Page 43 of Forgotten Vows
“And you’d know how that goes.” Emil sobered with a look at Alexsei. “For real.”
“You lost your wife?” I asked. I didn’t want to pry, but since they mentioned it…
“You haven’t seen a wife around here, have you?” Emil asked sarcastically.
I flipped him off.
“Yes. I lost my wife when Misha was younger.” Alexsei didn’t offer any further details, but he didn’t need to. I heard the sorrow in his voice. He was still grieving.
“I’m sorry for your loss,” I replied honestly.
“How about that? A Petrov feeling sorry for a Dubinin.”
I scowled at Emil. “Yeah, you haven’t changed one bit. Still offering your useless observations and opinions, hmm?”
Alexsei sighed, perhaps more immune to Emil’s personality than I was. “My wife was killed several years ago, and since then, I’ve been a single dad for Misha.” He raised his brows. “Hey, that reminds me. Since I’m no longer the only parent around here, or single parent, I suppose, you should see about having Lev get back in school here.”
I blinked quickly, surprised he could try to change the topic like that. Discussing his dead wife then a reminder about my son’s education? Maybe he was grieving more than anyone thought. As if he didn’t want to talk about his loss at all and would jump at any other subject.
“Well, I don’t know if you can call her a single parent.” Emil pointed at Ivan. “He seems awfully committed to making up for lost time as you hid around the world.”
Hmm.That proved that they were looking into all I’d told them. Emil was no doubt in charge of checking out my past as they determined what to do with this Rivera threat.
“I didn’t keep Lev from him to hurt him. I cut ties with all Mafia families and agendas to keep Lev safe from all of this.” I wished they’d understand. “Besides, Ivan leftme. He walked away from me to be with that?—”
Emil sat up, shaking his head and getting a cigarette out to light it. “He was never with that actress.”
Alexsei nodded. “He’s right. Ivan was never talkative about why he walked away from you, but he was never involved with that actress. It was a lie.”
“But why?”
Emil shrugged. “Ask him.”
“Because he wanted to be loyal to Luka and your family? Not me?” I was getting sick of the concept of having to fight for him to choose me.
“Ask him about it,” Emil said after blowing out smoke.
I wanted to. But in this limbo of a waiting game for what the Dubinins could do after the Riveras attacked me, I didn’t want to prevent Ivan from having this time to bond with Lev. I saw how well they connected. I witnessed the father and son getting closer. And I couldn’t be so cruel as to prevent Ivan from having this experience. Nor could I live with myself for depriving Lev from meeting his father.
Each time I saw them together, I couldn’t bear to stop them from getting closer. Lev had missed out on having a father figure all this time. While it hurt a little to know I wasn’t good enough, just as his mother, I let my heart open a little bit for Lev to grow and expand his horizons. To learn how to let Ivan in.
But that in no way meant Ivan would letmein his life like he was doing with Lev. He was adamant that Lev was his son, his heir. But I was… just the woman he fucked. I was just the former flame who was filling a gap in his life right now.
Our families were still on opposing sides. Luka still wasn’t a fan of any Petrovs, me included.
I was hesitant to believe that Ivan wanted me back for good. He said those things last week in the heat of the moment, carried away with lust. Just like I was. In the light of the day, though, we were civil at best. I didn’t approach him, and he seemed more focused on Lev, not me.
Notus.
Be grateful, Raisa. Be grateful that you and Lev are safe.
Because like always…It just is what it is where Ivan and I stand.Wishing we could get over the distance of the last eight years for something more than this limbo status of life, I sighed and resolved to focus on what I could do now.
“So. School, huh?” I said, looking at Alexsei, who’d fallen quiet.
“Yes. Misha receives private tutoring, but they have group sessions too. In case Lev is used to a more structured education system.”
“He is. Or was.” I furrowed my brow. Enrolling him in any kind of a school would be a step toward assuming we would be staying here. That seemed like too far of an advance to count on, and I didn’t want to set myself up for disappointment. If I had to stay tough and strong and not lower my guard, I couldn’t be thinking in terms of some kind of fluffy, happily-ever-after. For all I knew, Luka could determine that I can’t be trusted, and then what?
