Page 216 of Severed Heart
“Who, Delphine? Who do you hate?”
“The woman... who gets to have you after me. The woman who”—her voice cracks—“the woman who deserved you all along. Who will give you children—I hate her!”
My heart splinters as she drops her weapon, which I consider useless compared to her words. “I told you long ago, there’s no woman—”
“Oh,there is, Tyler, and for you, she’ll be fucking exceptional because you are... everything any woman could ever want... and, and s-she’ll be everything I wasn’t. That I’m not, and I couldn’t be for you. She’ll love you better. She’ll be far less selfish. Look how selfish I am! Look how selfish I’m being right now!” Her silver eyes pierce me as she palms her chest with both hands as if its beat is physically paining her. “I needed more time to prove myself to you. To deserve you. To convince you. So you will remember, willknowjust how much I... love you... I’m so in love with you. So in love with you.”
My heart cracks at her confession. “Delphine—”
“I wanted to make you feel what you make me feel. I just needed time.” She lowers her palms to her stomach as if she’s been kicked. “Do you think I deserved you? Never. Never once have I deserved you, but I was going to try to. I was going to try so hard to make all you’ve sacrificed, all the pain, and your patience for me worth it. Butshegets to have you.Shegets to be worthy of you. I just wanted todeserveyou before I die!”
“You do, Delphine, you do, and I don’t want her,” I whisper hoarsely.
“You won’t be able to help yourself.” She bursts into tears with that, and my own eyes sting. “You’ll use me as an excuse at first, but you’ll love her. You’ll love her, and I hate her for that. Please just let me hate her. Just for a minute.”
“Come here,” I order.
“No, I can’t.” She palms her chest again as my own batters me. “I can’t, this pain, this anger. I was okay with dying because I didn’t have... you. Merde, damn it, Tyler, damn you, I was ready to die.”
“No, you weren’t,” I state bluntly, “and you’re not ready now.”
“Why did you do this to me!? Give me the life I dreamed of?”
“BecauseI’m selfish,” I admit.
“I’m going to die,” she spits bluntly, her eyes not wavering. “You’re a romantic fool. That’s how this ends, you know, Idie.”
“I know.”
“Oh, you know.” She slaps at her cheeks, rebuking her tears. “Well, I’m glad you know.”
“You’re far from dead right now,” I challenge. “So, instead of starting on the CorningWare, let’s go to bed.”
She gapes at me as though I’ve slapped her. “You care so little about this?”
“Not tonight and not right now.”
“So easy for you to say,” she counters, “you get to—”
“To what?” I snap back. “I get to live? You aren’t that ignorant. I have to bury you while you’ll be completely unaware of any of that pain. God or no God, you’ll be in a perpetual state of bliss or ignorance while I reject any life without you, fucking forcing myself through every breath. So no, I don’t feel sorry for you, Delphine, because you get to die, and you won’t be the one left behind. I wish... fuck what I wish.” I swallow. “I have to fucking survive losing you. I have to live through it, and if I ever do pray to the God you believe in, it’ll be that it won’t be long-term.”
Tears stream down her cheeks at my admission and the fact that she knows I mean every word.
“So no, I have no intention of living the full life I have only imagined with you. That future you’re dreaming up for me is fucking fictional and was created out of jealousy, the same jealousy I would have if I was the one dying and I imagined you moving on. But know this—my futureis beingstolenright along with yours the minute you leave me.”
“That’s not what I want for you,” she croaks before quickly backpedaling. “You’re right. I’m simply jealous. So jealous, but I don’t want you to deny yourself. At all, because you’re right, I’ll be in bliss. I don’t want this bleak existence you see for yourself at all, Soldier.”
“And I don’t want to bury you, but neither of us is getting our way, so instead of fighting with me about what we can’t control, let me show you just how alive you still are.”
Her expression collapses as she sobs in her hands. Unable to handle another minute of the space between us, I stalk toward her before lifting her from the remains of what was formerly our kitchen and hauling her back toward our bedroom. By the time we reach the door, our mouths are molded together. Blindly, I walk toward the bed as I thrust my tongue into her mouth, and she meets my kiss, just as frenzied.
The second we’re undressed, and she’s spread beneath me, I bury myself in her wet heat. Her moans fueling me as I fuck her aggressively, pinning her hands beside her head and grinding my length against her clit.
Within minutes, she’s tightening around me and crying out through her release. Heart thundering, I fuck her at a frantic pace until she’s completely wrung out, her body a trembling mess of aftermath, her skin soaked and covered in afterburn. It’s when she whispers my name and palms my face that I slow, throat and nose burning from the fight roaring in my chest.
“Tyler,” she whispers urgently, commanding my eyes as I waste myself inside her, fighting her, fighting fate, and fucking away the enemy neither of us can defeat. Her soldier I may be, but I’m useless in defending or protecting her from this. For the first time since we got the news, I allow her to glimpse my grief, coming apart at the seams as I milk every ounce of pleasure from her that I can. Fighting for our peace as I thrust in, again and again, groaning filthy words into her tear-streaked face before licking her salted lips.
Licking my own tears, I dig my fingernails into her while inhaling what I can of her scent, memorizing her, submerging myself fully into her until I’m drenched, drowning, and beyond as grief seizes me whole.
