Page 191 of Severed Heart
“A man so compassionate,” she continues, “that he’s a living, breathing example of empathy, who refuses to coax it gently bothfrom and forthe people he loves, but instead,rages for their peace.”
“You’re giving me far too much credit,” I tell her. “I’m capable of—”
“We all are, Tyler. We are all capable of bringing out whatever we fear from within ourselves, but what I’m speakingto and ofright now is a huge part of who you are. You’ve been taking care of others so dutifully and selflessly your whole life ... and though I’m naturally biased, I didn’t say you were perfect.” She shakes her head with a light laugh. “You’re notat all subtle.You get furious and frustrated and lash out at those you devote yourself to for whatever solution you think might bring them that peace. You tend to give themhellif they don’t recognize it the way you do,” she imparts on a long exhale. “But, it is still, very much, an expressionof love. And for that, I’m so very proud of the man you’ve become.”
I swallow before I give her my admission. “I’ve been trying to kill my inner hypocrite for a long time.”
“Self-awareness is half the battle, so don’t give yourself too much hell. And as we get older, what seemed so simple when we were young, the solutions that seemed so damned easy become far more complex, don’t they?”
“Understatement.” I let out a long exhale. “I don’t know how to thank you for this—for helping her.”
“I’ll take some credit, butyou are the one whochanged that woman’s life. Sometimes, all it takes isone personto bring awareness to another in pain, to make them feel like they belong here on this earth and have their place. Youmadeandbecame that place for her, and she did the rest. I’m so proud of you both, butyouneed to take some of that recognition for your part in that, Son. Okay?”
“I’ll try... it’s... she”—I shake my head—“she calls me her miracle.”
“Biased as I may be, by choosing you, she’s since developedgreat tastein men.” She winks at me before scanning the orchard and night noise. “You both have built a beautiful life here.”
“I want you to like her,” I utter, “and I’m not asking for approval—”
“And you don’t have to.” She covers the hand on my knee as she holds my gaze. “Easily done, Son. Ilove herand my God, the way you look at one another. It’s a beautiful thing. Of course, I feared your relationship with her early on, but with the trust you gave me and seeing what’s become of it, I’m so thankful you entrusted me with this. I’ve never seen you so happy and honestly”—she nudges me—“I can’t wait to get to know her on a more familial level ... though we still have some things we need to work through.” I nod as she stands, turning back to look down at me where I sit, giving me a pointed look too easy to decipher. “And one day, hopefullysoon—”
“Mom—” I utter due to exhaustion, “can we not tonight?”
“Please, Son. Pleasetry to find some of that empathy for the only human being who comes close to garnering the level of love you have for Delphine.”
“That’s not true,” I counter.
She stares down at me for long seconds in a call of bullshit, her gaze unrelenting. “I’m fine being second to your father, always have been since you two bonded so deeply when you were young, but what I’mnot fine withis gettingall the loveand attention you have forbothof us.”
I scrape my lip with my teeth as the distant ache becomes present. “I don’t know why I can’t let it go.”
“Because he’s the first great love of your life and broke your heart in a way you can’t quite get over.” She shivers as an icy breeze whispers over us. “But avoiding it isn’t working, is it?”
“No,” I admit grudgingly.
“So, just think about it, okay?”
I nod as she starts to walk toward her SUV and stops, turning back to me. “I heard the entire exchange with your father the morning you left home, Tyler. It was all I could do to keep from ripping open my bedroom door.”
I gape up at her. “Allof it?”
She nods solemnly. “You wanted to protect me from it, and so I wanted you to believe you did,” she relays shakily, “and God, how I love you for it.” She raises her hand as I go to speak. “Don’t you dare apologize. It was me who should have better protectedyou, and I still fight at times to forgive myself for that. But I understood your reasons. Hell, Isidedwith you, which is why I let you go without a fight, as much as it damn near killed me. But you should know you left your mark, and I came so close to leaving him hours after you did. In hindsight ... I’m so glad I stayed. It didn’t happen overnight, not at all. It was hell, but eventually, your father lit fire to his mistakes and forgave himself. He earnedmyforgiveness and has since given me some of the best years of our marriage.”
I stare back at her, trying to absorb her words as truth, and she nods in confirmation, sensing my doubt. “My best friend came back to me, Tyler. So don’t thank me foranything.”
Emotion swells my chest as I cup my jaw, heart heavy.
“Your father has done the work and is desperate for you to get to know who he is now,” she releases a pained sigh. “He’s never made peace with your absence and never will. He’s waiting on you, but you need to know he’s breaking a little more with your fly-throughs and overly polite exchanges. Please, my boy. I know she’s your priority right now, but please consider talking to him soon.Reallytalking to him.”
“I will, Mom,” I manage through the burn in my throat. “I promise.”
“Maybe you two could come to the house for Christmas?” she prompts, opening her SUV door.
“Let’s not push it,” I mutter in jest, which has us sharing a smile shortly after trading ‘I love you’s’ before she drives away.
* * *
The morning sun beams on my back, its heat welcome due to the frigid cold. Tugging down my beanie, I prop the hood of my truck, needing the busywork to keep myself occupied. When I flip open my toolbox, Delphine’s guttural scream again rings through my psyche, temporarily paralyzing me. A scream that’s been on replay since I heard it yesterday.
