Page 127 of Severed Heart
SUMMER 2010
Camp Lejeune, North Carolina
BLINK.
“Jennings,” I answer my cell, rolling my neck due to the fatigue of my latest workout, one hand on the wheel as I pull to a stoplight.
“Turn around.”
“Pardon?” I ask, pulling the phone away from my ear and gaining no clue who’s calling, only the time ticking on the otherwise blank screen. The hair rises on the back of my neck as recognition kicks in on who it might be.
“You just left base,” he clips, “turn around.”
“And?”
“Meet me in the parking lot of the Waffle House. Black F-150.”
“And you are?”
“The guy you asked to speak to.”
The line goes dead as I search for and find a way to make a quick U-turn. I have five minutes at most to cement a decision that will alter the course of my life. In a way that only a select few have. I make my decision in less than a minute after forcing thoughts of her away from being a reason to move forward. Shifting my mindset on what lies ahead, I scramble to dial his new burner number.
“Good to hear from you, Sergeant Jennings,” Tobias greets with pride on the second ring.
“Hey, T.” I swallow and swallow again, rare emotion clogging my throat. The reason being that this might be the last time we ever speak. He senses my struggle immediately with hesitation on the line, and I beat his inquiry to the punch. “Just want to let you know I’ll be delayed coming home.”
A short but loaded silence ensues. “By how long?”
“There’s a chance I won’t be home this Christmas or next,” I relay, wiping the summer heat from my forehead.
“Fuck,” Tobias exhales, knowing precisely what I’m telling him. We’ve discussed this possibility in detail, but I can sense his own emotion surfacing as the reality and implications set in. “Christ, brother. You don’t know how to fail, do you?”
“I made it happen.”
“And this is truly what you want?” he prompts.
A future I can’t have flits before my eyes. Our hands clasped as we walk along rows of apple trees, talking for hours before swaying in a hammock for two. Eyes meeting across a fire as we exchange long glances, peace in our hearts. Making love to her in the tall mixed grasses surrounding the pond. The two of us perched on the hillside with her nestled in my arms, watching endless sunsets as the seasons change. I don’t want that life without her. I can’t picture it without her, and so I don’t want to fucking bother attempting to live it.
I press those illusions down, down, down, into a faraway, unreachable place until the sting starts to dissipate.
It’s over. Has to be over.
Needs to fucking be over. Especially after four long years without a word between us. A disconnect that has starved my dream to the point that it’s already starting to fade along with what youth remains in my heart. And as soon as I hit that parking lot,I’lltechnically be over. Voluntarily ceasing to exist for as long as I decide to.
Tyler Carter Jennings’s wants and needs will be useless. With this one move, I’ll become both a vessel of protection and revenge—for my brothers, for my father, and for my country.
“My decision is made,” I finally speak, “and I hope it makes my family proud.” The implication is clear on which family I’m referring to.
“Your family could not be more fucking proud,” Tobias declares in a pained tone, “and will be waiting anxiously for your return.”
“Where are you?” I ask, fighting the last of my starving hope.
“I’m home.”
He’s there, and possibly with her. With one last mile between me and my future, I briefly wonder if Delphine’s nearby. If they’re sitting at her kitchen table or outside on the porch. If she can hear my voice. If she wants to hear it. I stall a beat before speaking precious words I don’t have enough time to thoughtfully put together.
“Tell my brothers ... my family, in the off chance I don’t make it back anytime soon,”or ever. Emotion clogs my throat as he waits patiently before I finally get them out. “That whatever happens, it was worth it for me. Okay?”
