Page 59 of The Marriage Deal
“These are going to be good changes, Lilah.” Briggsmust have heard the reservation in my voice because he adds, “I wouldn’t be doing this if I didn’t believe that this is what Sunset Falls needs. Location-wise, Sunset Falls is prime. It’s not so far from big city amenities to make it a hassle to attract newcomers. But it is a hassle for the people who live here. The lack of monetary flow in the town makes the movement of the funds that do exist here stagnant and unsustainable long-term, which is why the town is feeling the strain it’s feeling now.”
I feel my voice soften. “Why are you doing this, Briggs?”
“I just explained it to you.”
“I mean—why areyoudoing it? What does it matter to you whether this town lives or dies, really?”
There’s a pause. “I’ve decided to make Sunset Falls my homebase. It wouldn’t do to have the town crumble around me, would it?”
“I suppose not.” Even as I say the words, something inside me wants to push him for more. Deep down, I know there’s more.
Someone calls his name in the background. His voice sounds muffled as he promises to ‘be right there’. Then his voice is louder when he returns to me. “I’ve got to go.”
“Okay.”
There’s another pause. Then he asks hesitantly, “When will you be home?”
Home. Goodness, the question feels so intimate. Ican’t deny the warmth that expands in my stomach. Warmth that has no place seeking roots.
“I’m going to meet Nan and Dakota for a late lunch then I’ll head that way.”
Another pause. Then he says, “Drive safe, yeah?”
Again, with that warmth. But this time it travels from my stomach to touch at the space around my heart. I say softly, “Yeah.”
We disconnect and I back slowly out of the stall. Had Michael once asked me to drive safe? I rake my mind for the memory and came up blank.
Michael wasn’t the ‘drive safe’ or ‘let me cook breakfast for you’ type. It’s sad how faking it with Briggs is bringing to light the mess of what I’d shared with Michael. At first, he’d been sweet and charming. He’d opened doors with a smile that shone. Literally. The man has a megawatt smile, and he’d made me feel like it was just for me.
I’d fallen for him hard. When I said I wanted to move back to Sunset Falls, he eagerly agreed small towns were the best. When I said I wanted kids and a house full of pets, he’d agreed to that, too. When I said family meant everything to me, he assured me family comes first.
I don’t know how I didn’t see it then. How he said all the right things but never truly acted the right way. He never went out of his way to put me first. He cancelled on plans more times than he showed.
And the little comments that settled like barbs inmy heart. I could still feel them there, the pinches coming to me out of the blue.
I know he wasn’t a good person. I’m fully aware I was a con all along. And yet, for some reason the words he said stuck with me even now. Even when I know they shouldn’t.
“Are you really wearing that? You’re beautiful, but blue, babe…” or “It’s been a while since you’ve worked out, eh?” or “She’s so elegant and quiet, but you’re beautiful, too.”
I found myself obsessed with my appearance in a way I’d never been before. I worried about a number on a scale that I’d never worried about before. I compared myself to other women felt stung with jealousy, when I’d only ever appreciated women’s beauty for the unique and lovely package it appeared.
Now, when I look at myself in the mirror, I don’t see the curves Mom taught me to love. I see the thick thighs with the faint stretch marks that I’d caught Michael frowning at in the car one day.
I used to be so confident. I used to believe my body was beautiful.
I’m getting back there, slowly. It’s a process.
But I won’t let him win. I won’t let the man who conned me continue dragging me down. Continue affecting me. Hurting me.
But it’s hard not to let something that burned so badly that you bear the scars not only on the whole of your person but on your mind, affect the life you livenow. Hard, but not impossible. Dad says nothing is impossible, and I’m inclined to believe him.
And Nan says there’s magic here, woven into the very land that sustains us. Without the impossible being possible, there would be no magic. I’m inclined to believe her, too.
So, it’s with effort that I push my bastard ex from my mind just like I push his words from my mind when I look at my reflection in the mirror. Like I refuse to let him ruin a damn good outfit, I refuse to let him ruin lunch with family.
Screw him.
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