Page 75 of Love In Provence
She nods.
‘Which means,’ I look up at Fabien, ‘we could buy it.’
He throws his hands into the air. ‘We just said we need to make more time for each other.’
‘I know, I know, but this is the bistro! This is mychance to get it back! For it to be Henri’s again! Everything back to how it was!’
‘And how are we going to afford it?’
‘I – I’ll run the pop-up for longer. Try to get a deposit together. Don’t you see? We can get Henri’s back! We can do a fundraiser night, a memorial night, for Henri. We’ll get a licence for the band. We’ll do an auction. Just give me a chance to raise the money. Or try to do it.’
‘He’s asking top price for the place,’ Carine warns.
‘Then we sell here,’ I announce, without thinking it through. ‘We can live above the bistro. We’ll sell Le Petit Mas.’
‘And live above the bistro. You will live in your work. Where is the balance?’ Fabien says crossly.
‘But, Fabien, it’s everything!’
‘And your life will be nothing but the bistro. It seems to me you care more about Henri and the bistro than you do about what is happening to us.’
And with that he storms out again. And any of the bridges that had just been rebuilt are blown apart.
‘I know one thing for sure. There is no way Henri would have wanted this. You two still have each other. Don’t let it slip through your fingers,’ says Rhi. I hadn’t realized she’d joined us on the terrace. Or that Stephanie had arrived in the kitchen. ‘That’s why he wanted to leave. He had been tied to that one place for too long. He wanted to live while he still had the time. Yes,he loved the bistro but he’d realized there was more to life than that.’
I look at Carine. She shakes her head. ‘If you two can’t make it work, I was right not to believe there was one man out there for me.’
‘Go after him, Del. You have to!’ says Stephanie.
30
I knew exactly where to go to find him. When I realized he wasn’t at thebrocante, I knew where he’d be. Where we’ve all found solace at one time or another: down at the riverside, clearing up around the hut, sweeping the litter from the doorway. I watch him for a moment, then walk up behind him. He’s deep in thought. I reach out and touch his arm. He stops sweeping, and I don’t know if I made him jump or just interrupted his thoughts. I wish I knew what they were. It’s quiet here at the riverside. Just a couple of ducks on the water, paddling along, making it all look easy, while under the water they’re working hard. ‘Be like a duck. Remain calm on the surface and paddle like hell underneath!’ Michael Caine said that, and Henri liked to quote it when service in the restaurant got busy. I smile at the memory.
‘I thought you might have gone,’ I say quietly.
‘Gone where?’ he says.
‘I don’t know. Back to find Monique? To the band. Maybe I drove you away.’
He leans the broom against the shed and turns to me. I’m trying to read his face while wanting to hug and kiss him. He hasn’t gone. Not yet. A tiny glimmer of hope is flickering in my stomach.
He sighs and looks up at the larch tree. ‘I told you. I realized what I knew all along. I didn’t want her. I wanted you. But you just don’t have room in your life for me.’
I shake my head and reach for him.
‘You told me to go, Del, so I went. I thought you needed space to work things out for yourself. See if you wanted “us”. I just don’t know what to think any more, except that the only thing that seems to matter to you is the bistro, getting it back. Getting one up on Zacharie, even if it means climbing into bed with him.’
‘I did not climb into bed with him! It was a kiss. One kiss and I regret it more than anything. But I was alone, thinking you were with Monique. Which you were!’
‘It was just a kiss.’ He reaches for my fingertips. ‘And one I regret very much. It’s in the past. All of it. I need to know about now … the future.’
The little glimmer of hope is becoming a growing flame inside me, warming and comforting me. ‘Metoo. I want us. Wherever that may be. If you want to go on the road with the band, I’ll come with you.’
He laughs. ‘You’d hate the sleeping arrangements.’ And I get a glimpse of Monique undressing in a tent and shake it off. I’m not going back there.
‘I mean it. Henri’s was part of the journey, my journey. And you have to know where the journey ends.’
He hesitates. ‘Are you talking about us?’
