Page 29 of Forgotten Vows
Nothing could’ve prepared me for seeing the man I’d once loved again. I missed him and hated him. It was a toxic mix that didn’t guide me into any other behavior than being combative.
That was how we were. We drew out the best and worst in each other despite the short term of our relationship. Right now, I was too defensive to serve the purpose I’d come here for.
I’d only come here to get help. I could no longer protect Lev on my own, and I needed Ivan’s help. But I wasn’t in any position to ask for anything. I’d stormed here with Lev with a chip on my shoulder for how Ivan had broken it off with me. Too much old pain and hurt resurfaced, making me defensive. At the first sight of Luka’s stern expression and lack of welcome, I knew I was walking into the enemy’s territory.
Which was ironically my best chance at having protection for my son.
Alone in this room with Ivan, I spiraled even further. Memories of private moments bombarded me. Recollections of past intimacy and secret smiles and touches tormented me.
I couldn’t go back there. There was no way I could trust him with my heart again. Yet, with no one else watching us as he scowled at me, cornering me against the walls, I was taken back to the excitement of what it was like to be the sole object of his attention. To when we were young and carefree, without any excuses not to touch and kiss and?—
No. Hell no. Stop it. Get a hold of yourself!
“How the fuck could you hide my son from me all this time?” he demanded in a low growl.
“To keep him safe,” I shot back, as if it should’ve been obvious. “And what is it to you, anyway? You walked away from me.” I pointed at his chest, jabbing my finger at the hard wall of muscles there.
He snatched my hand, his eyes lighting up with anger. “If I’d known?—”
I tugged free from his hold, not trusting how right it felt to have his hands on me at all. It was a heady experience to be under his direct gaze, a sinister one at that, but to feel him? That was too much.
“What? If you’d known I was pregnant, then what? You’d keep me as a side piece while you fucked your girlfriend? You’d make me be your mistress while?—”
He stepped into my space. Letting out a growl, he set his hand on my neck. A slight squeeze was all it took for me to understand how unhinged he was. How close he was to losing control.
I swallowed hard, hating how having his hand on my neck like this led to some of the hottest sex I could ever experience.
No. No! We are not going there.I couldn’t be so dumb as to ignore the warning bells in my mind and cave to lust. It wasn’t right. It couldn’t be fair, how easily I could surrender to the memory of him.
He’d cheated on me. He left me. He never sought me out. For that trifecta alone, he had to be the enemy where my heart was concerned.
“Why did you do that to me?” I demanded, keeping all the heat in my tone and in my glower because if I cracked, if I let him detect how he’d hurt me, I’d never reclaim any authority or power in this exchange again. I couldn’t let him see how much he’d broken my heart. “Why did you deceive me and sleep with her? Why did you leave me for her in the end?”
We’d faced so many odds. If we wanted to be together past that summer when I was supposed to be off studying at university, we could’ve tried to fight the Mafia politics that were certain to stand between us.
But he hadn’t even tried.
“You are in no position to just show up and demand answers. You are answering me. You are telling meeverythingthat has happened since the last time we saw each other.”
“Me?” I shoved at his chest, incensed all over again at the mere possibility he could thinkhewas a victim and deserved answers, not the other way around. He had no damn right to act like I’d wronged him. He cheated. He left. All I did was survive.
“You'd better start talking now, Raisa, so help me God…” He shook his head as he tightened his grip on my neck slightly.
And damn it if his dominance didn’t turn me on.
I had to hate him now. Nothing else would do. I couldn’t live with the oxymoron of loathing him and desiring him in the same stroke of a second. Fate couldn’t be that cruel.
“No. You answer me. Tell me why I wasn’t good enough to fight for. Tell me why you had to go to her instead of?—”
“I didn’t.”
I pushed his chest again to no avail. He didn’t budge. So furious and feeling out of control, I lifted my hand to slap him again for lying like this.
“I didn’t choose her,” he insisted as he tugged me closer. Holding my hand out, stopping the slap I intended for him, he pulled me to him with his fingers wrapped around my neck. He didn’t wait. He didn’t ask.
Forcing me toward him, he secured me under his control until we met in the middle. With our lips. He crushed his mouth against mine, stealing my breath and silencing me at once. Kissing me like he wanted to rage and vent all his anger by locking his lips against mine, he growled. Then he grunted. With a rough inhale through his nose as he reared back to stare at me, he showed me the glittering fury he couldn’t hold in any longer.
And I was no better.
