Page 205 of Severed Heart
Guilty tears sting my eyes as I recall not long after, when his own expression started to harden, his heart’s door starting to narrow further and further for me as he began to fight back. Painful realization sets in that though Cecelia might have broken his heart today, I had a hand in breaking it long ago.
That truth glides down my cheeks as I sort through the years of our ensuing war after, up to the last day we truly had ill words between us. Mere months before he left for college. Back to the morning where a marijuana cloud trailed him as he walked through the sliding glass door to find me standing at the foot of the kitchen table.
“What are you doing awake?”
“Waiting on you,” I answer instantly, taking the chair at the table as he opens the fridge. “How did it go?”
“I’m not handcuffed,” he spouts sarcastically as he bends to search the shelves, “so I would say well enough.”
Keeping my eyes lowered, my heart pounds in remembrance of the hours before, experiencing the most intense lovemaking of my life—with Tyler. Shame threatens to take hold as my body continues to hum, my lips still tingling from his kiss as my heart begs me to believe his words, promises, and declarations. Never in my life have I felt so much with and for another. Yet, am I a fucking fool to believe, to put faith in, the declarations of someone so young?
Fueled by the war that instantly started my mind racing as my body continued to buzz when I woke alone, I left my mattress in search of Tyler. Heart alight and in a haze, I found myself in the kitchen staring blankly at the maps, utterly consumed by what just transpired and his constantly circulating words.
“...There will be no other women for me because there is no other woman meant for me ... I love you. I fucking love you.”
It’s when I glance over to see Dominic staring at me curiously at the open refrigerator that I jar myself out of my stupor. Cursing my stupidity for leaving my room while furiously trying to put my mask back in place.
“You seem rather”—he tilts his head—“chipper this morning.”
My heart starts to pound, but I speak up instantly with false bravado.
“Because I want to show you something,” I tell him, hoping my tone is convincing. “I am making maps of Triple Falls. Many have hidden spots for refuge. Tyler thought it would be a good idea and that it would benefit you all. What do you think?”
Slowly closing the fridge, he approaches the table to hover over me as I continue.
“Look, here.” I point to the map before I brave a glance at him. “See? The location of a forgotten underground entrance on Main Street. Maybe it will be useful for the club at some point in the future?”
The weight of his stare has me rattling with anxiety while trying my best to push away all thoughts of what it felt like to be with Tyler so intimately. But it’s Dominic’s unforgiving scrutiny that forces me to finally acknowledge it. “What? Dominic, what?”
“Are you really going to ruin his fucking life because you’re afraid to date a man your own age? I’m not a fucking idiot. Whatever is happening with Tyler, you need to end it. Now.”
“Hmm, you are acting like one. I don’t even know where Tyler is.”
“He went for a run because he’s fucked up and dealing with a lot right now. He doesn’t need you fucking with his head. End it.”
I still, keeping my eyes lowered. “We are friends, very good friends who care very much for each other—”
“Come on, Tatie, surely you can find someone your own age to play games with and deal with your bullshit.” His adamance to confront me forces me to lift my face to him. Panic rips through me as he stares back at me, utterly determined.
“I care for Tyler so much”—I swallow—“I would never hurt—”
“He’s not some lab rat for you to fucking experiment with.” Dom relights his joint and opens the sliding glass door. Keeping his eyes on me, he exhales a cloud of smoke, his searing judgment strangling me as I search for and spot my bottle on the counter, craving the numbness it promises.
“I am trying to change, Dominic. I am changing. I do not drink as much. I am doing all I can to—”
“Jesus, you’re so fucking selfish,” he spits, “fucking disgusting.” He flicks his joint before stalking past to slam himself into his room. Music blares from behind his door a second after I pass. My bottle is already at my lips before I close my bedroom door and drain every drop.
Dominic’s Camaro sounds a few streets over, jarring me from the memory of that morning, before it appears and he pulls up to the curb. With the porch light off, I know he can’t see me as he remains idle for several minutes before finally cutting his engine. When he exits, I stand to announce myself, hoping my white flag is evident in my expression as he begins to stalk toward the house, head cast down. Just as he approaches and lifts his head, he pauses when he sees me as I clear fresh tears from my eyes.
“I thought you didn’t live here anymore, Tatie?” he utters softly, not a trace of animosity to be found in his question. Relief sets in at his gentle reception as I answer.
“I don’t. I’m here to wait for you.” My eyes start to sting again as he draws in, and just as I think he’ll pass me, he takes a seat on the bottom porch step instead. I immediately join him, taking in the changes in his appearance with what little light filters on us from the lamppost across the street. His build is far more muscular, his hair shorter, and his jaw more defined. He smells of marijuana, but both his posture and expression reek of pain and defeat. Pain he’s not making much effort to conceal, or worse, that he can’t, which has my eyes welling again.“I’m so sorry, Dominic.”
He gives me a slow nod before granting me an ironic half smile as he speaks. “Well ... silver lining for you is that your prediction came true, and karma got me on your behalf pretty fucking good.”
“No, Dom, shh.” I lift my palms to him in surrender as tears glide down my cheeks. “Please don’t speak ofthatout loud. This is not me gloating. That’snothow I feel.”
I lift a shaking hand to his shoulder, and he doesn’t deny my gesture as I will myself to speak again. “Through much,muchtherapy, I can now say things I never thought I would, and what I want you to take to your heart is that I never wish for your pain.”
