Page 77 of Savannah Royals
But on nights like this, I truly wonder if both of us will make it out alive.
There’snothinking.Nohesitation. I go straight to the bayou house.
Abe and Tony are bumming around in the kitchen when I torpedo through the door. I stand in the entryway, shaking with both anger and cold. I never put on my coat; it’s still bunched up in my fist.
Abe takes in my red-rimmed eyes and devastated face. “Oh, Kat.”
I let out a tiny, pitiful wail before hurtling into his arms.
Tony walks around the table and hugs me from behind. “Mmm, it’s a gringa sandwich,” he mumbles into my shoulder. “It tastes so good.”
He does his job well. I sniffle out a laugh.
“You shouldn’t let him upset you like this,” Abe tells me. “He’s an idiot.”
“He is, isn’t he?” I agree with another sniffle.
“He is.”
“You see, I know that.” I pull back a little, enough to look at Abe. “Logically, I know it…”
“But?” Abe prompts.
“But why does it hurt so much?” I bury my face back in his chest. “He’shurtingme, Abe. I don’t want to feel like this anymore. And I don’t know how to fix it. It just feels broken.”
They stay with me in the kitchen for an hour, letting me get it all out. They listen, and they’re there. When I’m finally all cried out, I do something I’ve never done before. I walk into Abe’s room, forsaking the master bedroom, with him and Tony. And all three of us curl up on his bed and go to sleep.
It’s another gringa sandwich. Andit feels so good.
Pauldoesn’tcomeoveron Christmas morning. Or afternoon. Or evening.
By the time night falls, the three of us are locked in a heated card game. When I’m laughing and playing with the guys, I can almost forget what a miserable Christmas this has been. But then Abe excuses himself for the bathroom, and I sigh, slipping back into a morose state. Absentmindedly, my eyes follow his back as he disappears.
“It’s okay to love them both, Kat,” Tony tells me softly, putting down his cards. “I do too. A little differently than you, I think, but still. It doesn’t make you a bad person. El corazón quiere lo que quiere.”
I look at him, surprised. He’s referring to Paul and Abe, which means he only has two-thirds of the story.
“What about three?” I ask. “Does loving all three make me a bad person?”
“Thedoctor? Really?”
“Maybe.” I take a deep breath as I try to explain. “Abe is my rock. Paul is my lifeline. And Matthew…when I’m with him, Tony…sometimes, it feels like Matthew is becoming my everything.”
“That sounds rather serious.” Tony sits back. “Paul knows?”
“He suspects. And he doesn’t like it.”
“Of course he doesn’t like it, Kat. You’re doing to him what you do to Abe—making him watch something that hurts.”
“It’s not like that with Abe. He doesn’t mind. We’ve talked about it. A lot.”
“He tells you he doesn’t mind, Kat. That doesn’t make it true. We have a saying back in Cuba, amor y celos, hermanos gemelos. Do you know what that means,gringa?”
“No.”
“Love and jealousy, twin siblings.” He crosses two fingers to demonstrate. “And you, Kat…I love you, but you’ve perfected this act. Abe was a dress rehearsal. The doctor’s the real deal.”
I’m saved from having to reply when Abe returns from the bathroom, but guilt taints my fingers and heart as we return to our game. There’s no saving my mood this time, and the night quickly tilts to its inevitable conclusion.
