Page 108 of Drive
“It doesn’t matter.”
“It does. And I’m sorry.”
“You said that.”
“Never sober,” he said, drawing my chin from the floor with his fingertips, so we connected soul to soul. It was like a switch.
“Please don’t touch me,” I said with trembling lips.
He pulled his hand away. “And I’m still on my knees,” he muttered under his breath, “unbelievable.”
“Just say it, please, whatever you came to say and go.” My whole body was shaking and I was sure he could see it.
“You’re shaking.”
“I’m fine.”
“I’m sorry.”
“You did what you had to do,” I said, lowering my eyes.
“I was in rehab, Stella. From the minute I signed that contract until ten a.m. this morning.”
Of all the reasons I could think of, that was the last. “What?”
“Crazy, right? What musician goes to rehabbeforehis career takes off?” He took a step back and slid the beanie off his silky dark locks, which scattered around his face. I drank him in, and for a brief second, we were back in his apartment, my heart on my sleeve, his eyes tearing into my soul.
“Why?”
“I needed to get my head straight. I was becoming like my parents. I didn’t want that. I wanted to be better.”
“You are better,” I said in a breathless whisper. “You’ve always been better.”
“Still my eternal cheerleader?” he asked with another smirk. He took a step forward and faltered when he saw I wasn’t receptive to any of it.
“You kept your promise, that’s all that matters,” I said truthfully. “And now, God. Sony, Reid.”
“Crazy,” he said with a small smile before he looked at me point blank. “And it was you who changedevery fucking thing.”
“Don’t. I just wrote about a band I believed in.” Reid took inventory of my apartment and shook his head. I knew exactly what he was thinking about: the day I moved in.
“You’ll be okay, you know that, right? Deep down you know exactly what you want, how you want this to play out. You don’t have to be a cliché. You don’t have to livethatlife. The music is what matters most. Your beautiful music, Reid. You can do this.”
“Yeah,” he said thoughtfully. “Another pep talk,” he said without a smirk, worry clear in his features.
“Yeah, yeah, look at me,” I said the same way I had months before. Jade clouds brewed between us. “Believeme.”
“I don’t believeanyoneanymore, Stella, butyou.” He moved toward me again, and I flinched, too afraid of myself. Ofus.
“Reid, I can’t—”
“Here Without You” by 3 Doors Down sang out from theTVfeet away as my brain scrambled for some semblance of the woman I was minutes before he showed up to my door.
“Okay,” he relented, frustration rolling off his shoulders.
“Nate’s a good man. You would really like him. He’s good to me. He doesn’t make me—”
“Doesn’t make you what?” he said softly as I counted his slow steps toward me.
