Page 87 of Midwinter Wiles & Valerian Dreams
His smile falters. I’m not sure why, except…oh! He was trying to tell me something.
One more kiss, just to soothe that frown. “I want to hear more about your magic, Lark. I do. It takes my breath away.Youtake my breath away. Later, okay?”
His eyes are oddly sad, but he nods. “Later.”
My chest squeezes. I want to bring his smile back, always, but that won't ever be my job. Our agreement is temporary. I’m only here to help him win the kids, which is all that matters. “Right now, we need to help with a buttock-related sliver incident, or something awful.”
That earns me a grin. “You have literally never been sexier to me.”
Lark is still chuckling while he tugs on trousers and brushes a kiss to my cheek before he slips out the door, still sliding his tunic over his head. I sigh as the door eases shut behind him, the faint creak swallowed by laughter from the front room.
I fall back onto the bed. The blankets are still warm from him. From us. My limbs are pleasantly heavy, my muscles deliciously sore. My heart is less settled.
The moonstone on the table pulses, shining pearly white. Lumi unfolds into the room with spilled moonbeams that coalesce into a crescent of shimmering silver. She drifts across the space and pauses at the edge of the bed, her glow a soothing caress.
“It seems Valkie has made a choice.”
“It probably wasn’t smart,” I admit quietly.
“Yet you do not regret it.”
I exhale. “No. I don’t.”
She hovers close, all grace and cool assessment. “You followed your desire. You let your heart speak without your mind stifling it. That is not weakness.”
“I want to tell him who I am. He doesn’t know the real me, or the danger that follows me. I know that wasn’t fake just now, but it wasn’t completely real either, was it?”
Lumi rolls over once, considering. “He may not know your true name or provenance, but has the rest been a lie? Has Lark not met the real Valkie?” Her light pulses in a slow twirl. “Yes, Lumi thinks he knows the real you better than most. Possibly better than you yourself, my snowdrop.”
I scoff, but her words don’t ring entirely false. “Aside from names and places, I haven’t lied when I talk about my past. At least, not in ways that matter. I wish I could be entirely true with him, though. When we reach for each other, even if all we can do is hold each other at night… that feels honest. There’s truth in those moments, even if it’s only temporary.”
Lumi regards me for a long moment. “Even a fleeting truth holds great power, Valkie. Lumi sees your heart grow open after all you’ve learned in your time here.”
I stare at the blankets twisted around my fingers. Silence falls, soft and heavy.
Then the door creaks again, and a hedgehog-shaped blur darts into the room, over to the bed, and scrambles up the blankets with as much dignity as a hedgehog can muster. He flops dramatically at my side.
“Hey, Hugo. Are you hiding out too?”
He gives a snort, curls into a loaf, and twitches his nose.
“I wish you could talk. Tell me Lark’s deep, dark secrets. I need a spy, Hugo. Just tell me what’s real.”
He grunts. Useful.
“Some of it has to be real. The attraction, at least. No one is that good at… what we just did… without genuine desire behind it.”
This time, I get hedgehog squeaks. Lumi rolls in midair.
“I know, I know. I’m overthinking. It was just lust. And can you blame me? You’ve seen him.”
Thechirrupthis time is quite indignant. Little weirdo.
“Fine, you’re a hedgehog. You find wrigglers delicious and are probably attracted to extra symmetrical quills or something, so what do you know?” I laugh softly, then fall quiet again. “I know I only have a little longer with him, and I don’t want to spend it closed off to love. Not that this is— ” I catch myself. “No. You know what? I’m not going to stop whatever it is I’m feeling.
“I can pretend I don’t have feelings, but if I keep walling everything up like Taynia, I’ll be no better than her. Look how that turned out. She turned herself and the whole Hinterlands into ice just because she wouldn’t face her feelings. I’m not doing that. I won’t pretend I don’t care. Even if it hurts later, even if it’s unreturned, I will not stop myself from feeling this.”
Another silence falls. Lumi’s glow brightens in a way that feels like approval. Like strength.
