Page 91 of My Lemon Grove Summer
He looks at me with sadness in his eyes.
‘I thought if I could marry you, settle on somebody, then everything would become clear,’ he says. ‘I’ve been confused for so long. Not gay, not straight, neither one nor the other. I knew that if I married you, someone I care for very much, I could finally work out who I was.’
‘What you needed to do was follow your heart and see where it led you.’ I smile a watery smile. ‘When we came here, when you suggested it . . .’ I swallow, ‘was it because of the man from your office? Marcus? The one who’d just split up with someone. The one who wasn’t the settling-down type?’
He looks at me and nods. ‘You know me too well.’
‘It took a while to work it out!’ I laugh.
Lennie looks at Valerie, who is still standing by the door.
‘What I want is for you both to be happy,’ she says. ‘That’s all I want. It’s all any of us want; the ones who care about you. I was wrong to try and push you together, thinking of my own happiness. You can’t find happiness in other people’s lives. You must do what’s right for you. That’s what me and your dad did, and I have never regretted a single moment of it.’ Her eyes fill with tears.
Lennie looks back at me. ‘And what will you do?’ he says, looking as if his heart is breaking in two.
‘Stay,’ I say. ‘Become a lemon farmer, because no one ever . . .’
‘. . . became a lemon farmer for anything other than love,’ and Luca steps into the room.
‘You came back!’ I gasp.
‘Yes.’
‘Why?’
‘I want to be a lemon farmer too.’ He starts to smile.
‘And I love you. From the moment I first saw you,’ he says as he steps towards me.
‘But . . . how did you know? How did you know I . . .’
‘Someone contacted me and told me that if I really loved you as much as they thought you loved me, I should get back here now and tell you that.’ He looks at Valerie, and I suddenly remember her taking her phone to the bathroom when she went to get me the loo roll.
‘I had his number. From the day Sophia went missing.’ Valerie looks choked and anxious, as if worrying whether she’s done the right thing.
‘I thought . . . I hoped to persuade you,’ Luca says, gazing at me. ‘I wanted to tell you that I love you. That I think of you all the time. I feel complete when I’m with you. Because I know you. And I know that you would go through with this to make everyone else happy.’
‘The town . . . Giuseppe. The project. We promised them a wedding!’
‘But like you said, Zelda, this is about being true to yourself, not thinking of others. This is about whatyouwant.’
I look at Lennie.
‘You can’t choose who you fall in love with,’ I tell him sadly. ‘I really wanted to fall in love with you.’
‘And me you!’ He sniffs. ‘Life would have been so straightforward. Straight being the operative word!’
‘I thought I was doing the right thing, the sensible thing. Trying to prove that I could grow up and be like everyone else. I was trying to ignore the impulsive voice that always gets me into trouble, saying, “Don’t do it, don’t agree to it.” But Ican’tdo it. I’m not in love with you, but I love you.’
‘And I’m not in love with you, but I love you. I love you because you’re brave, fearless . . .’
‘I’m not brave! I’m terrified all the time. I was brave because I had you beside me,’ I say.
‘I’ll always be here for you.’
‘And me you. We’re lucky to have each other. Friends?’
‘The best of friends for ever!’ And the world seems to slot back to how it should be.
