Page 136 of The Reno
“In here, Katherine,” Mum said, and I froze like a teenager caught climbing through the window after dark.
I corrected myself, repeating my affirmations. I held my head high as I walked past the front room, which had become colder and dustier since I left. I strode into the little galley kitchen at the back of the house, trying to emulate how Willa walked around the office in her pencil skirt.
“Hello,” I said, opening my mouth to apologise for my late arrival, but I snapped my mouth shut.
Graham and Mum sat at the wooden kitchen table we used for breakfasts and lunches. The orangey wooden kitchen cabinets were cosy, making the room feel smaller. Graham was a full head taller than Mum, even seated. Their hands were cupped around steaming mugs of tea on the faded polka-dot tablecloth.
We’d had it since I was twelve.
Before I’d left, I thought Mum and Graham’s house was charming and eclectic. Now, everything was thrown into a new light. It was a mausoleum. I just wanted to throw open the windows and let some breeze in. I wanted to donate all the crap they held onto. Stupid trinkets Mum was curating, all items holding her back from doing what she wanted to do—travelling the world.
“Sit down, Kat,” Graham said, and panic rose in my throat.
“What’s happened?” My brain searched for some kind of catastrophic event. Dad was already dead. Oh god, was it cancer?
“Nothing bad,” Graham said with one of his soft, reassuring smiles. I never understood how Graham and Mum worked together. She was so prickly and unrelenting, and he was so soft and pliant. Maybe that’s why they worked.
I pulled back the chair, suddenly conscious of my alcohol breath and how the room was slightly spinning.
“We want to talk to you about Everly Heath,” Graham said, and surprisingly, Mum didn’t bristle like she usually did at the mention of the town.
I sat up straight. “You aren’t persuading me to stay here. I told you from the beginning that I was going back. I just needed this time to make sure everything was sorted with Willa.”
And with you, I wanted to say.
I wanted to shout that Liam and I agreed that I hadn’t returned here with my tail between my legs. I wasn’t going to have my mind changed.
I hadn’t stopped thinking about Liam for weeks. Each morningwas a brutal reminder when I rolled over, searching for him. The dreams were the worst—they taunted me with moments of Liam in the kitchen, kissing me. A blend of memories. I missed waking up next to him, his scent around me, the weight of his arm across me. I missed the tree-lined walk to the club and, most worryingly, Ray, the jazz singer and his polyester waistcoat. I missed laughing with Lydia and Sandra at the club. I even missed the light sheen of rain on my face on the walk home.
“We know, Kat,” Graham said, glancing at Mum. “And we’ve had some… discussions about your move. Mum and I didn’t agree at first.” Graham reached over to pat Mum’s hand, and Mum’s head nodded just an inch. “I think it would be good for you to have a fresh start somewhere new. And this chap of yours—” Graham paused.
“Liam.”
“Yes, Liam. Well, you mention him so often, so I suppose you are rather attached to the chap.”
My lips twitched. “I am.”
I’d been trying to recreate some of Liam’s recipes at home for Mum and Graham. I never got them right, but each one got better, and I loved mentioning his name at the dinner table. I revelled in the way Mum’s eye twitched. I didn’t give a fuck what she thought anymore. Just mentioning Liam’s cooking and Lily’s made me feel like I hadn’t dreamt him up. He was real. And I’d be back soon.
It made my heart ache but in that lovely, painful way.
“I’m not going to ask for your permission,” I said, and Mum’s eyes flickered to mine. “I’m a grown adult.”
“No, we know,” Graham said, ever the diplomat.
“You hurt me, Mum.” The champagne had loosened my tongue. “You lied to me. You push Dad away. You let me believe he didn’t love me.” My voice broke, and I saw regret etched on Mum’s face for the first time. “I’ve grown up terrified of letting you down, like I did at school. So I’ve done everything you said just to get a glimmer of approval from you. You picked my university. You suggested I work for Willa. I stopped seeing anyone you didn’t approve of. Then, I just wrote relationships off completely because I knew there was no point. I couldn’t make you happy.”
Mum opened her mouth, but I held up a hand.
“Let me finish. You owe me that.”
She gave a small nod.
“I’ve been stagnant. I was bored out of my head. And okay, maybe that is a bit to do with my ADHD, but so what? It took Willa pushing me to do anything about it. I’ve found where I want to be. I know it’s a risk. But I can’t live like life isn’t about taking a little risk. It isn’t living, Mum.” My eyes flickered to Graham, his bespectacled face uncharacteristically intense. “You should both live yours.”
“Kat,” Mum said, and I tried not to react at the use of my nickname. “I realise I’ve made a lot of mistakes. If you can believe me, whatever I did was out of love. It was because I thought it was best—”
I opened my mouth, but Mum stopped me. “I was wrong. I’m realising that now.” She glanced at Graham. “Graham made me see how blind I’ve been. I’m sorry.” She inhaled. “I can’t say I’mhappy about you moving to Everly Heath. I don’t understand it. But I don’t have to. I just need to accept it’s what you want.”
