Page 94 of Colin Gets Promoted and Dooms the World
“Good morning, ma’am.”
She nodded to the person fidgeting across from her. “I’m interviewing your replacement.”
“I’m afraid that will have to wait.” The other man was probably around my age, but he seemed much younger as he stared up at me.“You can go,” I told him. When he hesitated, looking from me to Ms.Crenshaw, I added, “Or I can hurl you into the Utter Depths. Your choice.”
Silence fell, broken only by the sound of the man fleeing down the hallway. Ms.Crenshaw’s gaze was coolly noncommittal as she watched me take the seat he’d vacated and place my new briefcase on my lap.
“I’m glad you’re here, Colin,” she said at last. “I have some concerns about your performance.”
“I’m sorry to hear that,” I responded politely.
“I did some digging after the events on Monday. Imagine my surprise at learning that you’ve violated thirty-one company policies, including tampering with the binding on an Abomination, the illicit summoning of a celestial entity, and consorting with representatives of the Seraphic Conclave. Not to mention the fact that I witnessed you misusing restricted company property with my own eyes.” Her lips tightened. “Despite everything, I’m rather impressed by how skillfully you concealed your actions from me.”
“Thank you, ma’am. Coming from you, that means a lot.”
“Impressive or not, however, even slaying an Abomination doesn’t excuse your reckless disregard for our policies and procedures. You know how seriously we take discipline here.” She reached for the phone on her desk. “We’ve fallen a little behind on our terminations, but your being here will save the Firing Squad an extra trip.”
“Before we involve Personnel, I’d like to show you something.” I sprung the latches on my briefcase with a softclickand reached inside to extract the massive compendium of company policies she’d given to me on my first day as her assistant. Opening it to a page halfway through, I turned it around and placed it carefully on the desk between us. “ ‘Pursuant to Policy 498.3.42, subsection f-2.17,violations of company policy carried out in order to preserve Dark Enterprises, advance its mandates, and/or increase its market share will be excused and all consequences waived.’ ” I paused before adding, “I suspect Management deliberately buried that proviso in the section on office food and beverage labeling because They didn’t want people finding it.”
Ms.Crenshaw slowly replaced the phone in its cradle and leaned back in her chair. “Enlighten me, Colin. How did freeing an Abomination advance our mandates or increase our market share?”
“Though unexpected, it allowed Management to dynamically optimize existing inefficiencies in human capital.”
“You mean it eliminated most of our weaker employees.”
“Exactly, ma’am. I believe there’s also an opportunity here for Management to evolve mission-critical functionality well beyond existing projections. I’ll circle back to that in a moment.”
Tilting her head to one side, she paused to consider this. “How do you justify summoning the angel?” she asked.
“I weakened Heaven, one of our main competitors, while also gaining valuable insights into an existential threat to this office.”
“I see. And the Seraphic Conclave?”
“Cannon fodder, ma’am. Or, if you prefer, a synergistic but temporary alliance that dramatically improved our overall efficiency.”
Ms.Crenshaw remained utterly still. “And this is why I should spare you? A convenient loophole in our policies?”
“Well, I also have this.” Reaching again into the briefcase, I drew out the Black Blade. It quivered with suppressed power while restless shadows played across its pitted surface. “The-One-Who-Hungers isn’t gone. It’s in here.”
Her eyes flicked from me to the knife. “I see.”
“I hope you do. Containing the Abomination wasyourjob,wasn’t it? Along with the rest of the executive board.” I tilted my head thoughtfully. “How many of them did you lose, in the end?”
A long, chilly silence descended as we watched each other.
“What I couldn’t understand,” I said at last, “was why Management didn’t intervene as soon as They knew something was wrong.” I rotated the knife slowly, studying it. “They must have realized there was an Abomination loose in New York long before you did. Yet They waited. Even after The-One-Who-Hungers invaded this building, Management did nothing. They ordered you to deal with it, though your chances of success were small. They were willing to sacrifice the entire executive board. Heck, They were willing to reveal Themselves to the world by sequestering New York.”
“Why would They do that, do you suppose?” Ms.Crenshaw asked.
The Black Blade hummed in my hand, vibrating with the rage of the monster trapped inside. “I think Management wanted The-One-Who-Hungers to feed on this city before They stepped in. They wanted it stronger.” She said nothing, so I continued. “I mentioned an opportunity for Management to evolve Their mission-critical functionality. Well, here it is: they were going to harvest it. That’s something people do with Abominations, right? Harvest their essence? But They didn’t want one that was starved or anemic. They wanted one that was approaching its full power. And we were all going to be collateral damage.”
Resting her elbows on the arms of her chair, Ms.Crenshaw steepled her fingers together beneath her chin. “It’s a logical supposition,” she murmured. “One I’ve entertained myself. But of course, we don’t dare ask Them for an explanation.”
“Of course.” I studied her. “How does it feel, to know that you’re expendable?”
Her eyebrows lifted in seeming surprise. “We’re all expendable, Colin. Every single person on the planet. Haven’t you realized that by now? To the companies who believe they run this world, we’re data to be monetized or convenient sources of capital, useful only so long as we help them turn a profit. We’re commodities, nothing more. Why should they care what happens to us when new commodities are born every day?”
My hand tightened around the hilt in my hand. “That’s—”
