Page 34 of Curvy Alpha Bride
It’s okay. This is just a contract, and I can leave soon.
Slowly, the tension returns as I think of how many days I still have to wait before I can leave—and where I’m going to go afterwards.
Just head back to Cyan Lock, like I never left? I don’t think so. I couldn’t face all my friends again, and I couldn’t go back to my old life, my routines. I was beginning to hate it there.
I try to cheer myself up with thoughts of travel, imagining going down the Range to other towns or even out to the human world, but then I only feel more miserable.
I have nowhere to go, and no one wants me… I do feel like I have a place in this pack, but I’m not living here with Xavier. How could I ever trust a man who left me the way he did, as if that wonderful night we shared never even happened?
My emotions twist me up until the tension in my neck starts to give me a headache. Sighing, I get out of the bath and wrap myself in a towel. I have to go out to my bags to find my pajamas, and I’m worried about walking past Xavier practically naked. But once I get out there, I see he’s already gone to bed.
A flicker of disappointment teases my stomach, making my heart bounce.
What, did you want to tease him until he threw you down on that rug in front of the fire and fucked your brains out?
Yes…
I put on my warmest pajamas and go back down the hall, trying to ignore the oppressive darkness outside all the windows. I’m convinced that my jumpy feelings all have to do with my inner conflict, and I refuse to get spooked out by my own imagination.
When I get to the bedroom, Xavier has his back to me, his breathing slow and even, obviously deeply asleep. My disappointment deepens even more as I slip into bed beside him.
I don’t even know what I want!
I lay on my back, staring at the ceiling as I tried to hold back my tears. I want those happy moments back—not only the ones we just shared, but all the memories from the past when we laughed and joked together, years of friendship and foreplay ruined, tainted by his rejection of me.
Must have been a hell of a shock to him, to have to face the woman he discarded so brutally.
The idea of Xavier struggling awkwardly with this gives me a perverse sense of comfort, and I manage to get myself under control enough that I don’t feel like I’m about to cry. Even though I manage to settle down and even relax, sleep is still a long time coming.
Chapter 12 - Xavier
When Mabel suddenly rushes from the room, I feel her loss like a dull blow to the chest. For a moment, the chemistry between us felt exactly as it had in the past, and I almost forgot what I’d done.
All those years wanting her, praying she would notice, then I finally get my chance… and I fuck it up as badly as a man can possibly fuck up.
I want to make it up to her, but I’m smart enough to know there aren’t any words that can heal a wound like that. The only thing that would fix this is to go back in time and tell her the truth. But even if I had that opportunity, I don’t know if I could do it.
I was so confused and incredibly freaked out. My entire life was a lie. I was going to a new town, with so much responsibility suddenly on my shoulders. I couldn’t explain all that to her—and I sure as hell couldn’t put her in danger.
As I listen to the water running in the bathroom, I remember pulling out of the driveway in my truck, on my way to meet Aunt Finnah so she could take me to my true home. Then, looking in the rearview mirror, I saw Mabel standing alone in my front yard.
I’ll never forget it, the way she had her arms wrapped around herself, her long hair tossing around her as if the wind was trying to force her to run after me… and the sad look in her eyes as she watched me leave.
Shaking my head, I snap myself out of the memory, getting up to stretch a bit. The last six months have been a trial for me. Just learning about my position and taking on theresponsibility of alpha was enough of a challenge without adding my worst mistake to it.
And I feel like something is not right… as if there are hideous things in the darkness, just waiting to be revealed. The pack thinks they can hide it from me, but it’s coming, I can feel it. Looming, creeping, closer…
With a soft groan, I go up the hall to the bedroom. Compared to the rest of the cabin, it has very small windows set high in the walls and feels less exposed. I imagine the rest of the cabin was built to show off the stunning views of the mountains and the lake surrounding it, and the bedroom has more modest windows to make it feel cozier.
I listen for a moment, hearing soft splashing in the bathroom. The thought of Mabel naked in the hot water, her skin shiny and slick, has such an effect on me, I have to hold my breath for a second to get myself under control.
She’s the most amazing woman I’ve ever been with. God, the feel of her in my hands, the way she moved under me… no one has ever excited me like that.
I turn away from the bathroom door, shutting my thoughts down and refusing to indulge in memories of that night.
I don’t deserve to take any pleasure from it. Not after what I did.
When I get under the covers, I relax immediately as the long day catches up to me. Relief tingles through my muscles as I anticipate a good night’s sleep, but I end up waking up over and over, tossing and turning to the point it feels like I’ve been running a marathon.
