To let me live my life until he came back. He never did understand how much of my life revolved around him, around the possibility of us. I got a degree in marketing because I thought it would be helpful for growing our wine dynasty. Even when I thought there was no real hope, I kept working freelance in case he suddenly changed his mind. There are a million reasons, but more than one of them was so I could travel at a moment’s notice.
“Except he never came back for good, did he?” Her words are softer and softer, no longer goading me into revealing the truth. Almost hesitant, like she’s not sure she likes where my story is going.
She’s right—she’s not going to like this.
“No. The next year, when he came back for our birthday, it was my turn to pull him out into the fields. I offered to come to France with him and do a semester abroad. Almost convinced him, too, but then Greg dropped the news that he’d sold toSutton. Nate took off in the middle of the night. Left me a note telling me not to wait, that he was never coming back.”
Lauren’s face has gone pale with my story. “Oh my god. I took Alfie to Sunshine. I’m the villain. We’re the fucking villains in this.” She keeps muttering to herself while I push up from the couch, needing to move. She looks up when I walk past her to stare out the window at the waves outside. “I’m so sorry.”
I sigh, shaking my head. “You’re not the villain, Lauren. Nate is the one who spent the next five years throwing a temper tantrum in France.”
“Five years is a long time to wait.”
“I wasn’t waiting. Not on purpose.” I swallow hard and rush through the next part, the part I’ve only ever confessed once. “I followed him there. Waited a month for him to calm down, and when he never responded to my messages, I got on a plane and tracked him down.”
“What did he say when you got there?”
“Nothing. He didn’t know until a few weeks ago. When I arrived, I spotted him and Manon at a café in town. Kissing.” Saying it still hurts. Even knowing they were never really together, it still pulls me toward the anger I’ve held on to for so long. “Turned around and left immediately, never said a word about it to anyone. My parents think I went to London.”
I turn at the sound of footsteps behind me. Alfie wiggles the wine bottle in his hand, pouring more for both of us.
“London’s overrated.” Lauren smiles at him with a cheeky grin.
“Blasphemer,” he mutters into her lips as he kisses her.
God, I want that. I want that easy teasing, followed by affection. I’ve wanted it every time I’ve seen Kel carry the diaper bag for Maggie, or my dad open the door for Mom.
“Is he listening, or does he just know you that well?” I can’t help the question.
Alfie disappears again, and Lauren turns back to me, clearing her throat. “He’s not listening, he just knows how long it takes Sophie and me to finish a glass when we’re having a good gab. Keep going, you were just getting to the good part.”
Keeping my back to the view, I lean against the window. I focus on the cool glass behind me instead of the heat building in my chest. “Not sure I would call it the good part. He was gone, and I tried to move on.”
“And then he came back, and…?”
“You’re fucking persistent, you know that?” Turning the conversation back on Lauren so I can take a second to wrangle the emotions running roughshod over me seems like a good idea until she grins. Now I’m worried.
“I’m a nosy bitch who loves a good romance. It’s one of my finest qualities. Sophie would agree.”
A tiny part of me regrets asking Lauren for help, but a bigger part of me had a feeling she was going to drag the story out of me. And maybe I wanted her to. Maybe I finally need to tell someone else the whole messy truth.
Guess I should have thought harder about going to therapy. Probably not too late for that.
