Page 164 of Severed Heart
“For?”
He frowns. “It’s a sign to let your roommate know you’re getting laid.”
“This is the truth?” I frown. “A sock on the door. Why not just say it?”
“It’s a covert signal.” He winks. “Ever heard the saying ‘sock it to me’?”
“You’re fucking with me,” I snap. “I’m trying to have a serious discussion.”
“About pussy?” He laughs again. “And no, I’m not fucking with you.” He holds up a palm in defense. “I’m serious. It’s a thing.”
“Fine.” I sigh. “I will look for a sock on your door and then know.” I swallow. “You’re getting laid.”
“Well, rest easy, I’m a gentleman. I don’t really talk about this stuff nor display it for others to know.”
“Okay.” I palm the counter briefly for strength as I speak, keeping my eyes down. “But maybe, if you want to fuck a girl, just tell me.” I blow out a harsh breath.
“I’ll be sure to let you know,” he drawls as he sips his glass beside me. I turn to see him lowering his eyes, shaking his head with a smile, his gorgeous, curled lashes flitting along his gorgeous fucking cheeks as his gorgeous fucking smirk mocks me.
Even as I want to slap him for being so smug, it’s the gnawing damned lust that fills me. Though my frustration and desire grow as I come further and further back into myself, I take a step over and wrap my arms around him. His arms flare out in surprise as I grip him tightly to me, my cheek warming on his sun-tinted skin.
“Whoa, General,” he whispers, setting his glass down on the counter before hugging me back, “that was one hell of a sneak attack.”
“I’m sorry, it’s just. You’ve changed my life. This house, this dream.” I fight the stupid tears I frequently have to battle, mostly these days ofgratituderather than any other emotion. “You’re an incredible man, Tyler.”
Pulling back, I press a lingering kiss over his skin where his heart lies and feel him tense as I mourn the fact that once it was mine. I might have some place inside but may never get the place I once had back, even as my heartbegs meto try to reclaim that place now. Maybe this part of my dream will go unrealized. In trying to accept it, I brave a look up and see the friendship, the love, but no sign of desire before I pull away and drop my eyes.
“I have to go,” I tell him. “I have an appointment.”
He nods, seeming confused by my behavior, but I’m starting to suspect more and more that it’s contrived. I’ve been giving him lingering looks, suggestions with my eyes, everything I can think of to ask him for that look back. Gestures I’m coming to believe he’s purposefully ignoring because he no longer reciprocates the desire. His cock salute in the shower weeks ago might have just been the result of a touch of a woman—notthiswoman. Every day that he ignores my tells, I find myself more desperate to find the kindling to create some of the fire we once had—for any fucking sign of a spark that I might get my true dream.
A dream I wasn’t allowed to have before. To think or to speak. A dream I felt shame for having. And now that I could, if my affections were returned, I’d feel alone in it. At the same time, I wonder why my soldier would make this much effort.
Why go to all this trouble ... for only a friend? However, I must admit to myself that this might be the case because of the man Tyler is. But Ifeelhis love. He touches me every single day. Though, I’m finding myself more and more disappointed by only the whisper of a finger against my cheek or his reassuring palm on my back. Of the hand holding, but no more. His distance even more apparent since Tobias spoke about us weeks ago, which may be why his touches are becoming briefer.
“After I finish the grass”—Tyler interrupts my thoughts, picking his glass up from the counter—“I’m going to stop by the Apple Festival for a few minutes before I meet the movers with Dom and Sean at the townhouse to clear it out.” He shakes his head, his voice full of ache. “They’re leaving today.”
I nod. “I know. I said my goodbyes yesterday. I’m sorry, Soldier. Dom is not doing well,” I report.
“Yeah, I know,” he agrees as we share a lingering look, neither of us happy with Ezekiel’s decision.
“I need to go.” I shoulder my purse. “I will see you later.”
“See you, roomie,” he calls at my back as if in taunt as I head for the door. “Make sure to grab some socks while you’re out,” he chuckles as I shut the door hard to cut his laugh.
Because for me, it’s not funny. Not even a little. Just like our first conversation about girls wasn’t amusing, but he seemed to draw pleasure out of it. Some smug satisfaction as if he knows my true feelings, which he’s refused me to voice. It’s then Iknowhe must have sensed,seenmy desire for him by now, and can’t help but wonder if it’s punishment.
I feel punished now, thoroughly. I should be satisfied. More than satisfied with the lengths he’s taken for me to live this dream. He’s done so much for me. To demand those looks back isn’t possible. To ask for his heart back might be impossible and selfish. Walking to my sedan, I drop my purse in my seat through my open car window. Glancing back at the house, I meet Tyler’s eyes just as he pulls a ball cap down, which only sharpens his sleek features and the cut of his jaw.
Fuck. Merde. Fuck. God help me.
“Buckle up, see you in a bit.” He winks, and I damn near fan my face at the sight of him as he saunters toward his tractor.
Some woman is going to come along soon and try to claim the man I’m going blind with the need to touch, to have, to love, and the thought of it fills me with dread.
As I watch him mount the tractor, my resolve fills me to try and somehow gain a fraction of that heated look he once had for me back. To getsomethingfrom him telling me I’m not completely alone in this longing or if I need to let go of the rest of my dream altogether—that reality devastating. Straightening my shoulders and determined to do everything I can to have himsee meagain, I get into my sedan and turn my ignition over. As he takes off on his tractor, I decidethis battleis the most important I have to fight because the future I truly want very much includes havingallof my soldier.
With a fucking sock forever onourbedroom door.
