Page 239 of Severed Heart
“Tomorrow,” I answer.
He fingers the back pockets of his jeans. “Can I catch a ride with you?”
I draw my brows.
“I want to go to her with nothing but the clothes on my back. She deserves that.”
It’s admirable, considering the man’s fetishes for the finer things and the knowledge that he’s going to have to go without his little indulgences.
“Sure you can do without your morning espresso?” I tease.
“Fuck no, but for her,” he says, no humor in his voice, “I’ll do anything.”
“Know that I’ll so be the fly on the wall for this shit show, and I’ll be close if you need me,” I assure him. “Either of you.”
“I know that. I just don’t want you to resent me for it any longer,” he says.
“Something tells me I won’t,” I admit. “That’s if you do the work and finally get to the place of deserving her again.”
“I can’t live without her,” he whispers, his voice distant but filled with surety, “and I won’t.”
“That’s apparent.”
“No, Tyler.” His eyes lock with mine, and I take a step back at what I see. I’d read it all wrong. “Iwon’tlive without her. If my decisions or this club cost her life...” He trails off, but his implication is clear, and he’s completely of sound mind.
“You’re serious?” I ask, though I know better.
“Before I take a step near her, I need your word that will remain the case.”
“Jesus Christ, T—”
“I don’t breathe a day without her, Tyler, fucking promise me. Promise me. I don’t last a minute past her last breath if it’s possible.”
Swallowing, I see his ask and his resolution. It’s one thing about Tobias that can’t ever be bent or swayed or bartered. Well, unless your name is Cecelia Horner. She’s his only weakness, but his weakness is both damning and caustic, hence this request. But this is the nature of Tobias and his absolutes—of how his heart works, of his devotion.
I know this because I’m very much the same man in that respect.
I don’t bother to try and talk him out of it, and he’s all too aware of my capabilities.
“Can you live with it?” he asks.
The question is also pointless. He knows I can. That I’ve got capabilities others don’t. That compartmentalization is my biggest strength. That I grieve Delphineby choice.He’s well aware I can turn my emotions on and off like a switch under any circumstance and reads that truth in my return gaze.
“Promise me, Tyler. Promise me,” he prods, unrelenting in his quest. Knowing he won’t survive her loss, I bat away all emotion and flip that switch before reasoning through my decision for long minutes before answering.
“You have my word, brother.”
He nods, perfectly content with his decision, and adds another life-altering secret to my bill before turning back to me. “So, do you have another set of gloves?”
“I’m good, just let me . . .” I trail off as Tobias nods and steps back.
Turning back to the house, I stare at the brick and mortar ahead of me that at one time was more than a house, but a home. Engine idling, bucket lowered, I allow myself a few more seconds to back out of the emotional decision to destroy the only true home I’ve ever known.
I’m already years into the road ahead of me, the road that begins after her. Reliving the memories and peace of the time we spent here, I allow the bittersweet emotions to swarm me.
This part of my life is over, and for the next seven years, I have no room for emotional attachment. The inkling to erase what could have been fills me with surety as I aim the bucket at the front door.
It’s over. Death took away all illusions of moving forward in the life we made.
