Page 78 of Drive
“Stop,” he said softly. “She’s my mother. And I’ve explained this to you.”
“And I’m the only woman that’s behind you.ME!”
“And I never asked you for that.”
It was a sledgehammer to the stomach. “I’m going to forget you said that.”
“Fuck,” he said through a ragged breath as he ran a hand through his hair. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that. I don’t regret a single thing that happened between you and me. But I can’t stay here. I just can’t stay.”
“We can—”
“Stella, Iwantto go.”
“You want to go?” My voice cracked. “Reid,” I said breathlessly, “what about us?”
He began ripping T-shirts from hangers, then kicked the cheap plastic sock drawer he had against the wall.
When he didn’t answer, my angry heart began to speak for me.
“Me, too. I gotta go, huh? It’s not enough to leave the band, everyone else goes, too.”
He stopped with his shirts in hand, only to drive his fists through the wall of his closet. Punishing and relentless, it shredded easily under his heavy throws. Screaming in surprise, I shrank into the discarded pile of shirts while I watched him self-destruct. When he collapsed on the floor, exhausted and sweat pouring off of his brow, he drew his legs up and cupped his knees as blood seeped from his knuckles. Moving fast, I inspected his hands and saw he hadn’t broken anything. I rushed to his bathroom and grabbed a washcloth, wet it, and raced back to him. He allowed me mere seconds to clean them while he stared blankly at the ruined wall. “It’s fine.” He jerked away and began stuffing his duffle again. Standing in front of him, I gripped his bag and tried to force his eyes on mine.
“We were never supposed to happen,” he said, dodging me. “I’m not good for you, Stella.”
“Bullshit.”
“I’m not. Your sister knows it. Everyone seems to know it butyou.”
“Because it’s not true.”
An exasperated laugh left him as he looked down at me, our eyes locking, breathing the same air. Seeing my panic, he shook his head. “You’re better off.”
“I’m not,” I said as angry tears rolled down my face. “I might not know much, Reid, but I do know this: I’m yours.” My breath hitched as he dropped his bag before he thrust his fingers in my hair and crushed his mouth to mine. I gripped him just as greedily as he parted my mouth before his tongue plunged deep. Kissing him in that moment was completion, bliss and agony, and at the heart of it, it felt like goodbye. And it hit so deep, I began to cry before I ripped my lips away, fighting to keep that feeling. Fighting as long as I was able to. Despite what he said, it was his kiss that told me our love was real, and I would do anything to keep it. To keep Reid.
“Don’t leave. Please don’t leave. We can work this out. I’ll talk to Lexi. Don’t go.”
“I’m on my knees, Stella,” he whispered, his forehead pressed to mine. “And I’m fucking exhausted from being here. I’m sorry,” he said softly.
He moved past me and began shoving his shoes into the bag.
“Reid—”
“I’m leaving, Stella.”
“Fuck!” I screamed, gripping my hair before I sank down to the floor. I heard the rustle in his bathroom, and sometime later, I heard the god-awful sound of the zip. I was still sobbing when he knelt in the closet in front of me and softly said my name. “Stella.”
“I can’t believe you’re giving up. If you could only—” I hiccupped “—for one second, see what I see. Just believe me,” I begged, refusing to look at him. I was shattering and I showed it. I held nothing back as I let the raw emotion pour out of me. Apparently, I had no dignity when it came to my heartache. None. I was wide open, he saw it, and I let him see. A gentle hand caressed the side of my face before my head was tilted up.
“You’re making a mistake,” I whispered.
“I’m tired of starving, tired of working my ass off, getting up only to get kicked down again. I need a breather. I want out of Austin for a while.”
“But you’ll come back?” I implored, as the tears crested over my lips. They tasted like ruin. “You’ll come back, right?”
“I don’t know.”
I narrowed my eyes. “You don’tknow?”
