Page 60 of Colin Gets Promoted and Dooms the World
I nodded and smiled. “You’re welcome.”
Sukariel lifted its head and stared dramatically into the distance. “Release me,” it trumpeted, “so I may vanquish mine foe!”
Leaning down, I touched the iron chain with a finger. “Sukariel, emissary of the Celestial Realm,” I said in a clear voice, “I bind and command you with this unbreakable covenant: fight The-One-Who-Hungers until it is destroyed or bound once more.” The chain glowed a sooty, menacing red as the binding took hold. Then there was a final whisper of a hundred voices and the fluttering of wings, and when I looked up, the angel was gone.
I’d done it. I’d saved the world. Intern or not, Sukariel was anangel—there was no way an Abomination could stand up to that. I wanted to dance. I’d be in middle management by the end of the week.
“Youarea fucking moron,” Lex growled as they rounded on me. “What the fuck did you do, Colin?”
I let out a long, aggrieved sigh. “I made a mistake, okay? But I took care of it!” I made a sweeping gesture to the empty circle as if it proved my point. “I gave a pep talk to an angel and sent it off to make righteous war on an ancient enemy of humanity! How ridiculously cool is that?”
“From where I was standing, I heard an angel insult and threaten you before heading off to fix your mistake for you. Not as cool as you think, dude.”
Even Lex’s grumpy cynicism couldn’t dent my intense feelings ofrelief. I’d gladly trade a few angelic insults for the salvation of the entire world. Sukariel had just been a little taken aback, that’s all. It would probably pop back in to thank me again after its glorious defeat of the Abomination and its promotion to, like, manager of the celestial call center or whatever.
“Why do I keep helping you?” Lex shook their head slowly. “Every time I do, things get worse and worse.” Lifting their hands in surrender, they said, “I’m done. For real this time. Good luck with the end of the world.” I expected them to stomp off in their usual way, but instead they gave me a disappointed look and walked out. They didn’t even slam the door behind them. It was almost like they meant it.
Rolling my eyes, I gathered up the summoning materials. I’d give Lex a couple of days to cool off. When people stopped disappearing and Heaven itself resounded with my name, they’d be back.
Twenty
The weight of the worldhad been lifted from my shoulders. For the first time in weeks, I could breathe properly again. We’d come close to disaster, but everything was fine now. As I walked back to the elevators, I planned my triumphant presentation to the executive board. I’d have Sukariel descend from on high and proclaim me as the savior of the world, maybe with a few other angels there to really drive home how amazing I was. The board would give me a standing ovation, and Ms.Crenshaw would smile—actuallysmile!—as she draped me in the robes of middle management. Sunil and Tamsin would be torn to pieces by whatever nightmarish thing they were trying to secure as an investor, and before I knew it I’d be rolling in money and power. Then Eric and I could live happily ever after with our two rescue dogs, Sonny and Cher.
Thinking of Eric, I pulled out my phone. The tension and awkwardness of our last conversation was in the past. It was time to celebrate.
“Hey.” His deep voice was quiet when he answered. “I’m glad you called. I shouldn’t have gotten so frustrated with—”
“That’s okay,” I interrupted. “You’re worried about me. I appreciate that. Why don’t we do something special later? Like, uh…” Pausing, I considered our options. Whatcouldwe do in a city on the brink of ruin? “A picnic in the park,” I ventured at last.
There was a small pause before he responded, his tone cautious now. “Are you sure you want to risk it? The city is a mess right now.”
“I’m sure. We don’t have anything to worry about.” I said that with consummate assurance, puffing out my chest even though he couldn’t see me.
He was silent for a long time. “Okay,” he said at last. “When and where?”
We settled on a time and place to meet, though he sounded very uncertain about the whole idea. I couldn’t blame him. Now that I’d fixed New York, though, it was time to focus on fixing whatever had gone wrong between us. A romantic picnic always worked in the movies. It would work for us as well.
There’s a particular kind ofhigh that follows rescuing the world from certain doom, a feeling that literally anything is possible. It buoyed me along for the rest of the day. Several times I had to stop myself from sauntering into Ms.Crenshaw’s office and telling her,Hey, no big deal, but I just saved everyone and I’ll take that promotion now. Best to do that in front of the entire board.Instead, I occupied myself with sorting through Ms.Crenshaw’s emails, most of which were panicked inquiries from local clients asking for company protection and offering just about anything in exchange. I flagged a couple of intriguing possibilities—one woman was willingto part with her firstborn (he’d always been something of a disappointment), while a state representative had promised the souls of everyone in his district—and sent them on for review. Then I texted Amira to let her know I would be home late. No matter how many times I tried, though, my message failed to go through. That was worrying. Cell service was either breaking down or overwhelmed.
Before leaving work, I tucked the angel-summoning pamphlet into a drawer of my desk. Maybe I’d frame it and hang it on the wall of my future corner office, to remind myself that the only bad ideas were the ones you never acted on, or something like that. Then, still buoyed by a deep sense of confidence, I decided to walk to my meeting with Eric, first up Broadway to Columbus Circle and then along Central Park West. Less than a block from Dark Enterprises, however, I suspected that this might have been a mistake. The streets were mostly empty, but shouts rose from somewhere south of me, and when I looked down Seventh Avenue there was smoke in the distance, as if Times Square was burning. Just before I turned onto Broadway, I saw people sprinting out of a dry cleaner down the block, arms piled with suits and blouses and duvets. It looked like all the better storefronts had already been looted.
When I reached Columbus Circle, three huge trucks rumbled past, crowded with soldiers in full combat gear. They turned their helmeted heads to stare at me as they went past, hands moving restlessly along their assault rifles, and I tried to look like someone who wasn’t interested in rioting or looting. It was unnerving. Once they’d disappeared down West 59th, I made a beeline for the Whole Foods off the Circle and found it trashed, its ravaged aisles haunted by thirty-something white people in skinny jeans and flannel shirts searching for vegan and/or gluten-free options. Fending off ahungry-looking man with a bad ponytail, I grabbed an unopened box of Kashi cereal and then struck gold when I discovered a bottle of sparkling apple cider that had rolled to the back of a bottom shelf. Stopping to pick up two sustainably sourced disposable spoons from the empty café, I hurried outside, checking for armed soldiers as I turned onto Central Park West. Normally a bustling boulevard, it was eerily empty except for the occasional taxi cruising along, hoping for a fare.
Eric was waiting where West 65th sloped down into the park, leaning casually against a sleek motorcycle. My heart did a little flip when I saw him, and I waved as I hurried closer. “Hi,” I said breathlessly.
“Hi.” Straightening from his bike, he offered a faint smile and reached out to touch my arm. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah. I’m great, actually.”
He lifted an eyebrow. “Really?”
“Absolutely. It’s Friday, the sun is shining, and I have cereal. Let’s grab a patch of grass and relax.”
Bemused, he nudged his bike’s kickstand with one foot and pushed it along as we walked into the park. “It seems like something’s changed since we spoke earlier,” he observed cautiously.
“You could say that, yeah.”
“Care to fill me in?”
