Page 75 of Soldier's Chrismas Hope
Old habits…
Edward leaned against his dad’s desk, his eyes filled with concern. And Nora felt the words leaving her mouth before she had time to think about it.
“I kind of overheard something I probably shouldn’t have,” she confessed. “Your mom was telling River that he shouldn’t be with me.”
“Is he with you?” Edward asked.
She blinked up at him, uncertain how to answer.
“It’s none of my business,” Edward said, lifting his hands, as if he thought she wasn’t answering because she didn’t want to tell him, and not because she was confused herself. “You don’t owe me anything at all.”
“No,” she said. “It’s just… complicated. We were talking about it, but now…”
“If it’s about me, there’s no need to hold back,” Edward said carefully. “I still care about you, Nora. I want you to be happy. I’m sorry I couldn’t give you that myself when you needed it most.”
“You were honest with me, Edward,” she told him. “Honesty may be the most important thing in my life right now. The kids deserve that.”
“They’re really sweet,” he confessed, smiling down at her almost like the old Edward used to do.
“Aren’t they?” she said, feeling a burst of pride. “I’m so lucky to have them. I think I just need to focus on that for a while. The things your mom said… well, I wouldn’t want to be getting overbothof the Young brothers.”
“What did she say?” Edward asked, looking surprised.
“She said he’s impulsive and he quits on things,” Nora sighed. “He follows his heart, but then changes his mind.”
“That’s harsh,” Edward said, frowning.
“Honestly?” Nora said, thinking back. “It’s not much different from some of the things you’ve said about him over the years.”
Edward winced.
“I guess that’s fair,” he said after a moment. “But from my perspective, the fact that he could quit things was a gift. I think I’ve sometimes resented it, because I’ve never been much good at it myself.”
Nora tried to hide her smile.
“Okay,” Edward said. “Go on, you can say it. I quit on you.”
“You did,” she agreed. “You had your reasons though.”
“Look,” he said. “I started the oboe in the second grade, and I never quit. I didn’t want to disappoint Mom and Dad when I was a kid and now I still practice every week because it feels wrong to stop. Honestly, though, Nora, I don’t even like the oboe. I never have.”
“Wow,” she said, honestly surprised. Edward playedvery well, and she had always thought he kept up with it because he loved it.
“I can speak fluent German because it was the language I signed up for in middle school,” he said. “I have never been to Germany, and I can promise you I’ll never go. It just never occurred to me to stop.”
Nora thought that one was a little funny, even if it was confusing. Who put so much effort into something they didn’t even like?
“As soon as I was a year into my degree, I knew it wasn’t what I’d hoped it would be,” he went on. “But I didn’t want to start over again. I didn’t want to walk away. So I kept at it, all the way through the grad degree and everything, then got a good job, and I work hard at it. I’m good at it, and being good at it is enough for me.”
She nodded, even as her mind raced at the idea that he wasn’t really happy with the one thing he had always prioritized.
“And here’s the thing,” he went on. “It’s fine for me to suffer through oboe lessons, or German classes, or even a boring job in accounting. Because even if I don’t love them specifically, I do like being good at things, and I don’t like to disrupt the status quo. But when it came to you and those kids…”
He pressed his lips together and she waited, needing more than anything to hear what he was going to say next—to finally learn why it was that Nora was the one thing Edward Young could quit on.
“Well, I knew it was going to impact someone else this time,” he said softly. “I already felt bad, Nora. I knew our marriage wasn’t working for you.”
She bit back the tears that threatened again.
