Page 68 of Forgotten Vows
As I closed the door to our suite, I stayed as quiet as possible. Planning to go to the balcony and enjoy the mild night while I waited for Ivan to talk to Luka, I was surprised to see Alexsei and Emil heading the same way. They walked down the wide corridor that met my end, and from the point at the top of the double staircase that led downstairs, we all merged to move toward the balcony in the other way instead.
Seeing Ivan’s cousins walking down the hallway bothered me even more. Neither of them had a woman in their lives. Emil and Alexsei were both single, without a girlfriend or wife to come home to. Yet, here they were, just walking along, not under any urgent pressure to report to Luka immediately.
I tried my hardest not to be irritated that Ivan would never be mine. He would always choose his family over me. He would always prioritize talking with and checking in with his uncle before me. Always Luka’s loyal soldier. Never just my man.
Stop it.I shook my head.It is what it is, Raisa. Stop these thoughts. He is a strong, loyal man who might just want to do the right thing. And that’s good of him.
I felt guilty to complain at all, even in my head, because hewasa good man. He did protect our son. And I knew that ifanything were to happen again, he wouldn’t hesitate to step up to the challenge and protect Lev again.
“What’s that long face for?” Emil asked as we approached. “Is Lev having a rough night after what happened earlier?”
It was sweet of him to be worried. And I wasn’t offended that he wasn’t checking up on me. He knew this couldn’t be anything foreign or unfamiliar for me.
“Nothing,” I replied, hating how selfish I felt about wanting Ivan to pick me over his duties. Because he had gone out tonight to defend not just Ivan but also his family. He sought out a mole who threatened the Dubinin power, not only our son.
“Where are you headed?” Alexsei asked.
“I figured I would get a breath of fresh air. Lev just fell asleep.”
I didn’t need to explain myself or justify my actions to them. But that wasn’t even what this felt like. These two men were becoming more like family than any man in the Petrov family ever had been.
“But Ivan’s back,” Alexsei said, frowning.
I smirked. “Yes, he is back and reporting to your uncle just like he should. Because he’ll always be a soldier before allowing himself to be anything else to anyone else.”
“Come on, Raisa,” Emil teased with that smiling expression that was his signature grin. “Are you jealous that my father takes up too much of his time?”
I rolled my eyes, declining an answer as they joined me, walking with me.
“Because you should know that you’ve taken up way more time than anyone else in his life,” Alexsei said, matter-of-fact.
I frowned at him, not understanding. “No, I haven’t. Ivan and I were together for four months when I was supposed to be traveling and studying for university. And then he was gone.”
Both men made a dubious face, like I was hilarious for saying that. Somehow, if it wasn’t supposed to be funny, they seemed to think I was incorrect.
“No,” Alexsei said. “That’s howyoucan interpret it. He had four months with you and thenyouwere gone.”
He had it backward. Ivan left me first. I didn’t want to rehash it and go over the details about that breakup, though. It had been discussed too many times with too many people. At this point, I just wanted to move forward.
“I bet that Ivan hasn’t really explained it yet, but you wereitfor him. There was no one else in his life.” Alexsei raised his brows, as if daring me not to believe it.
We reached the balcony, and they both waited until I sat in a chair before they took a couple of chairs for themselves.
“If you’re trying to tell me that he didn’t date anyone or sleep with anyone for eight years…” I shook my head. He was too hot to be celibate.
“That is exactly what we’re telling you,” Emil said.
“We tried to set him up with people, and I saw him trying to move on after you. But he just couldn’t,” Alexsei said.
Emil leaned in like he was ready to whisper to me, sharing a big, juicy secret. “He might want to kill me for telling you this, but just so you know, he couldn’t even get it up.”
I covered my mouth with my hand in a lousy attempt to hide my smile. That was music to my ears. I was that possessive of him. Even if it was selfish of me, it was a beautiful thing to hear.
“I don’t think he could even remember that night. But one time, we were drinking and he was wasted, I don’t know, maybe five years ago. And he admitted that he just couldn’t get hard for any other woman. But when he thought of you, he had no problem?—”
Alexsei shoved his shoulder. “Okay, yeah. He will kill you if he knows that you’re about to tell her that he masturbated to the memory of her. That’s crossing a line.”
Emil cracked up. “Fuck.Youjust told her, not me.”
