Page 4 of Forgotten Vows
RAISA
Sweat dripped down my back. It collected along my spine until the waistband of my uniform pants were damp. Or rather, damper than they were before. In the muggy, soup-like confines of the laundry room at the hotel I worked at, it was a constant cycle of being hot, hotter, and even hotter yet. Machinery spun and filled with the steamiest, scalding water to better clean the sheets and linens, but it was the three of us employees in here who operated it all who had to drip and sweat nonstop.
I was used to it, but that didn’t mean I had to enjoy it.
I winced, finding the sticky wetness on my back unbearable. It didn’t matter that I’d been working here for years now, ever since I moved to the outskirts of the sprawling and bustling metropolis of Paris. And it didn’t matter that I’d been familiar with this humidity and manual labor. I was still wet and uncomfortable.
There was no point to complain or whine about it. It just was. That was how I’d reshaped my perspective on life for the better part of the last decade.
It just was.
All the circumstances that had lined up and overlapped to put me in this sweaty, tired position were fate.
It is what it is.
Learning long ago that wishing for another future was a frivolous waste of time, I kept my head down and released a slow, steady sigh. The exhale didn’t do much to cool me down. As I lifted my face to squint through the steam and spot the clock on the opposite wall of the laundry room, I inhaled with the relief that my shift was done.
Iwasn’t done, though. On my way out, I collected the bag of mending and sewing to do. It didn’t amount to much, but the side hustle I could do in the evenings helped pad the grocery budget. One of the other workers here asked me a year ago if I could help with a freelance kind of seamstress deal, and I was eager to make more money. Whatever it took to make things not as tight.
Under the unrelenting sunshine outside as I began the walk to pick up Lev from school, I was still on, ready to handle the other job that I faced with the same tenacity and fatigue as I did at the hotel’s laundry room.
There was no break. No peace. But the sweetness of freedom and the meager safety I’d found for us made it all the more worth it.
Because… it is what it is.
“Just don’t even think about it. Don’t.” Shaking my head a bit, I trudged on under the sunshine. Between the rays of heat and light and the bulk of the weight in the bag I’d strapped over my shoulder, I felt like a pack mule in the desert.
Trying times like these made it all the more harder to resist reflecting on what my life used to be like. It was that much more of a challenge to ignore the memories of when I didn’t have to struggle like this.
When living in luxury and plenty of air conditioning was a given.
When all my needs were met and I never had to work or slave away for anything at all.
When chauffeurs and drivers were available to take me anywhere I wanted to go, at any hour of the day or night.
As I neared the school and spotted the dark-brown hair of my son, a slow smile lifted my lips.
Those long-ago days were also when I didn’t have this precious little boy in my life. And nothing would ever make me regret that. Nothing—and no one—could ever convince me to give up being his mother and keeping him safe and healthy and happy.
“Mama!”
A huge grin crossed over his boyish face. That expression never failed to make me feel like the most important person in the world, the most valued woman in the universe. Love for my son would turn every dark day into a brighter experience. The joy I could witness on his face would always make the lousiest mood into something so much better.
“Hi, Lev.” I held my arms out as he ran to me, ready to launch into my arms like he’d done since he was old enough to walk, then sprint. The pleasure of being the one he’d run to would never fade, but as he got bigger and older, I had to brace myself for him to reach me.
You’re getting so tall. So big.
It was too soon for him to go from being alittleboy into abigboy. But time was cruel like that. No matter the year or his age, I would forever wish time would slow down. That he could stay my sweet, innocent child for as long as possible.
But at least I’m sparing him the cruelest of cruelties he would’ve experienced back home.
A soft grunt was all I allowed as he jumped into my arms with his exuberant hello. We both laughed as I caught him and spun slightly. Like this, my heart would always be full.
“Hi, Mama!”
“How was your day?” I asked as I let him down.
Used to my dislike of being in an exposed area for too long, he took my hand and fell right into step of walking down the path. Like me, he seemed eager to get out of the heat and garish sunlight beaming down on us. We had fresh air to enjoy, but getting home would allow us a chance to be in the shade and relax.
