Page 6 of Submit
It was easier to masturbate, and Larry didn’t considersex with himself any less enjoyable than sex with a person. It was just a different type of pleasure.
Larry didn’t have to worry about diseases or questions when he fucked himself. He spread out on his bed, legs wide, bent at the knees, ass lubed, then he began to push a thick dildo into himself.
Visions popped into his head, visions he didn’t want but couldn’t fight, of Bo, mask off, face blurry,holding him down, pushing into him, fucking Larry hard enough to jar him with every thrust.
Larry couldn’t get enough of the dildo. He soon lost his coordination trying to jack off and plunder his own ass. He settled for shoving the fake shaft in as deep as possible, squeezing his balls with the hand he’d had on the dildo, and fucking his other hand.
The combination worked, and he bellowed ashe came, hot seed splattering his chin and chest. It seemed like hours before Larry could breathe again, before his head unfuzzed from a glorious climax and his thoughts became coherent. He had just enough energy left to wipe off belly and hands—and his chin—then he rolled over and tangled himself up in the blankets, ready for the comfort of sleep.
* * * *
“Oh, sheesh.” Larry groaned asdull pain brought him fully awake. The blaring alarm was a nuisance, but the pain…the pain was his friend. He stretched, pulling at sore spots, and used one hand to slap the alarm button to the off position.
He’d slept well, something that was rare for him. In fact, Larry couldn’t remember the last time he’d slept for more than a few hours without waking up.
A good beating and masturbating hadworked better than any sleeping pill he’d ever had.
So what would it be like to have Bo whip me, then fuck me?
“No.” Larry sat up, his earlier pleasure gone. If he let Bo do that to him, there was a chance Larry might want more. And more and more until he found himself falling for someone.No, falling for Bo.
That wasn’t going to happen. Larry didn’t need anyone, not for more than a fuck ora wallop and not for the mix of the two.
And, anyway, for all he knew, Bo hadn’t wanted to fuck him. It wasn’t like Bo had argued about the no-sex rule.
That was just a matter of respect.At least, Larry thought it was.
Reminding himself of why he’d set the alarm in the first place, Larry got up and headed toward the shower. He had an anonymous donation to make as soon as possible, and hisbank would try to talk him out of it.
Larry showered and made himself presentable, wearing an actual suit, though he hated them. He was hoping it would lend him an air of don’t-fucking-argue-with-me but doubted it.
After this donation, he’d have to be careful with the remaining funds—maybe he should even get a job. He could do that now, too. His anxiety had waned over the years, thanks to gooddoctors and yoga, plus he no longer had to pack up and leave with little to no notice.
He was free, and that astounded him every time he thought of it.
As he’d expected, the bank manager came out to try to dissuade Larry from making the donation he wanted to make. Larry had listened, but after almost half an hour, he’d been ready to scream.
In the end, Larry got his way.
His thoughts wanderedand he found himself wanting someone to talk to. Despite what he’d just done, he felt empty inside.
Loneliness.Larry stumbled over an uneven spot in the sidewalk as he recognized the weird shit he was feeling for what it was.
The thing about loneliness was, he’d been experiencing it for a long time. He’d just never examined it or wanted to name it. Emotions could make him vulnerable so he’dignored most of them.
People walked around him, and some bumped into him and muttered, but Larry stood firm, on the edge of an epiphany he was kind of scared to have.
But it came to him, regardless. He didn’t want to spend the last years of his life alone, forgotten or hated, a burden to society or—Larry lowered his head. His cheeks were wet and he didn’t know when or how that had happened.
He touched his face.Tears. Jesus, I’m crying.Stunned, he began to walk while he swiped at the moisture on his cheeks. He’d always thought he had everything together, including the trips he’d had to take back to Bowen, the town he’d been raised in.
Now, he wondered how much of his entire life had been an act to fool himself. Larry couldn’t even pinpoint what or why. He was flooded withfeelings, and he broke into a run, hauling ass to his apartment before he could break down into a blubbering mess there on the sidewalk.
After three blocks, instead of continuing east, he spun on his heel and veered south. He didn’t want to go home, and he only knew of one person he could turn to.
