Page 20 of Joel
I stay silent, sensing he wants to say more but not wanting to push him into it. It’s this strange yet certain knowing. As though we’ve known each other for years rather than two days. As though we’ve had many conversations that require handling with care.
“You remember when Nancy asked me how it felt to have my twentieth save?”
“Yeah. It’s twenty-four now, right?”
“Twenty-two. We had two crews out there.”
“Twenty-two is a number to be proud of.”
He nods, half committedly. Like that stat doesn’t mean much to him.
“I didn’t know it was twenty that day of the interview. That’s not the number I keep track of.” He hands me back my cup of coffee, our fingers brushing. And though there’s heat at the graze, it’s gentle and comforting. Not demanding as it’s been before. He doesn’t meet my gaze, just stares ahead at the bay. “Four is the number that matters to me. Four is the number of souls I couldn’t save.”
“But you saved everyone yesterday.”
“Yeah,” he says, standing.
I catch his wrist, sliding my fingers into his palm. “Talk to me, Joel.”
“You don’t want to hear this.”
“I do.”
He hesitates for a beat, but eventually he sinks back into the chair beside mine. I set down my coffee mug and crawl into hislap, wrapping my arms around his neck and resting my cheek on his shoulder.
“Last winter, there was a bad storm that came off the mountains. Hundred knot winds.” My blanket slips off my arm, and Joel strokes the bare skin of my shoulder with his thumb. “That’s category three hurricane force winds. It took us two hours to fly five miles. Same route would’ve taken minutes in clear conditions.”
He pauses again, and I wait in comfortable, patient silence for him to continue.
“It was January, and the wind chill was negative thirty. Our helicopter was rocking so damn hard. But there was a fishing vessel with four men trapped inside. They were taking on water, and their generator was going. They were going to freeze.”
A chill crawls up my spine as I sense exactly where this story is going.”
“We tried everything we could, but sending a swimmer down in that kind of wind… I probably would’ve ended up in the rotor blades.”
He doesn’t have to explain what that would have meant, because I understand. The entire Coast Guard crew would’ve been lost at sea.
“We had to turn back. We had totellthem we were leaving them behind.”
“Oh, Joel,” I say, kissing his neck.
“Another crew came out right behind us, but the storm slowed them too. They were too late.” His hand slides up my shoulder, then my neck. I lift my head, unable to look away from his parted lips. “They train us to expect this. They train ushowto make that awful fucking decision.”
“But—”
“Anyway, yesterday, it just reminded me of…January.”
I shift in his lap, my knees sliding to either side of his thighs. “Let me help you forget it all,” I say, trailing kisses from his collarbone, up his neck, and onto his temple. “Just for a little bit.”
“Kylie—”
“Please?” My plea is hardly a whisper, but it’s desperate. Because in this moment, the only thing I want is to take away this brave man’s pain.
I shimmy, bringing our bodies even closer. The blanket falls away, exposing my hard nipples barely covered by a thin cotton tank top. Joel buries his face in the valley between my breasts. I feel him harden against my spread legs, and I’m instantly wet.
He drags my lips to his, and our mouths move together slowly, deliberately, passionately.
Fuck, am I…fallingfor this man?
