Page 9 of Shattered Heir
I stood there, not moving. I could not help myself as I watched him, observing his body as he walked back to the hotel. I had expected more of an argument, but I was happy that there was no fighting. It would have tired me out—body, mind, and soul. I watched him walk away until I couldn’t make him out anymore. His back, legs, shoulders, and arms—every single inch of him, I loved. I loved him. The ache grew, and the hole in my soul screamed at me. As he disappeared back towards the light of the hotel, I walked alone into the darkness of the forest.
The monster within me seemed to thrive in the forest. It was as if she lived and belonged there. Everything seemed to make sounds within those woods, and every sound I heard made me jump. I pushed away leaves and touched the rough bark of trees as I let the beast out from inside of me. I let the anger, the rage, and the hatred consume me, and I screamed into that darkness and scratched and tore at myself in my rage. The bandages that Mary wrapped around my fingers earlier fell to the dirt. It took only a few moments before my barely starting-to-heal cuts from the cave were open again, oozing blood onto the bark of the trees and into the soil beneath me. I couldn’t feel the pain of physical wounds, however, not then. Dirt, moss, and bark covered my hands. I stumbled as the darkness continued to consume me. My melody flickered–almost gone completely as I let that anger and hate consume me.
Is this what corruption is?
For a moment, I was about to fully give into it—into that monstrous beast. But then, I heard a note reach out as if it were making one last plea for me not to do it, not to darken my soul.I stood up, and my eyes grew wide as I let the music of my soul wrap around me like a tight embrace. I wiped my bloodied, dirty hands on my pants and stared upward toward the stars. My hands were suddenly throbbing and aching with pain. Instead of causing me to be fearful that I wasn’t strong enough, the pain anchored me in place, and I remained in that moment, focusing—focusing on the truth that I hadn’tsuccumbed to the darkness, that something inside of myself had saved me.
I looked up through the thick tree branches for the brightest star in that sky, and I let the last bit of hatred and anger and rage crawl back into its darkness, from whence it came. The monster inside me–she wasn’t gone, not completely, but I had her caged for the time being. I had won the battle, but there was still a war to win, and I was sure that she would leave deep scars on my soul before she was finished with me. I smiled in the moonlight as I walked back to the hotel, my melody calming me as I went.
As I reached my hotel room, the night was still silent, and there was no sign of Shad, no sign that he had made it back. I spotted something balanced precariously on the doorknob of my room: a gold and red apple.
“You know, you really shouldn't be out there alone, Emma.” I turned around to see Shad. It seemed that he was still very much following me.
“And why not?” I heard footsteps near me, and I felt my breath catch up with my words.
“Are you okay?” his voice soft behind me.Shad,my soul sang, searching for his melody. But there was nothing.
“I am fine.”
He turned me around and looked at the disaster which I had made of myself. His eyes trailed down my entire body, and then he took my hands in his.
“What happened?” he asked, curiosity in his voice. “Does it hurt?” His touch was soft, and I wanted him to never let my hands go.
“I am okay, really; it was just an accident; the bandages fell off.” He smiled at me in a way that let me know he didn’t buy that story. I knew he wasn’t a shell, a zombie, how everyone described a soulless, and for that, I was grateful. He was different, so altered from the boy I had fallen in love with, but he was still there. In small ways, I could see it. I could see him in the way he cared, in the way our touches made him react. Soulless Shad was wearing a black button-down shirt, black slacks, and a black belt. At his collar, was a gray tie, knotted to perfection. I smiled, wondering if he still felt more like himself when he wore dress clothes, just like he had before. I guessed that some things were just innate, instinctual. Perhaps, it was just that he had only packed his formal attire, and had no other clothing options. Don'tget your hopes up, I tried to tell myself in order to save myself from disappointment.But why has he tied the tie? Isn’t that a sign?Also, he could have easily foregone the belt and the shirt tuck. I tried to convince myself that there was still hope, that so much of him was still the same as before.
And yet, as I watched his smile grow darker, I noted the things about him that had been altered. His hair even seemed different, longer than I thought it had been before, and it was partially in his face. Shad had always styled his hair out of his face. The looks he gave me were not soft, but hard and confused. His eyes were so dark and haunting. He didn't stand the way he used to with his hands behind his back as if he were about to command an army. He stood almost hunched, as if he couldn’t stand up straight anymore.
He lifted my cut hands to his lips and kissed them, one by one, as he wiped off the blood and dirt onto his shirt. I tried not to, but my jaw dropped a bit in surprise at his intimate touch. Justthe day before, he had thought that I had lured him into the forest in order to murder him. Suddenly, he wanted to be best friends and then kiss me, and then he did actually kiss me—well, my hands, but still: A kiss is a kiss.
“I miss you,” I whispered, wishing I had not let that thought slip out, while looking at his eyes, which were black and soulless, hoping that I wouldn’t scare him with the confession. He and I were friends. This was fine to tell him. Friends missed each other.
“I am right here,” he said as he released my hands, then wiped his own on his shirt before tousling his wild hair, making me wish I could touch his silky locks, too. I gulped and tried to push away the memories ofusand of our declarations of love from the cave which seemed to swirl around me. I had touched his hair back there, in that cave. It was soft, so incredibly soft.
Stop, Emma. The voice inside of me wasn’t my own. It sounded like Shad’s voice, but it couldn’t be—right?
How could that be? He didn’t have a soul’s melody anymore. He couldn’t hear my soul, couldn’t read my thoughts.Right?
“It’s just, not the same. You are different now, you know?” I whispered, wanting to hear his voice inside of me again. He looked thoughtful, a thousand questions wanting to spill out, but like the Shad I loved, he restrained himself.
I smiled, knowing again that he was still inside there, ever the patient, measured, and kind boy that I loved.
“Why were you out there? It’s dark. Did you want to relive that awful death-hike that brought us here?” he asked.
“I needed to be alone for a bit. Why were you out here?” I asked.
“I was stretching my legs, waiting for you. I also think that maybe I should let you know that I am looking after you, and that you shouldn’t go off alone.” His face frowned—none of the adorable nervousness that he used to display, which I had loved.
“That is creepy,” I said with a smirk.
“You’re being stupid,” his jaw clenched.
Okay, angry Shad was showing himself.
“Excuse me?”
He didn’t look at me, and he folded his arms across his chest. “Now don’t hit me, but you’re not excused, Emma. If I saved you by sacrificing my soul, how could you just go off alone? From what Keil just told me, a man stole my soul, but he wanted yours, and here you are wandering around the woods. Keil isn’t even sure where this man is right now! Does my sacrifice mean nothing to you?”
His shouts of anger made me flinch. I hadn’t ever seen him that upset before. It seemed as if I would never really know what version of that new Shad I would get when we interacted:great.
