Page 110 of Midwinter Wiles & Valerian Dreams
Finally, Helkki breaks it. “So…who’s going to wake her?”
I can almost picture the looks they’re exchanging. There’s only one answer, and I wait for it, straining to hear.
“I can’t,” Lark says finally. “It can’t be me.”
Of course it can!I want to shout.It’s always been you! Only you!I want to jump up and shake him until he believes in himself.Believe inus, Lark!
But the words stay locked inside, smothered by the darkness.
Chapter 38
Lark
The words scrape my throat with iron when I tell them it can’t be me. I want it more than anything, but wanting and deserving aren’t the same thing. Not in this world, and not when all we’ve had we built on pretense.
We lied to the townsfolk, to each other, and to ourselves. Magic that demands true love won’t work on falsehoods.
Yet, it never felt false. Every moment with her felt like a dream I didn’t want to wake from.
“I wish I could be the one, but it won’t work.” My ears droop under my hat, and Hugo chirps his annoyance.
“You don’t love her?” Taynia asks.
“I do,” I admit. “More than I should. But it won’t be enough.”
Taynia studies me. “I suppose not. A princess and a Wild One would be folly.” Her sigh carries no venom, only simple acknowledgment.
Hugo squeaks another protest, sharper and more pointed, and it hits me.
Love isn’t only one thing. It isn’t always the kind that fills ballads. Sometimes it’s loyalty, family, the choice to make someone yours.
“There’s more than one kind of love, Your Majesty.” I hold the flask out to the queen. “You’ve already given her one of the truest kinds. You chose her as your daughter. The happy stories she shared—that love doesn’t vanish just because you locked your heart away. She still loves you deep down, and I think you return that love. That’s true.”
Her gaze wavers between me and Talvie. “You think it will be enough?”
“I think you’re her best chance. Let yourself feel again; let the rest of the ice thaw. Fight for her like only a mother can. Please.”
Leaving is like wrenching my heart from my chest and walking away while it still beats, but I have to go. The kids were the first thing I ever wanted for myself. Talvie is the second. But while I can’t do anything about that last one, I can still go fight for the first. I can’t lose the kids too.
Nerves twist my stomach in knots, making the hall lights seem too bright and the walls feel too close. I should have been planning to face this alone all along, but I let myself hope I wouldn’t have to. Talvie’s been at my side, and I’ve been picturing her here with me, as my partner.
Folly, just like Queen Taynia said.
I hope this isn’t a foolish dream, too. What if I’m not good enough for this either? How will I keep moving if the sentries take the kids away?
The town hall smells faintly of wood polish over dust, its benches worn smooth. Faded banners of Ylvara’s crest hang above the dais. The beams overhead are stained dark, the whole place trying for stately but unable to hide the cracks in its plaster. All those flaws are there, just below the surface, if anyone chooses to look…
I smooth that rogue lock of Johannes’s hair for the tenth time, only for him to sneeze and send it springing up again.
Kat gives me a pointed look. “Stop fidgeting.”
Easier said than done. I can’t have them looking anything less than perfectly cared for. Not today. Her wings twitch under her sweater, giving her away.
Sentry Niemi enters and says hello before he moves to take a seat at the front left corner of the room. My stomach clenches.
The double doors behind us creak open again. A line of bodies shuffles in. Many of the folk are familiar. Then more…and then more behind those.
I blink at the sight of Ludo from the tavern, his vivid green hair bright in the drab room. “What are you doing here?”
