Page 104 of Fix Them Up
It was clinical.
More importantly, it was boring.
I chewed at my lip. This had been my choice. I could have done something more elaborate, but I didn’t. I chose to be practical, and this bathroom was practical. It was inoffensive.
And I fucking hated it.
‘Kat.’ Liam frowned.
I shook my head. ‘Sorry. Yes.’
‘Grey or white? Or I can get some other colours if you want.’
As Willa would say, I was fresh out of fucks to give. I was pissed off with the boring white tiles. I was pissed off with my mum. The latter, I had chosen to ignore for the time being. On the drive back on Sunday, I told Liam what Brian had shared. Once we were parked in his driveway, the floodlights illuminating our faces, he’d pulled me into a long hug while a few tears escaped down my cheeks. Since then, three days had passed, and I’d moved through them in a daze. A low level of anxiety hummed. I was unable to concentrate on anything. I was flitting from task to task, each unfinished.
Even when I was at home with Liam, I was somewhere else. Ruminating over what to do about my job, the new career I desperately wanted to explore and the growing feeling that Everly Heath was home. I knew Liam had noticed, but he hadn’t mentioned anything. He showed up with gentle touches to my cheeks, bringing me back into my body, into the present. He cooked me food and kept my water topped up. He pulled me into his chest at night, neither of us mentioning that the annexe was outside, unoccupied.
‘You choose,’ I said, turning back to the bedrooms.
The carpets were going in this week, and I wasn’t particularly excited. I was thankful they weren’t grey.
‘Red,’ Liam said, his voice following behind me. I kept my gaze away from him, worried he’d read the misery on my face. His hand came up and cupped my neck, and he planted a kiss on my forehead.
‘Talk to me.’
I sighed into the contact, some of my residual anxiety running out of me.
‘I fucking hate the white tiles,’ I started. ‘And I know that is stupid because I picked them, and you took ages tiling, but I hatethem. They are too white, and it’s too bright in there.’ I raised my hands. ‘It’s boring. Nothing like what I designed. And I hate it.’
Silence.
I finally looked up to find Liam holding back a laugh.
‘What?’ I asked, exasperated.
‘That’s all? The tiles?’ He lifted my head to look at him. ‘I’ll take them down right now if you want. I’ll go pick up the ones you want.’
I ran a hand across my face. ‘No – those tiles are fine. It’s not what I imagined, and I knew that would happen. But I didn’t prepare myself to see it. To see all of it and be underwhelmed.’
I glanced around the house at the inoffensive white walls and the bare alcoves. I’d wanted to pay a carpenter to install some fitted wardrobes before I realised I’d be spending the money on someone else. My clothes wouldn’t be thrown in in a manic hour of tidying before company came over. No, the person who bought this house would probably be all ordered and fold their clothes into perfect squares.
I shook my head. I couldn’t believe I was becoming resentful of a fictional person.
‘Do you want me to take them down?’ Liam asked, and my head whipped up. He wasn’t joking. He had his serious face on. He’d spent a whole day tiling that bathroom. ‘I’ve got a hammer. I can start taking them down now. I’ll go to the shop now and order the other ones.’ I could see the cogs turning in his brain. ‘It won’t set us back many days. I can move on to the kitchen.’
‘No,’ I said, my hand linking with his. ‘Thank you, but no. I’m being stupid. Childish. This is me banging my feet on the floor. It’s a tantrum.’
Liam’s lips twitched. ‘I’m familiar.’
‘Hey! I’m not that bad.’
Liam pulled me into his chest. ‘I told you before. Anything you want, Kat. Anything. I’ll make it happen. You know that, right?’
I planted my head against his chest, breathing him in. He did make it better. Just breathing in his scent and hearing his steady heartbeat. I supposed that was our dynamic. I was hectic and overemotional, while Liam was steady and rational. We stood there for a few more moments as some of the anxiety dripped away.
Liam kept telling me, through his actions, that he was invested in this relationship, and all I’d done was insist we keep it casual. I’d never had someone so committed to me before, and it was scary. He was so certain of my vision and what I could do. It made me feel invincible and powerful. I wanted to feel like that all the time.
‘I was thinking of staying, Liam,’ I said in a small voice. I didn’t lift my head. I kept my face in his chest. ‘In Everly Heath. I’m thinking of staying.’
