Page 70 of Soldier's Chrismas Hope
“Thank you for Nora and Pixie and John-John,” River put in, his voice a little husky.
Nora felt that familiar warmth spread in her chest. When they all opened their eyes, she could see the children felt it too—the same sense of belonging and gratitude.
Let it wash over you,she reminded herself.But don’t get stuck on it. It’s not yours to keep.
After she putthe kids to bed that night, River was waiting in the hallway for her.
“I was hoping you might join me for tea again tonight,” he said. “I won’t keep you up too late. I promise.”
Even in the dim hallway, she could feel the intensity of his gaze. Suddenly, she couldn’t help noticing the spicy forest scent that must be his aftershave without so much of that wood smoke from his cabin, and feeling the heat that seemed to radiate from him.
She nodded, and he let her lead the way down the stairs.
She wondered if he was thinking the plows would come through tomorrow. And he had maybe rethoughtthe idea of bringing her and the kids to his parents’ place with his brother there.
She could hardly blame him. How was he supposed to sacrifice his relationship with Edward for a woman he hardly knew and the kids she was raising?
The kitchen was warmly lit and cozy, and she felt relieved as she entered the familiar space. She could handle this. The kids would be perfectly happy here at his place, admiring the tree and baking cookies. And it would probably be easier on all of them.
River gestured to the table, where just one mug of hot tea awaited.
She took her usual seat, trying to ignore the pounding of her heart as he lowered himself into the chair opposite hers, his eyes still on her in that way that sent a shiver down her spine.
He gazed at her for a moment, as if he were taking her measure.
“I’ve thought about you every day since the night we met,” he told her at last.
She blinked at him for a moment, trying to get her head around what he was saying. This wasn’t the conversation she expected to have.
“Does that really surprise you?” he asked her. “I mean, I know I went off to serve, and my brother took you out, won you over. You had plenty to think about besides me. But you were the girl I held in my heart while I was away, even when I told myself I’d moved on.”
“We only met once,” she heard herself say, even though she knew that part didn’t matter. Even though she’d tried to convince herself of it so many times as hisbrother took her out, even though she tried to be sensible and tell herself that funny little feelings like the one she’d had about River didn’t mean anything.
“I feel like I’ve always known you,” he said, taking her hand and ignoring her words, like he knew she didn’t mean them. “I feel like we were meant to be together.”
Her breath caught in her throat, and she looked down at their hands. His looked so big and felt so warm, wrapped around hers.
“I know it seems like a strange thing to count as a blessing, but this only happened because he left you,” River went on. “I never would have found myself at your door otherwise. I never would have brought you and the kids back here, and fallen hard for all three of you.”
She sucked in a breath, feeling like the walls she had put up around her heart were caving in.
“All my life,” he said softly. “No one has ever made me feel the way you do—like I have a purpose, a reason for being here.”
Her heart pounded as he gazed into her eyes, and she feltseenall the way to her bones. River and the kids were the only ones to ever really make her feel that way.
“I know it will be awkward with my family,” he went on. “And that’s my fault. I should have told you how I felt back then. I should have fought for you. It would have saved us both a lot of heartache, and Edward too.”
She wanted to argue. She knew she should. But she just listened.
“And I know you’ve made a lifetime commitment to those children up there,” he told her, a fierce expression appearing on his handsome face. “If you let me, I willraise them as my own, and do anything to protect them and help them grow up safe and happy.”
“River.” His name came out as a breathless sob.
“Please don’t cry,” he said, squeezing her hand between both of his. “I don’t want to put any pressure on you. I don’t want to do anything but make your life easier and better.”
She nodded, pressing her lips together to stop her tears. He was saying everything she could want to hear, painting a picture of what their future could look like, together as a family.
Why can’t I say yes, when it’s what I want more than anything?
