Page 80 of Drive
The bubbles started and stopped again, and I could feel the call coming, but he left it alone.
After a hot shower in the questionably yellow stall, I lay across the floral comforter and plugged in my time machine before I glanced at the clock.
11:11 p.m.Make a wish, Stella.
“Whiter Shade of Pale”
Annie Lennox
Seventeen days after Reid Crowne left Austin, I got an email.
“Stella!”
Ben was the one that answered the door when the drums were delivered. And if I weren’t so hell-bent on hating life, I would have laughed at the expression on his face. Instead, I signed for them as the delivery guys toted the huge box inside the apartment and set it in the middle of our poorly furnished living room.
“How the hell did you get the money for these?” Lexi asked as she shared a stupefied look with Ben.
“I didn’t buy them,” I said, my heart wilting as I remembered our day in the music store. “I won them.”
Ben shook his head with an ironic grin. “Only you, Stella. You’re like a fucking unicorn.”
“Hey,” Lexi protested and slapped his chest playfully, “and what am I?” She had her hands on her hips, her large eyes imploring his. It was just like I thought it would be. With zero reluctance from Lexi, due to Ben’s irresistible charm, they got together the minute Lexi got to Austin. And they were perfect for each other.
“Oh, baby,” he said as he cradled the sides of her face, “you’remymuse.”
Though happy for Lexi, I hated being so close to them. They had the warmth that was taken from me. As far as I was concerned, it was the coldest August in the history of Texas.
The cycle lasted about a week. Lexi got me drunk. Held my hand while I talked, and held my head while I threw up. Ben had the unfortunate luck of watching it unfold, too, due to his inability to stay away from Lexi, but I didn’t give a damn. I let myself bleed freely.
I’d only worked two shifts at the restaurant while Paige watched me like a hawk before I irresponsibly threw down my apron and told Leslie I quit. I refused to speak to Paige. She would never get the chance to say I told you so, just like I wouldn’t be able to with Reid.
In a matter of months, everything had changed between the three of us. A split-second decision to walk toward fire, while I was already engulfed in my own flames. I’d never felt that way about anyone and knew it could never happen again. He was my once . . .Reidwas my once.
I went through the days in a blur. Ben was over constantly, usually wearing his Home Depot vest after a long day in the lumber department, and entertaining Lexi on our couch while I holed up in my room, staring out the window or walking around our complex, battling insomnia.
I had no words. I hadn’t listened to a single song that I wasn’t forced to at a gas station or a grocery store, which was detrimental to my writing. I had no words if there was no music. And he took it.
Reid took it.
Still, I’d finished enough new articles in my time at Paige’s and Reid’s, along with some old drafts I re-edited and considered print worthy. Without second-guessing myself, I sent them to Nate via email the morning our internet was connected. School was starting in a week and was my only saving grace while I was forced to witness Lexi and Ben’s beginning while I lived through my ending.
I existed before Reid, lived through loving him, and was left to exist again while knowing what living felt like.
“What are you going to do with them?” Ben asked, dragging me out of my stupor as I stared at the box. I could still smell the Irish Spring.
“I’mnot doing anything with it.”
Ben furrowed his brows. “Sell them? Well, there’s about six grand in that box.”
“SixGRAND!” Lexi said, clapping her hands before I stopped her with a look.
She read my decision easily. “Oh, hell no, Stella! No.NO!”
I looked to Ben, who caught on just as quickly. “Hell no, after what he did?”
I held Ben’s gaze, mustering up the strength to get my verdict out. But it didn’t matter. The tears were already streaking my cheeks. “You know exactly who these belong to.”
“No,” Ben said, as if he had any say in the matter. He stood, arms crossed, as Lexi backed him up.
