Page 62 of Christmas at Hollybush Farm
‘Fantastic,’ finishes Llew.
‘Blooming marvellous,’ says Dad. ‘Just like we used to have.’
We sit and eat in silence, enjoying the comfort of the food and the here and now in the soft light over the table.
When we finish, I look at our empty plates.
‘So? Do we think people would like it? Would they buy it?Mamgu’s shepherd’s pie?’
‘Absolutely!’ they chorus, and I have another dish to take to the lorry tomorrow.
‘Any news on your car?’ I ask Llew, as we’re washing up, then wishing I hadn’t: once his car is done, his time here will be up too. I berate myself and wish I hadn’t said anything. ‘Not that I’m pushing you out!’
‘Sure?’ He laughs, and the room feels warm, safe and very cosy.
‘The body parts firm is still waiting for something to come in. But, seriously, if I’m in the way …’
‘Not at all,’ say Dad and I simultaneously.
‘It’s been lovely having you here,’ says Dad, and I don’t need to tell Llew that I feel the same. With no other thoughts about what we’re going to do in the new year to save the farm, it’s lovely to be right here, right now.
The next morning, the weather has taken a turn for the worse. There’s a cold, icy wind. Llew meets me again in the kitchen, handing me tea in a mug.
‘I thought you’d have run a mile by now,’ I say. ‘I mean, you’re the smart country businessman who never gets his boots dirty. Aren’t you desperate to get home?’ I take the hot tea and sip.
‘Maybe I’m beginning to like it around here.’ Thenhe introduces the elephant in the room. ‘Besides, I still have business, remember?’
I don’t want to talk about it. I want things to stay just like this, without having to think about the blooming solar panels. ‘Not on my watch!’ I turn away from him to the coat rack.
‘Jem,’ he says gently, ‘I know I said I wouldn’t say anything, and I’m not talking as Llew from Solar Panels now. I’m talking as your friend, I hope. Just … you know you can’t put it off for ever, don’t you? Your dad needs to do something to stay on the farm. And this way you can still graze the sheep around the solar panels.’
I throw my head back. ‘I know. I just wish it wasn’t like this.’
‘I’m sorry. I promised not to discuss it. But I will try to get the best deal I can for him. But you two need to decide by the end of the month. My office has been on the phone, reminding me that you’ve got until the end of December to sign the contract.’
I look around the kitchen, so cosy with the lights on. If only there was another way of making a living. Of making the farm pay properly. The pop-up is bringing in a bit of money. Mae insists we share anything we make, but it’s not enough to turn down the solar panels. I wish it was.
I nod. ‘I know. It needs to be done.’
At the cattle market, we park in the same place as we did yesterday. Mae is waiting for us. She’s made twice the amount of jacket potatoes.
‘Bore da!Morning,’ she says. She’s wearing a pair of flashing Christmas earrings.
‘Morning, Mae!’
I wish I could feel cheerier, but I’m still thinking about Llew and the solar panels. I slide out of the driver’s cab followed by Llew, who takes a tray of shepherd’s pies from me, our fingers just touching and sending a bolt of electricity around me.
I stop and stare at him. ‘What am I doing here, Llew? Why am I here in a cattle lorry selling homemade shepherd’s pies? I’m just putting off the inevitable, avoiding what really needs to be done, burying my head in shepherd’s pie and cawl so I don’t have to face the facts. Maybe’ – I take a deep breath – ‘I should talk to Dad, and we’ll just sign the paperwork. Agree to the solar panels. Get it over and done with. I mean, me selling this from the lorry … it’s not going to make enough money, is it, to turn down the solar panels?’
‘No, but you want people to understand where the food is coming from. Not from the mega-farms in America. Because it matters. Farmers should be able to make a living from what they produce.’
We hold each other’s gaze.
‘Or maybe I should fall on my sword, tell mybosses it was a moment of madness, and beg them to reconsider and take me back on in some role. At least I could try to raise a loan then, buy us more time, for Dad to stay on the farm.’
‘Is that what you want? Just to buy time? Or are you trying to make a difference here? To do something you believe in?’
I nod slowly.
