Page 115 of The Hitchhikers
It was harder, climbing the steep bank, and took more strength. She was exhausted by the time she found Jenny halfway up, sitting cross-legged near an area of jagged gray rocks.
She was staring at something in her lap. Alice moved closer. Jenny shifted her body and uncrossed her legs. Then Alice saw that Jenny was holding the gun. She stopped.
Jenny looked up at her. “I found it. It was just lying there.” She gestured to the rocks. “Is he dead?”
“Yes.” She expected more of the screaming and wailing, but Jenny seemed to have gone somewhere else in her mind. Her face was vacant, her skin still wet from tears, and her eyes dull. Alice knew that feeling. When the pain was so enormous, it took everything from you.
Alice held out her hand. “Let me have the gun.”
Jenny frowned. “No.” She raised her arm, and Alice gasped, dropping lower. She flung her hand up, a foolish defense, but there was no bang. She opened her eyes.
Jenny had the gun pressed to her own temple. She was looking over Alice’s shoulder.
“It’s my fault,” Jenny said.
“He fell,” Alice said. “Listen to me, Jenny. This is important. He fell.”
“I pushed him.”
“He was going to shoot me, you tried to stop him, and he lost his balance. That’s what I’ll tell the police.”
Jenny looked at her, brows furrowed, but she didn’t lower the gun.
“Please put the gun down.Please.I don’t want you to hurt yourself.”
“All those people were hurt because of me.”
“You didn’t make Simon do those things.”
Jenny was getting upset again. Her breaths faster, and her hand shaking.
“I loved him, and he loved me.”
“I’m sorry. I know.”
She pressed the gun harder against her temple, her face twisting, eyes squinting, like she was building up the resolve to pull the trigger.
“I know you want to be a good mother. Mothers do what’s right for their baby, even if it hurts them. You keep going. For yourbaby. Even if it costs you everything. That’s the price we pay.” Jenny was looking at her now. “I had a son. He died while I was in labor. I would have traded places with him a thousand times over. Think of your sweet baby. Please!”
Alice crawled closer. She reached forward, her hand wrapping around Jenny’s hand on the gun, then gently pulled it away from her head. Slow. Careful.
Jenny met her eyes and took one big deep breath. Alice froze. Was she going to yank her hand back? Pull the trigger?
Jenny let go of the gun, and slumped forward, burying her face in her hands as she sobbed. Alice rested her hand on Jenny’s bowed head and stroked her hair.
“You’ll be okay. Everything’s going to be okay.”
Jenny only cried harder. “How can you say that? Simon’s dead. I’m going to prison. My life is over.”
“You’re so young. You’ll get parole one day and can build a new life. Anything is possible.”
“Not for me.”
“Yes. For you—and your baby. You’ll always have a part of Simon.”
Jenny took a few more deep, shuddering breaths, and Alice thought it meant that she was calming down, but then Jenny raised her head with a bitter smile, her face wet.
“The baby isn’t Simon’s.”
