Page 21 of Forgotten Vows
Once I was ready to depart, I called for a ride to get me at the opposite corner from the direction of the Rafaels’ house. Whatever it took to avoid Eliot seeing me.
I stood in the shade, comforted with the weight of one of the guns on me, hiding in my waistband at my back.
I’d done it.
For years, I’d been doing it all.
Raising Lev. Keeping him safe. It wasn’t fair that I had to be confronted with the truth that I just couldn’t do it all on my own in the end. I was only one person, and the man we had to go find would have plenty more resources than I ever could.
Still, it was a defeat in a sense.
When I ran off after Ivan showed me how disloyal he’d been to me, I intended to never look back. To raise my son and live a life away from crime.
Having to surrender and seek help now stung, but this wasn’t a time for pride to be an obstacle. Not when this was a life-or-death scenario pertaining to Lev.
As I waited for the car to pull up, I called the only number I had for Kalina again. It really showed how alone I was in the world that I could try to get in touch with a distant cousin Ihadn’t spoken to in years, but again, I wasn’t a quitter. I’d keep trying to reach her just in case she’d be able to be an ally for me.
When she didn’t call back or text, I began to lose hope. Having her as a backup would mean the world to me. Because going back to New York and dealing with the Dubinins was scary enough.
“Sorry to keep you waiting,” the driver said when he showed up. “Running late today.”
I shrugged, not wanting to leave an impression on him such that he’d remember me at all. Being unidentifiable was the objective, always, until Ivan could lend some help.
What if he doesn’t?
I bit my lip as I got in the backseat, trying my best to focus on the present moment of escape. I told the driver the directions to the school, but as he drove there, I warred with the worry that I could show up in New York and Ivan would have no interest in helping me keep our son safe.
It’d been years.
He never even knew that I was pregnant.
He’d doubt that Lev was his.
Oh, God. I’m so fucked.
The more I envisioned what-ifs, the sicker and more nauseated I felt.
We pulled up to Lev’s school, and I asked the driver to wait while I collected my son. Tension had me moving jerkily. Stress clouded my mind. But I kept a cool demeanor as I told the front office I was here to get Lev for “an appointment”. It was a lie, but it wasn’t like I could explain anything. Our being here, as Petersons, was a lie to begin with.
Lev smiled and was happy to see me, but when he came outside and saw the car, he frowned. “Mama? What appointment do I have?”
I shook my head slightly, still scanning our surroundings. The weight of the gun reassured me, but I was still too damn tense to relax at all. “We need to run.”
He sobered instantly. This wasn’t the first time we’d relocated. Before, it had just been my fear that prompted me to move. Only today had something actually happened. Up until those Riveras, no one had compromised our safety.
It broke my heart that Lev knew. He clammed up, getting a numb, vacant look in his eyes like he did when he was really scared but thinking a mile a minute with anxiety inside.
But he didn’t protest. He knew the drill. I couldn’t explain anything right now and he’d know better than to ask. I’d let him know when it was safe to speak and make eye contact with anyone. For now, he got in the car without a word and we rode to the airport.
On the ride, I tried Kalina again to no avail. She wasn’t answering. Maybe it wasn’t even her number anymore. I couldn’t leave a voicemail in case it wasn’t her. Like this, I had no choice but to fly to New York and have help there.
I heaved in a deep breath as Lev and I entered the airport. I held his hand tightly, not daring to release him at all in this busy place.
Flights to New York were listed on the screens above us, but when I saw the line of our specific flight, dread kicked in and mixed with the anxiety that gripped me, much like it had to be doing to my son.
“New York?” he asked quietly.
I nodded.
