Page 84 of My Lemon Grove Summer
‘As long as you are sure that this is what you want, it will be the best day of your life,’ he continues as he pins. ‘And turn,’ he says, and I shuffle round on the box. And now, dear God, he is pinning just to the side of my right breast and I feel I’m about to explode and go into orbit. I look up at the ceiling, trying not to think about the sensation of his hands on my bare skin, the desire building and burning . . .
‘I have a condition,’ I say. ‘It’s called ADHD. It makes me . . . impulsive.’ God, I hate that word. It’s how the doctors described me. ‘I was always in trouble at school. Couldn’t concentrate on the lessons, my head always somewhere else, maybe three places at once. I was forever forgetting homework, or losing it. I remember losing my school coat for the third time; my care assistant went ballistic. And I could get into an argument practically in an empty room. I always acted first, thought later. Lennie knows what I’m like. He keeps me grounded. Marrying Lennie is about me keeping my impulsiveness under control. He’s my rock. He understands me and helps me stay out of trouble.’
‘But it’s part of who you are,’ Luca protests. ‘You wouldn’t have come to live in a ghost town in Sicily if you weren’t impulsive. It makes you brave. Braver than most of us. Maybe it’s what gives you wings . . .’
He looks up at me, and right there and then, something inside me just slots into place.Maybe it’s what gives you wings . . .I repeat in my head, and I think about my life so far and realise that he’s right. It’s made me who I am, and actually, I think Ilikewho I am.
‘You stood up to my father. No one else has done that.’
‘That’s because I just see red and don’t think about the consequences.’
‘And look how you got everyone at Il Limoneto to stay.’
‘Again, heat of the moment.’
‘And the street party, and the limoncello . . . It’s fantastic. You make things happen. You have brought this town to life. You have made me realise what I’m missing in my life too . . . someone like you.’
We look at each other, and the impulsive me wants to just move in and kiss him and stay there for ever. But it’s him that turns away and focuses on the job in hand. I try and think about anything other than his hands on me. I think about what it was like when we first arrived here, when we all discovered we would be living in the house together. And then finding out that Tabitha was writing about us. Then Etna erupting, and getting the B&B up and running, and that first night when we learned to cook pasta. And Valerie arriving, and me realising how much she means to me and how much this wedding means to her.
I think about Lennie, and how he has embraced life here, working with Matteo; and the others, who all seem to have found their place too. Ralph has been sketching more and more. Billy is loving his chickens and Sherise the vegetable garden, and Barry has positively embraced pasta-making. Even Tabitha is a changed person and has lost all her prickliness. I think about finding Sophia in the tunnel, how everything that had scared me about life came back to me in that moment. I think about Valerie taking the verdello, and how she was worried about the wedding not happening.
The kiss comes back into my mind, and I push it away firmly. I think of the locals coming out to help us pick the verdello, and the town now preparing for the street party and the wedding. The curse of Etna staved off by Lennie and me marrying. How everyone seems to have found their happiness . . .
‘Zelda?’
Luca’s hands have stopped moving around my body, and I slowly start to open my eyes. I see him first, looking at me, and then the mirror he has placed in front of me. The ribbon is in place. He walks behind me and lifts my hair off my neck. I can feel his breath there.
‘Zelda, this is what you want, isn’t it?’ he asks, looking at me in the mirror.
The dress makes me feel . . . well, like the person I have always wanted to be. Luca has done that. He has made me feel powerful, in control of my life for the first time ever. This is me taking charge of it now, my life, my future, my destiny.
‘Marrying Lennie is the right thing to do for everyone,’ I say slowly.
‘Then I won’t ask again,’ he says, letting my hair fall and stepping away, and a part of me realises I will never feel like that again.
I look in the mirror. I know I have to do this. I have to marry Lennie, or I will lose everything I have here.
‘I’m going to stay,’ I say. ‘Make more limoncello if I can. I can’t leave. I love it here. After all, no one ever became a lemon farmer for anything other than love.’
Chapter Forty-seven
By the time I leave Luca’s, the sun is setting and the sky is the colour of citrus fruits, brilliant yellows and vibrant oranges. Everyone from the house is gathering in the town square. Barry and Ralph are firing up the big oil-drum barbecue. There’s a table with bottles of verdello limoncello to give everyone a glass or two to say thank you for their help. Valerie’s bunting is hanging up, and Lennie and Matteo have strung the town’s Christmas lights, which haven’t been used in years, all around the square and zigzagging up the main street, softening the peeling cream and salmon-pink walls. Giuseppe has rigged up his record player and a speaker and is playing Frank Sinatra with a wonderful authentic crackle. Valerie is watering the geraniums, her hips swaying to the music, but her head is down and she’s still very reserved.
The chef from Luca’s restaurant is cooking porchetta on a big spit, and Sherise is laying up a table to serve it from. The air is full of the smell of herby slow-roasting pork, joined by the scent of caramelising peppers and onions. It smells like Christmas when everyone you love is there.
I look at Valerie. We’ve hardly spoken and I know she’s feeling bad.
‘Valerie,’ I say.
‘Yes, dear,’ and she looks like she’s terrified I’m going to finally tell her to leave.
‘Valerie, what you did was wrong, but I also know why you did it.’ I take her hands. ‘I’m marrying Lennie. We’re going to be a family. I give you my word. Just like I’ve given my word to the people of the town, who need a wedding to happen. This is a fresh start for us all.’
‘Oh, I’m so pleased, love. It’s what I’ve always dreamed of. And I’m sorry I was such an idiot and tried to spoil your lemons.’ Her head drops again and she starts to sniff. My heart twists. She might not be my mother by birth, but she’s the best one I’ve ever had. I reach out and wrap my arms around her.
‘We all make mistakes, Valerie.’ I repeat Barry’s wise words quietly. ‘That’s why we’re here. But we all deserve a second chance too. That’s why we have to pull together and make this work.’
She looks up at me, takes my face in both hands and kisses my cheeks.
