Page 16 of Lula Dean's Little Library of Banned Book
“Such a wonderful book, isn’t it?” Lula practically glowed with excitement. “I know your family is going through a rough spell. I sure hope you find what you’re looking for.”
She moved on, leaving Elijah frozen in terror. What the hell did Lula Dean know? What was she trying to tell him?
Elijah turned back to the book and found himself staring right at the title page.Rivals and Lovers.It wasn’tChicken Soup for the Soul. It was that book Isaac had brought home from the library. God was speaking to Elijah through Lula Dean. He swiveled around in his seat and watched the woman stroll out of the park.
When Elijah looked back down at the book in his lap, he saw it for what it was: a test. It had to be. He’d just told God he’d do anything to bring his family together. Now the Lord was calling his bluff. He wanted Elijah to put his money where his mouth was.Fine,Elijah told God. If readingRivals and Loverswas what it would take, then so be it. He closed his eyes and took a moment to remember Bella’s spaghetti straps. Then Elijah Wright flipped to page one, knowing deep down in his soul that by the end of the day, he’d be homosexual.
The heroes ofRivals and Loverswere two dudes named Jaylen and Julio who met their junior year of high school in Brooklyn. Captains of opposing debate teams, they hated each other at first sight. Jaylen was out and proud, while Julio was still stuck in the closet. Then one night after a particularly heated debate on the subject of capital gains taxes, they shared a secret kiss in the subway.
Damn, this is boring, Elijah thought.They should add an alien invasion or something.
But he couldn’t stop reading—and he didn’t really want to. Sure, Jaylen and Julio were dorks, but the whole thing was still kinda sweet. He wondered if Isaac was making out with any guys at school.He fuckinghopednot. Nobody in Troy was good enough for his brother.
The heroes end up going to Columbia University, where Jaylen is super popular and getting busy in secret with the captain of the basketball team. Julio focuses on his work and pines for the boy he kissed back in high school.
Ho-ly shit. Get to the drugs and debauchery already, would you?Elijah checked his phone. It was two o’clock and he was about to keel over from hunger. As soon as his boys hooked up, he’d head home and eat everything in the fridge.
They finally got busy on page 122. That’s when the penises came out. After all that workup, it was a bit of a disappointment, to be honest. I mean, he was happy for them and all. But the penis-in-the-mouth bit was as raunchy as it got. There weren’t even any butt plugs involved. If this was someone’s idea of debauchery, he sure hoped they never typedcream pieinto Google. Elijah flipped forward to page 212, hoping the story would get a bit saucier.
Jaylen and Julio now shared a fabulous apartment in Manhattan. Julio was stressed out from his pediatrics residency and Jaylen, who designed athletic wear for a European luxury brand, worried their relationship might be losing its spice. He knew there was a handsome doctor on the staff at the hospital who had his eye on Julio. So, one night, over an excellent bottle of Falanghina, he surprised Julio with a dream vacation to the Amalfi Coast. The reveal did not go as planned.
You’ve got to be kidding me,Elijah chided Julio.It’s the Amalfi Coast! Take a week off and focus on your relationship!
Annoyed by the character’s lack of gratitude, Elijah flipped forward another fifty pages. Jaylen had forgiven Julio for his brief dalliance with a coworker.What? I can’t believe I skipped that part.Now the two were married. They were searching for a surrogate to carry their second child, but they still hadn’t settled on whose sperm to use.
Oh my God. This is going to be an absolute nightmare. Jaylen made the first kid, Julio should make the next!
“Hey there. Whatcha reading?”
It was like an angel had spoken right in his ear. Elijah shrieked and fumbled the book, which slipped out of its cover and fell to the ground. When Bella Cummings picked it up, he knew his life was over.
“Rivals and Lovers.I think your brother read this, too.”
The sun was setting but it was still hot, and Bella was sweaty from running. It drove him crazy when she wore her hair in a ponytail.
“I know,” Elijah said. “My parents think it turned him gay.”Damn, that came out wrong.
Bella cocked her head and grinned at him. “Interesting,” she said. “Did it just make you gay?”
Elijah checked. “No.” His heart was pounding, his stomach fluttering, and his body tingling. He was just as besotted with Bella Cummings as he’d ever been.
“Figured,” Bella said. “Books don’t work that way. Where’d you get it?”
He pointed across the park. “Lula Dean’s library.”
Bella snickered. “That Lula. Spreading tolerance and understanding right here in Troy, Georgia.” When she took a seat beside Elijah on the bench, he closed his eyes and savored the moment. This was quickly becoming the best day of his life. “Well, what did you think?”
I think I love you even more than Jaylen loves Julio. I swear I will treat you like the goddess you are. And someday when I’m quarterback for the Falcons, I’m gonna buy you a trip to the Amalfi Coast. Wherever the fuck that is.
“What did you think of the book?” Bella clarified, as though she sensed some confusion.
“Honestly?”
“Of course.”
“It’s boring as hell. Even worse thanOld Yeller.” He flipped through the pages. “Is this really what it’s like to be gay? I mean, there’s like a single blow job before they get married and start popping out kids.”
“I guess it’s one way to be gay,” Bella said.
