Page 13 of Colin Gets Promoted and Dooms the World
Congratulations on your promotion.
“Thanks.” I pressed a hand to my chest as if to keep my heart from pounding its way out of my rib cage. “Can I, uh, help you with something?” I asked after a lengthy pause.
It’s time to pay.
My legs gave out and I sagged to the floor of the elevator, my back sliding down the obsidian wall. I wasn’t ready. Oh god, I wasn’t ready for whatever was about to happen. I’d only just started my new job! I had a blind date coming up with a hot guy who had all the muscles! “No,” I moaned softly, “no, please. I don’t want to die. Please don’t kill me, or drag me into some pain dimension and torture me for the rest of time, or send me to the empty places beyond the stars where I’ll spend eons screaming into the uncaring void until my sanity unravels.”
There was a bemused pause.I’m not going to do any of those things.
My moans ceased. “You’re not?”
No.
“Oh. Okay.” Struggling back to my feet, I straightened my cardigan.
I need your help with something.It reached into its suit jacket and somehow withdrew a small bowl made of beaten bronze. The elevator filled with a powerful smell, sweet and rotten at the same time, as it dipped a finger into the bowl and then moved closer, its white flesh smeared with something black and viscous.
I tried to back away but there was nowhere else to go. My breathing became loud and harsh as the Thing dragged a fingertip between my eyebrows, my skin burning under its touch as if painted withacid. “What is that?” I demanded, gagging as the thick scent settled over me.
Holy oil corrupted by the tears of suffering children.It lifted the bowl closer to the unnatural darkness of its face as if savoring the disgusting smell.Very fresh.
“Oh,” I said weakly, “right. Of course.”
Once it finished anointing me, the Thing pushed the bowl back into its suit jacket before drawing out another.Take this.
Crumpling the envelope into my pocket, I fumbled for the bowl, desperate now to finish whatever was happening. The liquid inside stirred thickly as I tilted it to look inside. “Whose blood is this?” I asked dubiously.
I wouldn’t worry about it.The Thing rotated in the air, then sank to its knees. Suspended within the web of fragile chains that gave shape to the creature’s unnatural head was a small metallic disc. Tiny sigils had been etched into its surface in a series of concentric rings, their meaning a mystery to me.
Paint the seal with blood, the Thing instructed.
“The…seal?”
The disc.
Gingerly, I dipped a finger into the blood and found that it was still warm. Clots swam on its surface, making my stomach heave as I pressed my dripping fingertip to the disc. The metal grew icy cold as I smeared wet redness across its surface.
Now speak these words:NI NAPAHU ANZILLU. INA ETUTI ASBU.
In a wavering voice, I slowly repeated the unfamiliar words. As I did, the disc cooled further and then flared into white flame. I recoiled with a squeak, dropping the bowl of blood to the floor of the elevator, and watched as cold fire flashed along the silver chains inthe space of a single heartbeat. Incandescent, they burned for a moment before disappearing in a hundred wisps of black soot, leaving the disc to tumble to the floor with a metallic chime.
No longer confined, the swirling shadows expanded with frightening speed, a silent explosion of darkness that coiled and twisted in the air like heavy smoke.I am free, the Thing said, and I could hear the exultation in its voice.I am free, and I HUNGER!
Some deep part of my brain shrieked in terror as the terrible figure slowly rose into the air and turned to face me once more. Blackness spilled from the collar of its pristine shirt, pulsing like a living thing.Thank you, Colin.
I shook my head mutely, unable to speak.
I’m going to devour your world now. But don’t worry—I’ll save you for last.
The lights in the ceiling flickered and went out, plunging us into darkness. When they winked back on, I was alone.
Eight
I’ll be honest—I wasleft with some misgivings. It definitely seemed like I’d unleashed a supernatural horror on an unsuspecting world, and that probably wasn’t great.
With a shudder, the elevator started moving again. I was spattered with blood, I realized as my shoes squelched against the sticky floor. Looking down, I spotted the metallic disc and bent to retrieve it, rubbing a thumb across the tiny sigils that spiraled across its surface. Before I could do more than that, the elevator stopped at the fourth floor and the doors rolled open. Standing there was a small gaggle of employees from Personnel, their faces adopting identical expressions of surprise as they took in the blood splashed liberally across the elevator and the viscous, stinking oil smeared on my skin.
I pocketed the disc. “Mondays,” I said ruefully. “Am I right?”
