Page 38 of Christmas at Hollybush Farm
18
That evening we eat the cawl I made at home and brought back with me, and drink a flask of tea.
‘Are you sure you’ll be okay here tonight?’ I ask.
‘I’ll be fine,’ says Mae. ‘The children are at Mum’s. And it’s my ex Rob’s turn to have them tomorrow.’
I hate to leave her here, but I have to get back to Dad. It’s important to me to stand up against what’s happening to the hospitality and farming industries, but Dad has to be my priority.
‘Of course I’ll be fine!’ she says, far braver than I’m expecting. ‘It’ll be like a holiday.’
‘And hopefully tomorrow they’ll rethink and reopen, not leave the town with another empty shell on the high street,’ I say.
‘I’ll stay,’ says Owen. ‘If you’d like me to. I’d need to bring Jess in. But I just feel some of this is downto me. If I hadn’t had a tab running, leaving the till short, the figures might have looked different. Beti’s son might have been persuaded to keep it going if people like me didn’t owe the place money. I should have been firmer with the people who owed me and been able to pay my way, instead of passing on the debt to others to deal with.’
‘It’s not down to you, Owen,’ says Mae, reassuringly.
‘I should have found a way to earn more money. Maybe then I wouldn’t have messed things up with my wife and she wouldn’t have walked out on me,’ he says. ‘Maybe if I’d fought a little harder for what was important to me.’
‘Oh, Owen, you can’t think like that,’ I say.
‘But I do. If I’d been able to give her a better life, look after them all properly, she wouldn’t have looked elsewhere. Same as this place – if people had supported it more, put more money in the till, we wouldn’t have lost it.’
‘Owen, none of this mess is your fault.’
‘Maybe not, but Beti’s has been a lifeline when I’ve needed it. Maybe if I’d asked you not to leave, Jem, we’d be running our own farm by now, with children and even grandchildren on the way.’ He laughs and so do I.
‘Or up to our eyes in debt, divorced and miserable.’ We laugh again.
‘We can’t predict the future. Life has a way of throwing curve balls at us,’ says Evie.
‘We just have to learn to roll with them,’ I say, realizing I’m dodging the curve ball in my life. I don’t want to go back to my job. I don’t want the promotion. I’m not even sure I want to be with Matthew.
‘I can stay here with you, Mae, rather than leaving you on your own,’ says Owen.
‘Well, if that’s okay,’ she says, glancing between me and Owen.
‘More than okay,’ I say. ‘Really, Owen and I were a long time ago.’
‘We were. But we’ll always be friends.’
‘I’m glad you’re here, Owen,’ I say, ‘and happy to have you back in my life as a friend.’
‘Me too,’ says Owen. ‘Really, I just want to help. Give something back Mae, for all the help you’ve given me, letting me have lunches when I needed them.’ A glimmer of the old Owen. ‘Hopefully you won’t find me as boring as my ex did.’
‘Actually,’ she beams, ‘that would be lovely. And thank you for being here as my friend. Jess, too.’
I hug them, as does Evie, and then we slip out of the door into the darkening afternoon.
I toss my phone and my bag onto the Land Rover’s passenger seat. Thankfully, the engine starts and I drive back to the farm, trying not to imagine what my current employers would say if they knew I’d justbeen helping to stage a sit-in at the local café. But the idea just makes me smile. Much more than any of my day-to-day work ever did.
My phone rings and I can see it’s Matthew. I should answer. Tell him I’m having doubts about the new job. Instead, I let it ring out. Now, I have no idea what to say.
19
The following morning, after a freezing start with the ewes, I run into the farmhouse kitchen. Dad is in his armchair, with a blanket over his legs. ‘I’m going to the café, Dad.’
‘For the sit-in?’ His eyes dance with excitement.
