Page 21 of Curvy Alpha Bride
Both. Always both.
I can see the edges of his lips curl just slightly, as if he knows he’s got me, and it’s only a matter of time until I give in.
I have missed this so much. We were friends for a lot longer than we were lovers.
I could almost slip back into our old pattern, if it wasn’t for the bed sitting right in front of me, a physical manifestation of all my worst fears—the ones that poured into my head the second I saw him in the rose garden.
“Not even a chuckle, huh?” Xavier says. “I must be losing my edge.”
“It doesn’t really matter how sharp you are,” I mutter. “The subject itself is not funny.”
“Maybe,” he answers. “But I’ve managed to bring a little humor to most things, even if they’re dark, and I don’t think this is all that bad.”
“Not that bad?” I ask, my voice incredibly soft. I can feel my body going hard, like stone, as a cold rush of nerves floods into my chest, paralyzing me.
“Yeah. I mean, it’s not like we haven’t slept together before.”
Don’t you dare talk about that!
I can’t draw a breath. It feels like my ribs are a cage of steel, slowly squeezing my lungs until I almost choke. Tears well in my eyes, but I don’t know if it’s from emotion or a physical reaction to stress.
“Are you okay? You’ve gone pale.”
“I…” Words fail me—there are too many of them—and the horrible pain ripping through me makes it impossible to choose enough to make up a sentence.
“Mabel,” Xavier says, sighing. He sweeps his hair back from his face with one hand, frowning as he looks at the ground. I recognize the gesture. He only does it when he’s really upset.
How dare you? You have no right to be uncomfortable about this!
When he looks up at me, his eyes are flickering bright blue like tropical pools lit by ripples of sunlight. He also looks far too serious, and suddenly, I know I can’t stand to hear the next words that come out of his mouth.
“Stop!” I yell, stepping away with my hands out. The hallway isn’t big, and I smack my back against the wall. “Don’t say it. Whatever you want to say, keep it to your damn self!”
The irony isn’t lost on me. For weeks after he left, I stared at my phone as if my attention could conjure a message from him. Some closure, even if it wasn’t an explanation, an apology, or a declaration of love.
Now I hope he never speaks of it again!
“I’m not staying here,” I say, my voice hard and firm. “I’ll find somewhere else.”
“Mabel,” he says, “there are no hotels or anything like that here.”
“So? I’ll ask some of the folks I met earlier. They seemed nice.”
And super weird, but I’ll take that over my worst nightmare right now.
“You can’t go knocking on their doors,” he says, a note of exasperation creeping into his voice. “They are expecting you to be their new luna. If you don’t stay here with me, they’ll know something is very wrong.”
“I’ll make up a story.”
“Didn’t you see the way they reacted to you? The pack is hanging all their hopes on this union. For the first time, they feel like they have a future. What are you going to do, tell them flat out you don’t give a fuck about them? About me?”
I narrow my eyes at him, feeling my heart speed up. He’s artfully brought up the issue of us splitting up in seven days, and what that might mean to the rest of the pack. I was truly touched by the way the others welcomed me and brought me gifts. Already, I feel like I don’t want to disappoint them.
I don’t have to be luna to help them. I can still come back sometimes.
It’s a lame excuse, and I know it, but the future conflict is way too big for me to handle right now, so I return to my current problem.
I’m tired… I’ve had such a long day. All I want to do is lie down, but I can’t go to bed with Xavier.
