Page 66 of Hunted By Wolves and Shadow
Wolf loved me. In that stunning realization, I knew I loved him too.
I loved him with all my heart, with all the pieces of me that I’d found because of him, and he loved me back. The way he’d shut himself away in the cottage, taking the bedroom and letting me think the worst of him, all so he could keep me safe…
That’s what he was doing now!
He’d shut himself away from me emotionally after the curse was broken. He thought he was protecting me again, letting me go. It was the only reason Wolf ever did anything, to protect the ones he loved.
I knew then what he had done…why he’d withdrawn those last days. It wasn’t because he didn’t want me. No. That furry, deluded, kind-hearted, annoying mop-head thought he was protecting me by pushing me away and sending me home. He thought this was what I’d want.
Of course he did. He was a man with no memory who was losing the only place he’d felt needed as all the people he’dprotected moved on. He was free now, but he’d lost his purpose. Knowing him and the guilt he carried, he probably thought he wasn’t worthy of love.
What was I doing here in Baines? I should never have left him. I should have pushed and been bold, not been so willing to accept rejection and hurt like I’d always done. I should have stayed at his side showing him he still had a home with me, if he wanted it. I should have shown him howIneeded him. He didn’t need possessions and a house and a pack to protect in order for me to love him. He was enough for me just as he was.
Hurriedly, I threw clothes into a bag in my room, ignoring Jade’s irritated questions while she followed me to my closet. I had no more time for her.
For so long, I had blamed myself for the way people treated me. I couldn’t measure up, not to Jade, not to anyone. It was my fault that I felt like an outsider all the time, because I wasn’t trying hard enough to be like everyone else. I’d been telling myself for annums that nobody would ever want the real me, so I tried my hardest to be someone else.
I could either be authentic, or I could be loved. Never both.
Yet from the time I learned the truth about Wolf and Ruby, I’d been entirely myself. Whether boiling over in anger and grief, or drowning in doubts, or opening up to Wolf’s family in the enclave, I hadn’t hidden any part of me. Not the pain, not the strengths, not the weaknesses.
And Wolf had accepted me exactly as I came, messy and incomplete, full of flaws and scars. He thought he had nothing to offer me, but he had already given me the most precious thing anyone could ever give. He had given me myself.
“You're wrong,” I told Jade when I closed my bag and faced her. Her expression was exactly that of someone who had never been denied anything in her whole spoiled life. “There was a cost to your magic. It cost you me. It cost you any chance of a genuinerelationship, because you'll never know if anyone truly cares for you, or if you just desired their affection. You'll never know real love, Jade, and I feel sorry for you.”
“For me?” Jade scoffed, and it twisted her pretty mouth into something ugly. “Don't be ridiculous. I have everything I want.” But her smile didn't reach her eyes.
With my hand on the doorknob, I turned back. “I wish you'd told me. I wish Mum had stayed. I wish we'd been sisters the way we should have been. I wish any of these wishes mattered anymore, and I wish our family didn't have this history of hurting other people to help ourselves. I did love you, Jade. I hope you find that again, and I hope it's real, but it's not worth wishing for anymore.”
I didn’t need wishes. All I needed was my favorite wolfish grin and to be able to bring it to the face of the man I loved. I had never needed protecting from Wolf. I was his—body, mind, and soul—and I needed him to know it.
“Not that you asked, Jade, but my magic? It’s helping. I’m the one who ended the Mist. I hope those tarts help you, too.”
“What—?” My sister caught her reflection in the door’s window as I swung it open. She screeched at the sight of her now blemish-filled face. The extra ‘help’ I’d infused into the treacle tarts had worked its magic beautifully. “What did you do to me? Emi. Emerald! Get back here.”
All I’d done was make her outside match her inside, warts and all. Wasn’t that helpful?
I particularly liked the wart right on the tip of her nose. Smiling smugly, I hefted my bag over my shoulder and strode down the front walk into the late afternoon sunshine. Walking away from my childhood home, I felt aclickdeep inside. It didn't feel like leaving. It felt like heading toward something.
I knew where I was going, but the cottage wouldn't feel like home either. Because home wasn't a place anymore. It was a person. I needed to find Wolf.
Chapter 31
Wolf
Alength of ribbon fluttered from one of the low woven walls. It had been Raven’s, I thought. Now its lonely wave captured my own feelings. The enclave was abandoned. Everyone but me had gone, eager to move on with their lives beyond this place and the limitations of these woods. But I wasn’t ready.
The combination of losing Emi and sending my family off without me had carved out a hole inside me that I didn’t think would ever be whole again. I wandered aimlessly, picking up bits of this and that, tidying camp sites as if the residents would be back any time now to use them again. In short, I was being morose and stupid, but my ragged heart didn’t care.
The towering enclave walls had erupted with green leaves since the end of the curse, now resplendent with life and spotted with orange blossoms. It was more beautiful than ever, but the battered pot laying on the ground by Fawn’s fire filled me with a bone-deep longing.
Sending Emi home where she belonged was the hardest thing I’d ever done. Worry ate at me, and I could only hope her sisterand father would finally realize how wonderful she was and give her the love she deserved. I wished I could have given her the world, because I certainly had the love for her. Being without her felt like missing a limb or an organ, some critical piece of me had been torn away.
I had nothing. I wasn’t the wolf of the woods any longer, I was just a man with nothing to offer the woman he loved. A man without memory, without means, without purpose…was he even a man? I couldn’t ask Emi to settle for that when she was worth so much more. She may have forgiven me, but I couldn’t ask her to stay with the person responsible for upending her life and taking her family from her. Even imperfect, they were still hers, and I’d taken enough.
Clinging to my heart’s desire would have made me as selfish as the Ruby Witch, and Emi had already had more than her share of people taking advantage of her kind nature. So I’d put on a brave face and said goodbye, and it broke me.
Each goodbye had been as hard as the next, bitter and sweet at the same time. I was happy they were all starting new lives free from the curse, but as for me, I almost missed the pull of the Mist because it felt like a connection to something. I’d been here too long.
